Punished for likening my nipples to a dotty turnip

Dear Mr Jones,

I am sorry to report that little Mark has been assigned a detention.

As you know, little Mark is usually a very rough and tacky child. However, today I caught him complaining during class.

When I asked him to stop, he shouted, "D'oh!" and began running with his friend Matilda.

Mark aggravated the matter further by calling me a baggy lizard and likening my nipples to a dotty turnip.

Little Mark was also in violation of the school uniform policy. I do not allow slippery cowboy hats at Springfield Elementary School.

Springfield Elementary School prides itself on being a scrummy and pointless establishment. Thus we simply cannot have children complaining and running on the premises. Added to which, my nipples looks nothing like a turnip, as Ms Wilson will testify.

Please ensure that little Mark attends detention tomorrow after school, and leaves his slippery clothing at home.

Yours sincerely
BabeMagnet69