”I will never forget the night it happened. It was a(n) quietnight, and I was relaxing upstairs with my oven, a good book and my faithful squirrel, wolfy. Suddenly there was a loud bang. I sprang to my feet and crept downstairs, trying to be as careful as I could. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Suddenly I heard the bang again, but this time it was much more noxious and I knew it was coming from the basement. Summoning my courage, I grabbed a flashlight and strode quickly down the stairs. I might have met my end right there, if not for wolfy, who let out a loud “boom!” Startled, I jumped instantly to the side just in time to avoid a long gooey appendage. I turned my flashlight on the intruder and gasped in horror. Lurking there in my basement, bathed in the reekyglow of my light, was a huge, quivering, shapeless blob of ooze! The hideous thing was as blood red as a devil and as big as a(n) rhino.
“holy cow!” I cried.
I fled promptly upstairs, but the thing chased me with lightning speed. I was trapped, and knew I had to fight if I wanted to survive. First I tried to chop it with a sharp butcher’s knife from the kitchen, then I shot it with my grandpas shot gun that hangs over the fireplace. In desperation, I even tried throwing acid on it, but all to no avail. It just kept coming. I thought I was dead for sure, when suddenly a strange figure crashed through my window and leapt between us! He was tall and stenchy, with fierce yuckyeyes and dropping shoulders. He was dressed entirely in black, except for his purple panty!.
“WTF!” the figure cried, and quick as a(n) fox he jumped in and stunned the ooze creature with a powerful kick.
Without pause he scooped the thing into a(n) down stairs and tied it shut with a long rope.
“How did you do that?!” I gasped, trying to catch my breath.
“Their only weakness is their bum,” he replied. “One good kick and the things are helpless.”
“But how do you find it?” I asked, staring at the shapeless mass.
“That is easy,” said the stranger. “It is right next to their shoulder.”
I thanked him for saving my life and asked him his name. “I am Kaput, and I have been hunting the ooze creatures all my life. Join me in my quest and we will make the world safe from their stinking evil!”
Now that I knew the truth, how could I say no? I joined Kaputthat night and my life has never been the same. I learned how to spot their bum in less than 13 seconds, and together we have defeated over 32 of the ooze creatures. I even got my own purple panty!.
