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Sunday 12 July 2020

JACKANORY-STEVEN ENGLAND AND THE THREE NAUGHTY CATS. BY MARK ANTONY RAINES

Once upon a time there was a friendly boy called Steven England. He was on the way to see his sister Flora Zeus, when he decided to take a short cut through Yuckylake Woods.
It wasn't long before Steven got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Terrance the Moose, but Terrance the Moose was nowhere to be found! Steven began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Terrance the Moose. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, he saw a naughty cat dressed in a green pinafore disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Steven.
For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed cat. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Steven reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from lettuces, a house made from lollipops, a house made from pancakes and a house made from crisps.
Steven could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.
"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Steven looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Steven a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Terrance the Moose!
"Terrance the Moose!" shouted Steven. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Terrance the Moose back!" cried Steven.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Terrance the Moose out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, three naughty cats rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Steven recognised the one in the green pinafore that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Cat," said the witch.
"Good morning." The cat noticed Terrance the Moose. "Who is this?"
"That's Terrance the Moose," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Terrance the Moose would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the cat.
The witch shook her head. "Terrance the Moose is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Steven interrupted. "Terrance the Moose lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Cat ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Cat looked at the house made from crisps and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from crisps if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next cat. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Terrance the Moose."
Steven watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Terrance the Moose to Big Cat. He didn't think Terrance the Moose would like living with a naughty cat, away from his house and all his other toys.
The other two cats watched while Big Cat put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Cat. "Just you watch!"
Big Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lollipops. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
   And more.
      And more.
Eventually, Big Cat started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of lollipops, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Cat.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Cat never finished eating the front door made from lollipops and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Cat stepped up, and approached the house made from pancakes.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Cat. "Just you watch!"
Average Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pancakes. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
   And more.
      And more.
After a while, Average Cat started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
   ...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm a cat!" said Average Cat.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Cat, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the cat away under his arm.
Average Cat never finished eating the front door made from pancakes and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Cat stepped up, and approached the house made from crisps.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Cat. "Just you watch!"
Little Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from crisps. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
   And more.
      And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Cat started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating crisps for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Cat into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Cat. "I'm scared of heigh..."
Little Cat was never seen again.

Little Cat never finished eating the front door made from crisps and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Terrance the Moose."
"Not so fast," said Steven. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from lettuces. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the cats. He won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Steven.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Terrance the Moose back."
Steven ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from lettuces and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.
Steven sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Steven. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Steven's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from lettuces. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Steven was down to the final piece of the door made from lettuces. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Steven had eaten the entire front door of the house made from lettuces.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Terrance the Moose or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Steven hurried over and grabbed Terrance the Moose, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Terrance the Moose was unharmed.
Steven thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Flora. It was starting to get dark.
When Steven got to Flora's house, his sister threw her arms around him.
"I was so worried!" cried Flora. "You are very late."
As Steven described his day, he could tell that Flora didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.
"What's that?" asked Flora.
Steven unwrapped a doorknob made from lollipops. "Pudding!" he said.
Flora almost fell off her chair.

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