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Wednesday, 22 November 2023

The Smugglers Original Airdate: 10 Sep, 1966

 The Smugglers

Original Airdate: 10 Sep, 1966


Transcribers note - this story only exists in audio format.

Episode One


[Tardis]


POLLY: Good heavens!

BEN: Blimey, where did all this come from? Well, it was a police box, wasn't it?

DOCTOR: What are you both doing in here?

POLLY: You dropped your key.

DOCTOR: How dare you follow me into the Tardis!

BEN: The what?

DOCTOR: The Tardis, sir! This is a vessel for travelling through time and space! Why did you follow me?

POLLY: I'm terribly sorry if we've annoyed you, Doctor. It was my fault, I'm afraid.

BEN: Well, what's all this then.

DOCTOR: And stand back from those controls. Those controls are used for dematerialising.

BEN: Dematerialising? What does that mean?

DOCTOR: You and this young lady are experiencing it. You are now travelling through time and space.

BEN: Yeah, well, make sure that I get back by teatime, Doctor. I've got to get back to my ship by tonight.

DOCTOR: Young man, it's going to be a long time before you see your ship again.

BEN: Hey?

POLLY: Why? When are we going to land?

DOCTOR: I don't know. That's the cause of half my troubles through my journeys. I never know.

POLLY: Why not?

DOCTOR: I have no control over where I land. Neither can I choose the period in which I land in. Oh, now, you see that scanner? That is what I call a scanner up there. We get a very good view of the outside.

(The Tardis starts to materialise.)

DOCTOR: Ah, yes. I think we've landed in some sort of caves.

BEN: Yeah, well, thanks for the home movies, Doctor. Now if you'd just open these doors.

DOCTOR: Wait, wait, wait, young man, we don't know where we are. We don't know if it's safe or what period we're in.

BEN: Well, I'll take a little bet with you, ay? London, 1966, Fitzroy Square.

DOCTOR: Yes, I think it's quite normal. Yes, the temperature's all right. Well, I think you can leave, but watch your step.

POLLY: What a relief. You had me nervous for a minute, Doctor. Come on, Ben.

(The Tardis doors open.)

DOCTOR: Oh dear, all this distraction. And I really thought I was going to be alone again.


[Cave]


(Outside the Tardis, Ben can't believe his eyes.)

BEN: Crikey, look!

(Beyond the cave mouth, waves crash onto a beach. Nanjizal Bay, Cornwall, England.)

POLLY: Ben, I'm scared. What's happened to us?

BEN: I don't know. Maybe he's some kind of hypnotist. Pinch me. Ow! Not that hard. Hey, wait a minute.

(Ben is alarmed to see the Doctor locking the Tardis.)

BEN: What did you do that for?

DOCTOR: I never leave it unlocked, my boy.

POLLY: Doctor, you must take us back.

DOCTOR: I'm not going to take you back to London in the Tardis.

BEN: Well, you refuse, hey?

DOCTOR: My dear young man.

BEN: Oh, come on Polly. We'll find our own way back.

DOCTOR: Well, I suppose I shall have to chase after them. Quite incapable of looking after themselves.

(Ben and Polly emerge from the cave onto a narrow strip of sandy beach.)


[Beach]


BEN: Look at this!

POLLY: I don't believe it. Hey, isn't it exciting!

BEN: Well, it might be if I wasn't so pushed for time. Come on.

POLLY: But it's a super place. Whee!

(The Doctor watches as Polly dashes off along the shore. He eyes the rugged cliffs to one side and the incoming tide on the other, pondering.)

DOCTOR: Yes, I wonder. Yes, I wonder.

BEN: Crumbs.

POLLY: Ben, it's smashing!

BEN: It'd be a lot nicer with a few houses and a bus stop. Got any idea where we are?

POLLY: Looks like Cornwall to me.

BEN: Cornwall? Are you sure?

POLLY: Looks like it, me handsome.

BEN: Oh, I don't know what this is about. All I know is I've got to get back to barracks. Come on, it'll take hours from here.

POLLY: All right. Are you coming with us, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes! You may know where you are, my dears, but not when. Oh, I can foresee oodles of trouble.

(Some way along the beach, Ben and Polly spot a path up the cliffs and begin to scramble to the top. Amused, the Doctor watches them climb.)

DOCTOR: Oh dear, I suppose I'd better follow them. See that they don't get into any harm.


[Cliff top]


(Ben reaches the cliff top first and takes a good look around.)

BEN: Here, look, there's a church.

POLLY: So we are in our own time, after all.

BEN: Yeah. You didn't really believe all that nonsense about past and future, did you?

DOCTOR: We can't be too sure, my boy.

BEN: Sure? There are millions of churches like that.

DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious, most of them have been standing there for centuries.

BEN: Yeah, well so have we here. Come on, I've got a train to catch.

POLLY: Sorry Doctor, but we'd better find a station. We can talk on the train.

DOCTOR: Oh, talk on the train, child.


[Churchyard]


(Polly examines one of the gravestones for clues to their location. St Grada Church, Grade.)

POLLY: No use, I can't read it.

BEN: You'd think there'd be a few houses or something. I bet it's miles to a bus.

DOCTOR: Well, there doesn't seem to appear any Victorian restoration. I think it could be any time after the 16th century.

BEN: Only it's not. It's good old 1966.

DOCTOR: Well I don't think so, somehow.

(The church door is suddenly flung open. An old man steps out brandishing what appears to be an antique flintlock pistol.)

LONGFOOT: Hold fast, I say!

POLLY: Oh, please. Would you put that gun away?

LONGFOOT: Hold thy tongue, lad!

(In her trouser suit, with her hair under a cap, the man has taken Polly for a boy. Cautiously, he approaches the Doctor.)

LONGFOOT: You seem to be a gentleman, but why on foot with these lads as company?

DOCTOR: Well, we stopped aside, sir, on our journey to walk along the cliffs and unfortunately we got lost.

LONGFOOT: Thou art foreign?

DOCTOR: No, no. We don't come from this part of the country.

LONGFOOT: And there's no more of ye than this?

DOCTOR: No, just the three of us. You see, we are travellers looking for shelter.

LONGFOOT: And you came by road and not from the sea?

DOCTOR: No, sir. Not by sea.

LONGFOOT: Very well. I cannot give thee shelter but I can give thee sustenance and direction.

DOCTOR: Thank you.

LONGFOOT: Come.

BEN: Well, he's a right one. What gear's he got on?

DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid you're going to lose your bet, young man. That gentleman comes from the 17th century.

BEN: 17th century?


[Church vestry]


(Once inside the vestry, the old man offers his visitors some refreshment.)

LONGFOOT: There's the brandy.

POLLY: Oh, I'll just have a little water, thank you.

DOCTOR: No, we don't touch it. I wonder if you could direct us to the nearest inn. We seek shelter.

LONGFOOT: In time. In good time. I don't know thee, do I?

DOCTOR: No, I don't think we've met before, no.

LONGFOOT: Aye, 'tis true. And you've seen no others on the road? No ships upon the sea?

BEN: Nah. Didn't see a blind thing. Expecting someone are you?

LONGFOOT: Speak when thee spoke to, sir!

BEN: Well, I was only trying

DOCTOR: Ah, Ben, Ben, Ben. No, sir, we met nobody and saw nothing. Are you, er, expecting some friends?

LONGFOOT: Avery's boys are no friends of mine. Never said that.

DOCTOR: Avery?

LONGFOOT: You know not that name? Oh, then you're the happier for it.

DOCTOR: And you are expecting this Avery?

LONGFOOT: Him? Why, he's been buried these long years past. Ah, but his spirit rides. Aye, in the dark souls of those who follow in his wake.

BEN: Was he a sailor?

LONGFOOT: Who mentioned sailor? What would I know about the sea? I but tend this church.

POLLY: Are you a priest then?

LONGFOOT: A priest? The word of God touched me too late, boy. I'm the Churchwarden here. Name of Joseph Longfoot, Christian.

DOCTOR: You appear to be afraid, sir. Can we help?

LONGFOOT: Ye help? Against Pike's hook? No, thee cannot help.

POLLY: Pike's hook? What's that?

LONGFOOT: The blackest name I know, boy. So never say it to me face again!

DOCTOR: Oh your hand, sir. Are you in pain?

LONGFOOT: Nah. 'Tis naught. The finger's but bent. It'll mend.

DOCTOR: Dislocated.

(Longfoot cries in pain. The Doctor has quickly grabbed his hand and twisted the finger back into place.)

LONGFOOT: Cured! Oh, your blessed hand

DOCTOR: Oh 'tis naught, 'tis naught, my dear chap. Have another drink. We must be on our way. Goodbye.

LONGFOOT: No, no, don't leave me yet.

BEN: Well we must go, we've got to get back to the (gets a Look) to the beach.

LONGFOOT: The beach? There is no beach. The tide'll be in.

BEN: The tide!

DOCTOR: Ah, yes, of course, I remember now. Yes, yes, yes. We have to wait until the tide recedes.

POLLY: Come on, let's hurry.

DOCTOR: We could, of course, stay, if you wish.

LONGFOOT: No, this is no place for gentleman and lads. Go thy way. Go quickly while ye may.


[Churchyard]


( (A thunderstorm rumbles in the distance.)

BEN: We must be in the seventeenth Century.

DOCTOR: Well, thank you for your diligence, sir, and, the kindness of your

LONGFOOT: Thou art a real gentleman. Go thy way quickly.

DOCTOR: Thank you. Thank you.

LONGFOOT: Hey! A moment, sir. While at the inn, take care I say. Guard thy tongue. Think only of thy comfort and thy needs.

DOCTOR: Yes. We only need shelter for the night.

LONGFOOT: Heed my words. Be watchful.

DOCTOR: Thank you. Goodbye.

LONGFOOT: Goodbye. Hey! One more word, sir. If you should come this way again and find me gone, remember these words. This is Deadman's secret key. Smallwood, Ringwood, Gurney.

DOCTOR: But what to? What's the purpose, sir?

LONGFOOT: It's a secret worth remembering.

DOCTOR: Yes.

LONGFOOT: For this kindness

DOCTOR: Thank you. Thank you indeed. And I think that's going to be all right now. Yes. Goodbye, sir, goodbye. Come along.

POLLY: Goodbye. Thank you.

LONGFOOT: God bless.

(Longfoot watches as the Doctor and his companions disappear along the road, then goes back inside the church. After a moment, a large, bald, muscular man in sailor's garb rises from his hiding place behind a gravestone. Drawing a long knife from his belt, he moves to the vestry door and goes inside.)


[Inn stables]


(A mile or so from the church, landlord Jacob Kewper is looking for the stable boy.)

KEWPER: Tom!

TOM: Aye, Master?

KEWPER: There's business afoot. A message for the Churchwarden tonight.

TOM: But I, I

KEWPER: Go do as you're bid, boy!

TOM: Aye, sir.

KEWPER: Tell him, tell him that Kewper has had word from friends.

TOM: Down the coast?

KEWPER: A delivery can be expected soon. I'll tell him further when I've made arrangements.

TOM: I'll tell him. Can I take the mare?

KEWPER: Aye, and go now before the storm breaks.

(Tom scrambles up onto the horse and rides away.)


[Inn]


(Caught out by the storm, the Doctor and his companions are soaked to the skin by the time they reach the inn. Trethewey Farm.)

DOCTOR: You're the landlord, I presume, hmm?

KEWPER: Aye, Jacob Kewper. And I've no rooms. We're full.

DOCTOR: Oh, we only want rooms for the night, my friend.

KEWPER: Strangers are not welcome in these parts. Nor are they always what they seem.

POLLY: That's more or less what the Churchwarden said.

DOCTOR: Yes.

KEWPER: Say that?

DOCTOR: The Churchwarden said you could probably put us up for the night, but it appears that he was wrong.

KEWPER: If he said that, you'll know his name.

DOCTOR: Longfoot, sir, Joseph Longfoot. Now surely that name means something to you?

KEWPER: A friend of his is welcome, sir, but not so strange travellers. Your pardon, sir.

DOCTOR: Granted, granted. Now, rooms, a meal, something hot for us. Surely that's possible?

KEWPER: It is, sir, and you'll be wanting dry clothes for the morning too, ay?

DOCTOR: Ah, yes, yes indeed, yes. For the lads. And I think I shall be able to dry myself out with that lovely fire.

KEWPER: It'll be done, sir.

BEN: Well, my lad?

POLLY: Ha, ha, very funny. I do wish everyone would stop calling me lad. It does make me feel very odd.

DOCTOR: Yes, well, I think it better at the moment, my dear. What would they say to a maiden in trousers?

BEN: Probably die laughing.

POLLY: You would think it funny, You and your bell-bottom sense of humour.

BEN: Oh, listen to our little dolly-rocker Duchess, then.

DOCTOR: Watch your tongue, dear boy.

KEWPER: I hope these will serve, man.

POLLY: Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. Come on, help me sort these out.

BEN: Look, Doctor, what I want to know is, how are you going to get us out of here?

DOCTOR: Oh, we shall return to the Tardis, my boy, when the tide recedes and let's hope that we materialize in nineteen sixty six.

POLLY: You don't sound very certain, Doctor.

DOCTOR: No, I'm afraid I'm not, my dear. More likely we shall probably land in the far distant future.

BEN: Oh great! The way things are going there probably won't be a navy when I get back.

POLLY: Look, Ben, for the moment we're in the seventeenth century, somehow. We'll just have to like it and lump it. Here you are.

BEN: Oh, okay. Well, it's a nice old pub anyway, isn't it. Yeah, and I'll bet the beer's better than they serve nowadays.

DOCTOR: Yes, I think they're somewhat suspicious of us.

POLLY: They certainly don't seem to like strangers, do they?

BEN: Yeah, I wonder why?

DOCTOR: Well, I wouldn't worry too much about that, my dear, because I don't think we're going to be here long enough to find that out.


[Church vestry]


(Longfoot emerges from the crypt, rambling drunkenly to himself.)

LONGFOOT: Who rob great ships on every sea! Who pillage crews without mercy!

(He stops, suddenly sobered, as he sees he has a visitor.)

LONGFOOT: Master Cherub!

(Played by character actor George A Cooper.)

CHERUB: It's nice to see an old shipmate again, eh, Joe? We had good times aboard the Albatross when you was mate, ay?

LONGFOOT: Them days is gone and past.

CHERUB: Ah, but not forgotten. Not by your old friends, Joe.

LONGFOOT: I'm no friend of yours. I'm Churchwarden here. A Christian man.

CHERUB: You always had the leaning towards the Good Book. Holy Joe Longfoot, mate of the Black Albatross.

LONGFOOT: No more I'm not.

CHERUB: We miss you, matey. But most of all does the Captain.

LONGFOOT: The Captain. Captain Pike?

CHERUB: You owes him something matey. He wants what's his.

LONGFOOT: I got naught what his.

CHERUB: If you ain't got it, you knows it's whereabouts. Avery's gold.

LONGFOOT: No Christian man'd touch it.

CHERUB: We ain't all like you, Holy Joe. We ain't all afraid of the curse that's on it, and it's ours by right.

LONGFOOT: Tis no man's rights.

CHERUB: We'll decide that when we get the loot.

LONGFOOT: Ha! You'll never find it.

CHERUB: Won't we Joe, my old matey? Ain't you gonna to tell me, ay?

LONGFOOT: You can't threaten me. I got friends here, powerful friends.

CHERUB: They need to be to better Pike.

LONGFOOT: Well, don't you think they couldn't.

CHERUB: Where's your friends now, eh? Gone? The old man and his two lads. What does he know, ay?

LONGFOOT: Know? Know nothing. I directed him on his way.

CHERUB: Where to? Where to, say I?

LONGFOOT: To the inn, for shelter.

CHERUB: Who was he? What's he to you, ay?

LONGFOOT: A passing traveller on his way.

CHERUB: No, matey, I saw you a-whispering something in his ear. What was you saying to him, ay?

LONGFOOT: Nothing.

CHERUB: Joe, you wouldn't be trying to sell what you know to some strangers, ay?

LONGFOOT: You can rot in hell!

(Longfoot lunges for his gun, but Cherub is quicker. He throws his knife with deadly accuracy, the blade burying itself between the old man's shoulder blades.)

CHERUB: You're a fool, Joe Longfoot. But before you goes to join your mates, tell me what I want to know. Speak up.

LONGFOOT: (dying) Avery's curse on you, you black villain.

CHERUB: Speak, damn your eyes! It wouldn't be like you to go to Davy Jones' silent, matey. So I reckon we best get on to that old fella and get our hooks into him.


[Churchyard]


(Leaving Longfoot dead, Cherub hurries out and signals to a man sitting high in a tree some way off. The signal is picked up and passed down a line to the beach, and then onto a ship in the cove.)


[Inn]


(Ben and Polly have dried off and changed their clothes.)

BEN: Now, that's better.

POLLY: Mmm. Rain's stopped.

BEN: Here, I've seen a few shady customers in my time, but this crowd beats the lot.

POLLY: They're fantastic, aren't they?

BEN: Evening.

CUSTOMER: Evening.

BEN: Cheerful lot, Doctor, aren't they?

DOCTOR: I think we would do well to remember the Churchwarden's words.

BEN: What? That old rough neck?

DOCTOR: To keep our thoughts only on ourselves.

POLLY: I wonder why, though? What do you suppose they're up to?

TOM: Sir, sir, quickly! Help!

(Kewper silences Tom and draws him into the privacy of the taproom.)


[Taproom]


KEWPER: What's the trouble, lad?

TOM: The Churchwarden, Master Kewper.

KEWPER: Well, what of him. Drunk was he, as usual?

TOM: No, sir. He was dead.

KEWPER: Dead? How?

TOM: Knifed in the back. He was smiling.

KEWPER: Was he now?

TOM: The door was burst wide open. No sign of no one though.

KEWPER: No one else of our lads have been down there this night.

TOM: The strangers were though.

KEWPER: Aye, and who else would want to kill Joseph Longfoot, ay?

TOM: None as I know of round here. He'd no money and no enemies, neither.

KEWPER: Word's got to be passed on. You'd best tell your tale to the Squire. Ask him to come here as Magistrate.

TOM: Bring him here, sir?

KEWPER: As fast as the horse can go. Away with you now.


[Inn]


(Unaware that they are now murder suspects, the Doctor and his companions have finished their meal in the privacy of the inglenook. Polly fails to stifle a huge yawn.)

POLLY: Oh, sorry.

(Suddenly Cherub strides in with three rough looking sailors. He marches over to the Doctor.)

CHERUB: I want you, old fella.

(The Doctor turns slowly and rises to his feet.)

DOCTOR: I beg your pardon, sir?

CHERUB: Don't you come the gent with me, matey. We're going to have words together, you and me.

BEN: Get your dirty hands off him, mate.

CHERUB: You what, lad?

BEN: I said lay off. What's he done to you?

DOCTOR: I don't think I've set eyes on you before in my life, man.

CHERUB: No, but we have a mutual acquaintance though.

DOCTOR: And what do you mean?

CHERUB: Joseph Longfoot.

BEN: What, the Churchwarden?

DOCTOR: Yes, he merely tried to help us. Barely an acquaintance.

CHERUB: Was, you mean. You see, him and me, we had a little bit of a tizzy like, mate.

POLLY: Dead.

CHERUB: The trouble was, he forgot to give me an urgent message before he passed over. But he spoke to you, didn't he, ay?

DOCTOR: And how do you know all this, sir?

CHERUB: 'Cause I was keepin' look out, that's why.

BEN: Well, you're wrong, see.

CHERUB: Well, what I want is what he told him, so speak up, old fella!

POLLY: Leave the Doctor alone.

(One of the men clamps a grubby hand over Polly's mouth.)

CHERUB: Doctor ay? Well, sawbones, speak up, or do I have to make you?

DOCTOR: Don't harm them!

CHERUB: Well, come quietly then.

DOCTOR: And where are you taking me?

CHERUB: You wait and see, sawbones. Daniel!

(Powerless to resist with a knife to his throat, the Doctor is tied hand and foot, hauled over the shoulder of one of the pirates and carried away. Polly is shoved roughly aside when she attempts to stop them while Ben lies on the ground, having been viciously clubbed down in the struggle.)


[Inn yard]


(The Doctor is dumped onto a rough cart and covered in straw.)

CHERUB: Go on before to the beach, ya scum!

(The cart is dragged out of the yard by the pirates.


[Inn]


(Distraught Polly discovers that Ben is unconscious.)

POLLY: Help, somebody! Help!


[Taproom]


POLLY: Help me! Please, help me! The Doctor, they've taken him!

KEWPER: Who has? Who's taken him?

POLLY: Those men! They were terrible and they've hurt Ben! You must help me!

KEWPER: Why, is he bad then, this lad?

POLLY: He's bleeding!


[Inn]


KEWPER: He's not dead though. Here, take his feet, lad.

(Settling Ben in a chair, Polly tries to make him more comfortable.)

KEWPER: Don't you worry, lad. Squire'll be here soon.

POLLY: The Squire? What can he do? I want to get the Doctor back safely.

KEWPER: The Squire's the law in these parts, cub. And guard your tongue when talking to your elders.

POLLY: But you don't understand. They were threatening to kill the Doctor.


[Beach]


(The pirates drive the cart to the cliffs, where the Doctor is carried down to the beach and then bundled into a rowing boat.)


[Inn yard]


(Meanwhile, Squire Edwards rides to the inn. )

SQUIRE: What's this I hear, Jacob, ay?

KEWPER: Trouble, Squire. Strangers.

SQUIRE: Oh, let's deal with it then!


[Inn]


POLLY: Ben.

SQUIRE: Now then. So these are your strangers, eh?

KEWPER: Aye, Squire, and this one's wounded.

SQUIRE: Hmm? Oh, aye. He'll need binding. Tom.

TOM: Sir?

SQUIRE: Fetch cloth and water, and a drop of brandy, eh.

KEWPER: Oh, I don't

SQUIRE: Kewper.

KEWPER: Oh aye, Squire. Go, Tom.

POLLY: Will he be all right?

SQUIRE: Aye, boy, he will. Now, tell me, where's your Master?

POLLY: He's been kidnapped. You've got to save him.

SQUIRE: Kidnapped? And who are the ruffians who did this, ay?

POLLY: Well, there were four of them.

SQUIRE: Before you tell me this tale, tell me about yourself.

POLLY: Me? But the Doctor's the

SQUIRE: Doctor? Oh, aye him. Well, let's not beat about the bush. I want to know who the three of you are and where you've come from?

POLLY: But the Doctor will be killed if you don't do

KEWPER: Speak when the Squire tells you.

SQUIRE: If you want help, I want the truth. Sit a minute. Well?


[Black Albatross deck]


(The boat is rowed out towards a dark, sinister looking ship anchored a short distance out to sea, a pirate vessel named the Black Albatross. The Doctor is lashed into a chair and hauled aboard. On deck, Cherub cuts him loose. Filmed at Newlyn.)

CHERUB: Come, my beauty, I'll take you to the Captain. You'll find he likes a little conversation with a fine gentleman like yourself.


[Inn]


(Ben regains consciousness.)

BEN: Oh, blimey, my head. Well, what happened? Well, where's the Doctor?

POLLY: Ben, he's been taken and we're in trouble.

BEN: Eh? How?

POLLY: The big man over there, he's the Squire, and he insists on knowing who we are and where we're from.

BEN: Oh, you haven't told him?

POLLY: Well, of course not, but he won't help us if we don't speak.

SQUIRE: So, you've come to, have you? I've told your young friend here, I want information. He's refused to give it to me. I demand to be told the truth.

BEN: You'll get it when you got the Doctor back.

KEWPER: You speak civil to the Squire.

BEN: Well, why don't you all do something? Don't just stand there.

SQUIRE: Be silent, sir! I hold you both to be knaves and rogues and of highly suspicious intent. And as Magistrate of this Borough, I'm hereby arresting both of you.

BEN: Arresting us? What for?

SQUIRE: For the murder of the Churchwarden. And for this villainous deed you'll be imprisoned until the next Assizes, and there punished accordingly.


[Black Albatross deck]


PIKE [OC]: Enter!


[Pike's cabin]


(Cherub shoves the Doctor into the Captain's cabin. A fearsome looking bearded man in fine clothes sits at a table enjoying a splendid meal. He is not pleased to be disturbed.)

PIKE: Cherub, what in hell's name have you dragged in here now?

DOCTOR: I demand

PIKE: Silence!

CHERUB: Holy Joe's dead, Captain. Dead before he'd tell his secret.

PIKE: What's that ye say?

CHERUB: But before he died he spoke with this old sawbones here.

PIKE: Ah.

CHERUB: The sawbones won't talk, not to me.

(Rising to his feet, the Captain lifts his right arm revealing a vicious-looking barbed hook where his hand should be.)

PIKE: Well, by thunder, ye'll talk to me. Or my name's not Samuel Pike!

(The hook bites deep into the table top.)


Episode Two


[Pike's cabin]


DOCTOR: I can tell you nothing, sir.

CHERUB: They talked, Captain. I saw 'em. Holy Joe whispered in his ear secret-like.

DOCTOR: I do not know this Holy Joe that you keep referring to.

PIKE: Holy Joe Longfoot, an old shipmate of ours. Blast his eyes.

CHERUB: The Churchwarden to you, sawbones.

DOCTOR: He was a member of your crew?

PIKE: Him and me and Cherub was all mates together, serving under Avery.

DOCTOR: Avery.

CHERUB: Aye, Captain Avery. The sharpest skipper that ever sailed out of Bristol port.

PIKE: Aye, and one of the blackest. Morgan was a woman aside 'a him.

DOCTOR: Of course, of course. Avery the pirate. I should have known.

CHERUB: Don't come the innocent with us, sawbones. You know what Joe was hiding.

PIKE: He took plunder that was rightfully ours, and we mean to get it back, and you may lay to that.

CHERUB: He died before he talked to me, but he told you something.

PIKE: You're going to tell us, ain't ya. Ay? Ay?

CHERUB: Oh, let me make him talk, Captain.

PIKE: Old man, are ye truly a sawbones?

DOCTOR: I would prefer you to use the correct term, sir. I am a doctor.

PIKE: Well, Doctor, ye had best start using your cleverness. So talk, before I let Cherub have ye.

CHERUB: Let me show him first, Captain, ay? Let me give him a taste of Thomas Tickler.

PIKE: He'd be a credit to your trade, would Cherub, Doctor. A touch like an angel's wing he has with that blade.

CHERUB: Sharp as a whistle, it is. Ever seen a head with no ears, sawbones, ay? Or what them Mexican Indians can do to a bloke's eyelids, ay?

DOCTOR: You vicious fellow. Get him off my back!

CHERUB: Don't you talk to me like that. Oh, Captain, give me the word. Just give me one minute. I'll have the words spilling out of him like blubber from a whale.

PIKE: Well, Doctor? Will ye loosen your tongue or lose it altogether?


[Gaol cell]


(Ben and Polly have been locked up in the village gaol.)

BEN: Oh, of all the bloomin' fixes to be in.

POLLY: I don't know. I find it pretty exciting.

BEN: Oh, you would. But I don't go a bomb on this tune, and I can't very well report back to a seventeenth century navy.

POLLY: Ah, you've got no imagination, that's your trouble. It's great.

BEN: Oh, great. Stuck in jail for murder. Oh, honest. Who'd have our luck?

POLLY: The point is, how on earth are we going to get out of here? There must be some way.

BEN: Well, there better be. I'm not going to swing for that old nut case at the church.

POLLY: Ben!

BEN: What?

POLLY: Look in the corner! It's a rat!

BEN: Oh, shut up screaming. You big baby. Be quiet.

POLLY: Oh no. I can't bear them. Oh, please do something about it. Oh no. I hate

(Tom appears in the window of the door.)

TOM: What you screaming for?

BEN: Oh, nothing, We're just happy, mate, that's all.

POLLY: What's your name? Didn't we see you at the inn?

TOM: Name's Tom. I've been put in charge of you prisoners. I've got the keys. But I'm not to speak with you murderers.

BEN: But we didn't kill him.

TOM: Only a stranger'd kill the Churchwarden. You're strangers.

BEN: But we're not the only ones. What about the geezers who kidnapped the Doctor?

TOM: No one else has seen them.

POLLY: But they were there. How else do you suppose the Doctor would disappear?

BEN: Oh, the daft nit. What'd he think it was, magic?

POLLY: Ben, that's it.

BEN: Aye? What is?

POLLY: In the seventeenth century they were terribly superstitious. They still believed in witches.

BEN: So what you going to do, fly out of here on a broomstick?

POLLY: No, but I think I've got a plan. Now wait, look. If we get this straw. Oh no, the rat's in the corner! You get me some straw, will you please?


[Outside the Inn]


(Kewper has urgent business to attend to. He locks up the inn and hurries to the harbour. Here he boards a small boat and rows out towards the Black Albatross.)


[Pike's cabin]


(The Doctor is managing to maintain a brave face in spite of Cherub's heavy handed threats.)

DOCTOR: If I am to reveal something of what I know, then I demand consideration, sir.

CHERUB: Don't listen to him, Captain. There's trickery afoot.

DOCTOR: Oh, I find your friend rather a bore, but you I think a gentleman. So let us talk like gentlemen.

CHERUB: Captain?

PIKE: What makes you think I like gentlemen, ay?

DOCTOR: Well, it's quite obvious to the perceptive eye, sir. Your dress, your manner, your taste. Yes, you're the type of man that has raised himself to an exalted position unaided. Hmm, hmm.

PIKE: Aye, with this to help me.

DOCTOR: Oh, quite so, quite so. But you are neither a barbarian, or a savage. I can see that.

CHERUB: Oh, Pike

PIKE: Cherub, you've got a funny sense of humour.

CHERUB: Aye Captain.

PIKE: Well, Doctor, you talk sweet, but don't toy with me or you'll rue it.

DOCTOR: My dear sir, I'm sure you can quickly see through any flattery of mine.

PIKE: Aye, indeed I could.

DOCTOR: So let us talk like men of the world. Be elegant, and with dignity.

PIKE: Talk away.

DOCTOR: May I sit down?

CHERUB: Beware his tongue, Captain.

PIKE: Make way for the Doctor, ye swab.

DOCTOR: Thank you, my man.

PIKE: Cherub, I'm entertaining a guest, and you ain't being very polite.

CHERUB: But he's a snake, Captain.

PIKE: One more word out of you and I'll slit your gizzard, right? Now, let us talk together like gentlemen. Eh, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Thank you, no. That would indeed be pleasant.

PIKE: Wine, Cherub, to help the Doctor talk more freely.

DOCTOR: One thing more, before we go on any further.

PIKE: Aye?

DOCTOR: Now that we understand each other, I think it would only be fair that if I impart the information you require, I should receive some small reward?

PIKE: Aye. You'll get your reward, never fear.

DOCTOR: In fact, a share?

PIKE: A share?

DOCTOR: Yes, indeed, yes. After all my dear Captain. Thank you. There is quite enough to go round, is there not?

PIKE: For them that deserves it. Aye, well.

DOCTOR: Well, here's to a better acquaintance. Mmm. Oh, yes indeed. Yes, a very fine old Madeira. Yes. Indicative of your general taste, sir, if I may say so.

PIKE: Aye, ye may say so Now tell us what we want to know!

(A sailor bursts in unannounced. His name tells his origins.)

PIKE: What?

JAMAICA: Captain! Boat to leeward.

PIKE: Coming up on the sly, is she?

JAMAICA: Gi' us a shout, all friendly.

CHERUB: We got no friends hereabouts.

PIKE: Aye. Cherub, ask them to kindly step aboard a while.

CHERUB: What then, Captain?

PIKE: If it's a revenue man, you can have him

(Cherub leaves.)

PIKE: And just in case they're friends of yours, Doctor. Jamaica?

JAMAICA: Captain?

PIKE: Take my guest to the galley. Give him food and wine. He's precious.

JAMAICA: Aye, Captain.


[Gaol cell]


BEN: Okay?

POLLY: Here goes.

BEN: Right!

(Ben knocks on the door.)

BEN: Tom! Thomas me ol' mate. Tom! Come quick! Tom! Quick!

TOM: Oh, what's your noise for now?

BEN: Tom can you see Poll, er, Paul there?

TOM: Aye?

BEN: Well, quick Tom, open the door. Come in and help me. Quick, Tom, open the door!

(Polly has made a straw doll which she swings to and fro with every appearance having gone into a trance. Tom enters the cell.)

TOM: What's that? What's he doing?

BEN: You see Paul, Tom. Well, he's the gibbet.

TOM: Eh?

BEN: He's been took over, Tom, by the spirit of his master.

TOM: No. Such things ain't to be seen by human souls.

BEN: His master, Tom, the bloke what was kidnapped. He's a warlock.

TOM: A warlock! Heaven save us!

BEN: Not us, Tom, you!

TOM: Me?

BEN: The old Doctor's a wizard, no less, Tom, and us two's his apprentices.

TOM: You got the power?

BEN: We have, Tom, from our master. Now, you see the gibbet? You see the fellow what's swinging here?

TOM: That's a doll. Just a straw doll.

BEN: Ah, sure mate. But it's more than that 'cos it's got a soul. Someone else's soul!

TOM: No.

BEN: It's our master, Tom. He's captured the soul of someone he holds responsible for us being here, and he's gonna do him in!

TOM: Well, it ain't me. I ain't but lookin after ye.

BEN: But there's one hair from your head inside that doll, Tom.

TOM: No!

BEN: Can you feel yourself swinging?

TOM: It ain't my fault! It were the Squire that ordered it.

BEN: It's too late, Tom. It's you there swinging! And in a minute that doll's gonna fall, and when it does

TOM: Oh, sir, save me, save me. I swear it weren't my doing.

BEN: Is that the truth, Tom?

TOM: Oh, sir, it is. It is. Save me! Save me!

BEN: Tom, there is a way.

TOM: Tell me, sir. I'd do anything.

BEN: The spell can only work if we're held prisoners. Now, if we were free?

TOM: But, but sir, I gave my word to master Kewper.

(Polly wails again.)

BEN: Quick, Tom, before your doll falls. Your time's up this minute! Quick!

TOM: Oh, sir, I'll do it. I'll do it! Wait a minute, sir. I'll free you. Oh, sir, have pity. Have mercy.

BEN: Well done, Tom. We'll put a good word in for you, mate.

TOM: Sir, am I safe now?

POLLY: Take this, Tom. While you hold it my master will know you and nothing will happen

BEN: Come on, Polly! See you sometime, old son. Hey, and remember. From now on you're one of us. Come on, this way.


[Gaol house]


POLLY: Ben, where on earth do we go from here?

BEN: Well, not the inn, that's for sure.

POLLY: I haven't got the faintest idea where the Doctor is.

BEN: I know, we'll try the old church.

POLLY: Yes, that should be safe enough.

BEN: We might pick up some kind of clue there.

POLLY: And maybe find out who really killed the Churchwarden.

BEN: Yeah. Come on, down here.


[Black Albatross deck]


(Cherub welcomes their uninvited guest aboard.)

CHERUB: And just who's this we have the pleasure of welcoming aboard, at?

KEWPER: Jacob Kewper's the name. Innkeeper come to talk business.

CHERUB: Oh? And how would you know of our business, ay matey?

KEWPER: It's more in the manner of putting business in your way.

CHERUB: And what would an innkeeper want with honest sailors?

KEWPER: Ah no, master. That would be your skipper's ear if he'll but listen, at?

(Kewper slips Cherub a gold coin.)

CHERUB: Sounds like he might be interested.

KEWPER: It'll be worth his while.

CHERUB: Come below, matey. But belay any tricks, ay, Master Kewper?


[Pike's cabin]


(There is a knock on the door.)

PIKE: Enter.

CHERUB: A visitor, Captain, who says he'd talk of business.

PIKE: Business?

KEWPER: Aye, business to interest a merchant like yourself, sir, to our mutual benefit.

PIKE: Aye?

KEWPER: Brandy, silks perhaps? Or should I call it merchandise?

CHERUB: Sounds dishonest, Captain.

PIKE: Aye, it does, by Morgan's beard.

KEWPER: The only man who would call such business dishonest would be a revenue man.

(Pike spits.)

PIKE: Master innkeeper, I keep a law-abiding ship here, and a clean one.

KEWPER: There is nobody who doubts that, Captain.

PIKE: And I'll have the ears of any man who thinks he'll land me before a judge.

KEWPER: Oh, Heaven preserve us.

PIKE: But I'm willing to do business with any swab I can trust and who trusts me.

KEWPER: Trust. Aye, if there's smuggling to be done.

PIKE: So that's your business. I'd know more of this before I drop anchor here, so talk up, man.

KEWPER: And I'll not give details until we shake hands on it. But, I tell you, we are well supported.

PIKE: I'd not prejudice my good name.

KEWPER: Would you throw in your lot with the Squire, and the Churchwarden, ay?

PIKE: Maybe.

(Cherub steps forward and pinions Kewper's arms.)

PIKE: But not with scum like you.

KEWPER: What trick's this?!

PIKE: The choicest apples, top of the barrel, Innkeeper? I've a mind to have word with this Squire of yours.

KEWPER: I speaks for him! You'll do no business without me.

PIKE: Better for you if he does, matey. Else there'll be another corpse put ashore with Joe Longfoot, ay Cherub?

CHERUB: Indeed, Captain.

KEWPER: Longfoot? The Churchwarden? You killed him. What for?

PIKE: Because he crossed me, that's why. And nobody who crosses Pike lives to tell the tale.

KEWPER: You're Captain Pike?

PIKE: Jamaica! There's more to this than we reckoned, ay Cherub?

CHERUB: Indeed there is, Captain.

JAMAICA: Captain?

PIKE: Fetch the Doctor, Jamaica.

JAMAICA: Yes, sir!

KEWPER: Why should you come here?

PIKE: Your tongue is nigh as long as your ears, Innkeep. Careful we don't cut them both short for ya. We're going ashore, Cherub.

CHERUB: What about the old Sawbones, Captain?

PIKE: When we come back. Then's his time. You and the sawbones, both guests of mine till I return.

(Jamaica reappears with the Doctor. Pike takes down a fearsome looking cat'o'nine tails from a hook on the wall.)

PIKE: Treat them well and kindly, Jamaica. But if there's any funny business, why, use this on them.

JAMAICA: Sure, Captain.


[Church crypt]


(Finding the church empty, Ben and Polly go down into the crypt.)

BEN: Well, there's not much down here.

POLLY: There's nothing up in the vestry, and we searched that thoroughly enough.

BEN: You know, the old boy must have been bumped off pretty soon after we left.

POLLY: Ben, perhaps the murderer was hiding down here all the time.

BEN: Yeah, could be.

(Polly moans.)

BEN: Maybe he kept his money box down here, or something?

POLLY: What? Oh, yes. He did look like a bit of a Scrooge, didn't he?

BEN: Well, he was dead scared of something, I know that.

POLLY: Yes, almost as though he was even expecting something to happen.

BEN: Yeah. Hey, Polly!

POLLY: What? Where are you?

BEN: Listen, maybe the murderer will come back to the scene of the crime.

POLLY: Oh, no! Oh, shut up, Ben. You are a fool.

BEN: Yeah, maybe you're right, Duchess. Early days for Sherlock Holmes, I suppose.

POLLY: Yeah, well, I'm not playing what's his name? Watson to you. Oh, dear, I wish we knew where the Doctor was.

BEN: Yeah, and the Tardis too. In fact, if I know him, I bet he's back in it all comfy.

POLLY: Do you think so? Well then we've jolly well got to find the Tardis too.

BEN: Yeah, that's not such a bad idea. The beach wasn't far from here. Come on.

(A rumbling, grinding sound stops Ben and Polly in their tracks. Ducking down to hide, they watch as one of the tombs swings aside and a dark cloaked figure emerges from a hidden passageway. As the man passes by, Ben knocks him to the ground.)

BEN: Gotcha!

POLLY: Ben, do you think it's the murderer?

BEN: I'm not stopping to find out. Tie him up first and ask questions after, love.

POLLY: Listen, if this is the murderer then we're in the clear. And then if we tell the Squire, now he'll help us find the Doctor.

BEN: Oh, I'm not so sure. He was a bit thick-headed, that Squire. Too much like a petty officer for my liking.

POLLY: Yeah, but we'll never find the Doctor without help. And only he can work the Tardis.

BEN: Yeah, I see what you mean. I don't fancy getting stuck with this lot for good.

POLLY: Listen, you stay here and guard him, and I'll go to the Squire and tell him we caught him, shall I?

BEN: Well, hadn't I better go?

POLLY: No, I'll go. I don't like it down here.

BEN: Okay. Oh, look, Polly. Don't tell him about that, ay?.

POLLY: No all right. I don't suppose I'll be long.

BEN: Polly. Take care, love.


[Black Albatross deck]


PIKE: Well, what think ye, Cherub? Do I look presentable?

CHERUB: As a picture, Captain, but for that.

PIKE: Yes, my little pike will hardly be welcome at the manor, ay?

(Pike removes his hook and gives it to the cabin boy.)

PIKE: There lad, take care of that till I get back.

CHERUB: Ready there below!


[Church crypt]


(Ben removes the gag from the bound man.)

BEN: All right mate. Let's hear what you've got to say for yourself.

BLAKE: Untie me at once, you rogue. Do you not know who I am?

BEN: You tell me.

BLAKE: I am Josiah Blake, the King's revenue officer.

BEN: Oh yeah? Prove it.

BLAKE: My word should be enough.

BEN: Well, not for me it's not, mate.

BLAKE: Untie me this instant.

BEN: I'm sorry, old son, but I'm not taking any risks. You may be what you say, but then again you may not.

BLAKE: And who are you, sir? Pray, tell me that.

BEN: Well, I'm just a sailor. Only I got nabbed for the murder of the Churchwarden which I did not do. So, as you turn up on the scene of the crime I reckon you're a good suspect.

BLAKE: I am here in the pursuance of my duty.

BEN: Oh? And what's that?

BLAKE: I'm after the smugglers, and I think I've found the route that they've been using.

BEN: Ay?

BLAKE: That passageway.

BEN: Oh, sure, and I suppose the Churchwarden's one of them.

BLAKE: Hmmm.

BEN: Pull the other one, mate. It rings.

BLAKE: What say you?

BEN: Oh, forget it.

BLAKE: But this is so, I tell you, in truth. The Churchwarden was suspected.

BEN: Honest?

BLAKE: I was hoping to confront the villain with the evidence of that passageway, but now that he's dead.

BEN: Ah, you're stumped. You ain't got no proof.

BLAKE: No, proof aplenty. That tunnel leads through a series of caves down to the beach.

BEN: Down to the beach?

BLAKE: Aye.

BEN: You've just brought me good news, mate.

BLAKE: Hey, where are you going?

BEN: Well, just for a look. Won't be long.

BLAKE: Hey, come back here! Stop in the King's name!


[Squire's hall]


(Pike and Cherub wait to see the master of the house.)

PIKE: There's style, Cherub, style.

CHERUB: This would fetch a pretty penny.

PIKE: Belay that, ye dolt. We are honest men, remember? Now, here is our plan. We'll find out all we need to know about these little villains.

CHERUB: Smugglers, huh.

PIKE: And we'll take their store, find Avery's treasure, and this into the bargain.

(The squire's manservant, Birch, shows them into the study.)


[Squire's study]


SQUIRE: Ah, good morning gentlemen. Good morning to you. Will you take wine with me?

PIKE: Nay, nay, sir Squire. We are come on a matter of business.

SQUIRE: Business? So early in the day? What can be so urgent so early?

PIKE: We were sent by a friend.

SQUIRE: Friend?

CHERUB: Jacob Kewper.

SQUIRE: Kewper, ay? Then you must be

PIKE: Merchants, sir. Honest merchants.

SQUIRE: By my favourite mare, that's witty, Business, indeed,

PIKE: The very word friend Kewper used himself, sir.

CHERUB: Aye.

SQUIRE: Aye. Where is the fellow. Should he not be handling this affair?

CHERUB: Aye, that he is, sir. He's back at the ship accounting our various merchandise.

PIKE: Aye, such silks, such brandy and tobacco. Aye, Squire, indeed.

SQUIRE: Oh, this is worthy of a toast, gentlemen. I insist you drink with me. Brandy, eh? Silks and tobaccos. Well, here's to a fine cargo and a gallant captain.

PIKE: And here's to a good landfall and no tales told.

CHERUB: And so say I.

PIKE: Forgive him, sir Squire. An honest fellow, but unused to the ways of gentlefolk.

SQUIRE: Oh, no consequence, no consequence. Pray, have you breakfasted?

PIKE: Aye, but I would remind you, sir, we still have business in hand.

SQUIRE: Indeed. Now, what would Kewper have me do?

PIKE: Sir, he thought you might spare the time of day to explain such petty matters as must trouble us poor sailors.

CHERUB: Aye, where to land, where to leave the goods, and things.

SQUIRE: Oh, as for delivery, 'tis at the church on the cliff top. Likely, eh?

PIKE: Most suitable. But who will receive our goods, sir?

SQUIRE: Ah, twas to have been the Churchwarden, bur he's been most foully murdered by renegades.

CHERUB: Shame, such a holy-minded man.

PIKE: But where are we to beach our boat, sir?

SQUIRE: Ah, now I think it best if we

(They are interrupted as Birch drags Polly into the study.)

SQUIRE: Great Heavens! This is one of the very renegades who slew poor Longfoot. How did you escape? Well done, Birch.

POLLY: Well done, nothing. I came here of my own free will, Squire.

SQUIRE: You may go, Birch.

POLLY: I came here to tell you that we found

(Polly recognises Cherub.)

POLLY: You! you're the one that kidnapped the Doctor.


[Pike's cabin]


(Jamaica watches with suspicion as the Doctor approaches Kewper and they speak softly.)

DOCTOR: Tell me about my friends.

KEWPER: It's bad news, sir.

DOCTOR: Why, is there trouble?

KEWPER: Aye, they are taken for trial for the murder of the Churchwarden, which was done by Cherub, sir.

DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious. We must escape from here and try and help them.

KEWPER: Aye, not only for the sake of your friends, sir, but for the sake of the whole village yonder.

DOCTOR: But I don't understand you.

KEWPER: Pike is the bloodiest pirate now alive, sir. No one has ever seen that deadly hook and lived.

DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I quite agree. A somewhat violent man.

KEWPER: Why did he take you, sir?

DOCTOR: Oh, because he thought that I held the secret of the treasure belonging to the deceased pirate, Avery.

KEWPER: Avery's gold? Buried ashore?

DOCTOR: Oh, yes, he's determined to get it. Apparently the Churchwarden knew something about it.

KEWPER: Then Pike'll have it, sir, or raze the village to the ground in the finding of it.

DOCTOR: But the officers of the law?

KEWPER: Oh, they'd be no match for Pike's men, sir. Once he's laid his plans, we and the village are lost. We must get back word to them, sir.

DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I think I agree. Yes, well, bear with me, sir. I have a plan.

(The Doctor raises his voice.)

DOCTOR: Er, tell me, sir. Er, you play cards?


[Squire's study]


SQUIRE: I don't believe one word of this trumped-up story. Not a jot.

CHERUB: Such a sweet young face and yet so wicked.

PIKE: It smacks of a trap, ay, Mister Cherub?

CHERUB: Indeed it does, Captain. Very dangerous.

POLLY: But we are innocent and he took the Doctor.

PIKE: I have none sick aboard. Wherefore should I need a sawbones?

POLLY: I don't know but you took him. And I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have a hand in the killing of the Churchwarden too.

SQUIRE: Cease these vile untruths, boy! These gentlemen are goodly merchants. I vouch for them. You are a stranger here, as is your companion, and therefore not to be trusted.

POLLY: But we haven't done anything.

SQUIRE: A man is dead, boy.

POLLY: We left him alive.

SQUIRE: Oh. Then you did speak with him. There's a damning fact, indeed.

PIKE: Out of the mouths of babes, ay?

CHERUB: Such acts of violence in one so young.

PIKE: Aye, young people are not what they were once, not in our time, ay Mister Cherub?

CHERUB: Indeed not, Cap'n. Very wicked.

SQUIRE: Now, who this poor fellow is you captured I know not.

PIKE: Might he not be, er, one of our mutual friends, Squire? A revenue officer.

SQUIRE: Oh, aye, indeed, it could be so.

CHERUB: Then perhaps we should fall in with this young rogue's pot o' purpose.

PIKE: Yes, recapture this villain's accomplice and let our man free.

CHERUB: That were best.

POLLY: Squire, you're being a fool. These men are villains.

PIKE: Oh, come, come, lad. Do we look so black-hearted?

CHERUB: Time's short if we're to prepare.

SQUIRE: Aye, we'll ride this very minute, and take our prize with us.

PIKE: Squire, do you not think this lad should be restrained a little, just in case of misfortune?

SQUIRE: Aye, I do. A happy thought, Captain.

PIKE: Here is cord.

CHERUB: And here is silence.

(Struggling furiously, Polly is bound and gagged.)


[Church crypt]


(Ben returns from the secret passage, delighted by what he has discovered.)

BEN: What a turn-up for the books. You don't know what kind of good turn you done me, mate.

BLAKE: I do not share your joyous feelings, boy. Untie me, I say.

BEN: The passageway leads right down to the beach all right, to the very spot we've been looking for.

BLAKE: Hey, boy, you one of these smuggling rogues after all?

BEN: No, of course not. But it leads right down to where the Tardis is.

BLAKE: The Tardis? What's that, a ship?

BEN: Well, sort of, but you wouldn't understand. Any way, it's there all ready for us to get away. If only I could tell the others, we could all escape.

BLAKE: Eh? Escape?

BEN: Yes, escape!

(The Squire descends the steps into the crypt.)

SQUIRE: Stand fast, I say there.

(Polly and Cherub behind him.)

BEN: Polly! And you!

SQUIRE: Recaptured again, ay boy? We'll have no more tricks this time.

(Drawing his pistol, the Squire advances on Ben.)


Episode Three


[Church crypt]


BEN: He's the bloke that kidnapped the Doctor.

PIKE: Wrong, lad. Don't deface the character of my dear friend.

BEN: Look, Squire, why can't you believe us.

SQUIRE: Hold your tongue. You're vagabonds, both of you, not to be trusted. Bind them, eh?

BEN: What about this one? He's a right villain.

SQUIRE: These gentlemen are honest merchants.

BLAKE: Squire! Squire! Here!

SQUIRE: Blake! What the blazes are you doing here?

BLAKE: I'd be obliged if you'd release me, sir, before asking questions of me.

SQUIRE: Aye, certainly, but I have no knife. One moment. This Blake is a revenue man. There's trouble afoot.

CHERUB: Should I?

PIKE: Nay, Mister Cherub, hold fast. What does he know?

SQUIRE: Nothing.

PIKE: Well, use him. Let him take these prisoners, as is his duty.

SQUIRE: Aye, then we're free of them.

BLAKE: Squire, won't you release me, sir?

PIKE: Cut him free, Mister Cherub.

SQUIRE: Aye, release him. You've laid hands upon one of the king's Revenue men, Josiah Blake.

BEN: But we thought he was the murderer.

SQUIRE: Be silent, sir! These pretty young vagabonds have murdered my Churchwarden.

BLAKE: Joe Longfoot?

SQUIRE: None other. They must be therefore taken to prison, and as Magistrate I place this duty upon you.

BLAKE: I am a Revenue man, sir, not your Sheriff.

SQUIRE: Nevertheless, you will do as I say.

BLAKE: I am on orders from the King, sir, for the apprehension of smugglers.

CHERUB: Could they not be smugglers too?

SQUIRE: Aye, indeed. What say you?

BLAKE: Aye, they could be.

BEN: Look, we haven't done a thing. We didn't kill anyone. We haven't smuggled anything. Look, sir, you can take our word for it.

CHERUB: Their tongues waggle o'er much for my ears.

SQUIRE: Aye, agreed.

BLAKE: Very well, I will take them with me. Thank you for saving me from these rogues. They will get the treatment they deserve.

SQUIRE: Take my pistol. They're wily knaves.

BLAKE: Oh, thank you, Squire. All right. Good day to you, Squire. All right, move, villains!

(Resigned to their fate, Ben and Polly are forced to comply. Blake follows them up the steps, covering them with the Squire's pistol.)


[Pike's cabin]


(Under Jamaica's watchful eye.)

DOCTOR: Now, sir, I hope this works. You may pick up any five cards.

KEWPER: Aye. One, two, three, four, five.

DOCTOR: Do you wish me to tell you?

KEWPER: Aye! I have no fear of what lies therein.

DOCTOR: Ah, such brave words, my friend, brave words. But these cards hold the secret to your life or death.

JAMAICA: I can tell you that without cards. Death!

DOCTOR: Do not mock that which you do not understand.

KEWPER: Oh, come, old man. Tell me what the future holds. Read the cards.

DOCTOR: Very well, my friend, very well. Be it on your own head.

(The Doctor turns Kewper's chosen cards one by one. The Jack of Clubs, Jack of Spades, King of Spades.)

DOCTOR: Oh, beware. Stand back, or you will affect the cards.

JAMAICA: Ah.

(The curious Jamaica backs off slightly. The last two cards are the Ace of Spades and the Jack of Diamonds.)

DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, that's very strange. And very disturbing.

KEWPER: What do these cards mean?

DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid they're rather unpleasant. Yes, the first one represents yourself, innkeeper.

KEWPER: I am no knave, sir!

DOCTOR: Well, the cards have it so, sir.

DOCTOR: And the second is master Cherub.

JAMAICA: See a dagger? That's Cherub right enough.

DOCTOR: The third is the king. The blackest villain of them all.

KEWPER: Next, the ace?

DOCTOR: Yes, and that is death itself.

JAMAICA: The Captain.

KEWPER: What, Pike? And this one, the Jack of Diamonds, what is he?

DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid I have no idea about that, sir, but I can assure you he will triumph in the end.

KEWPER: Ah, 'tis all madness.

DOCTOR: Well, you may call it what you wish. I know it's only cards, but sometimes they tell the truth.

JAMAICA: About any man, like me?

DOCTOR: Oh, yes indeed. Yes, yes. Aren't you afraid?

JAMAICA: Me? Jamaica ain't afraid.

DOCTOR: Very well then, my friend, shuffle for yourself and let's see them reveal your own fate.

(Fumbling, the Doctor drops the cards. As Jamaica bends to pick them up Kewper clubs the sailor from behind knocking him unconscious.)

DOCTOR: Well done, innkeeper. Now, a rope. Tie him up.

KEWPER: A guileful trick, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Yes, perhaps, perhaps, yes.

KEWPER: It was a trick, was it not?

DOCTOR: No time for idle speculation. We have to get away from this boat as soon as we can.

KEWPER: 'Twill not be easy without being seen.

DOCTOR: Yes, it's our only chance.

KEWPER: Then we must try.

DOCTOR: Yes, and we've got to hurry if I'm to help my friends.

KEWPER: But first we must seek the aid of the Squire.

DOCTOR: Yes, because he has them prisoner.

KEWPER: But he is the Magistrate. He was but doing his duty. Once is he is informed, he will let them free. No doubt of that.

DOCTOR: Yes, I think you're quite right, yes. It's better to have the law on our side, isn't it?

KEWPER: In these dark days honesty surely pays.

DOCTOR: Yes, well, I hope your fortune turns out all right, my friend.

(Kewper and the Doctor move cautiously out on to the deck, sneaking past the crew who are occupied in a game of cards of their own. Kewper leads the Doctor back to his boat and then rows them back towards the shore.)


[Churchyard]


SQUIRE: I feel well free of these vagabonds.

PIKE: Such guile and wisdom, eh Mister Cherub? A master of men, no less.

CHERUB: Indeed, sir, a kid glove upon an iron hand.

PIKE: I wish it were always so easy to guide the officers of the Revenue. But I have not the quickness of wit of ye, Squire.

CHERUB: Such subtle ways gladden my soul.

SQUIRE: Indeed, if one has the brains, 'tis pity they be not used?

PIKE: Rid of both law and villainy. Indeed, sir Squire, I find myself trusting ye more and more.

CHERUB: With you to lead us, sir, all fears are dispelled. How can we fail?

SQUIRE: Indeed, we cannot. But I would surprise you more.

PIKE: How is that, sir Squire?

SQUIRE: Why, like this.

(He triggers a secret catch on the side of a nearby tomb, and the lid of the sarcophagus slides aside. It reveals not a pile of ancient remains but instead an impressive collection of smugglers booty.)

SQUIRE: The grave holds it's secrets, ay?

PIKE: But few as worldly as this, ay?

SQUIRE: Silks, tobacco and brandy, Captain. This is our immediate cache, you understand.

PIKE: Aye? Then where are we to place our merchandise?

SQUIRE: Why, upon the beach where you'll be met.

CHERUB: Whyfore not here?

SQUIRE: This is our domain, the sea is yours. Our routes and methods must remain our own. But have no fear, this will be emptied before tomorrow's tide.


[Squire's stables]


PIKE: Tomorrow night, then, sir, at the time arranged.

SQUIRE: Yes, a small beacon will be lit upon the shore at two past twelve. There you'll be met.

PIKE: What if there is any danger?

SQUIRE: A second fire will be lit close by.

PIKE: Why then, we are suited. Except for payment.

SQUIRE: Oh, that's soon settled. Not here, not now. Over wine and food. What say you?

(Pike and the Squire go inside the Hall. Cherub has been listening to their discussions from afar. When they have gone, he sets off back towards the coast.)


[Inn stables]


(Blake has forced Ben and Polly to walk back at gunpoint. Once inside, he approaches Ben, knife in hand.)

BEN: Hey!

POLLY: What are you doing?

BLAKE: Well, is it not obvious?

BEN: Well, yeah, but why release us, mate?

BLAKE: I know

BEN: Whose side are you on?

BLAKE: I know you not, but of your tale and the Squire's, I would rather trust your word than his.

POLLY: Well, thank goodness somebody believes us. Can you untie me then?

BLAKE: Aye.

BEN: Yeah, I was getting worried.

BLAKE: I have not said I hold you in complete trust.

BEN: Oh no, I know, because we're strangers. Anyway, mate, as long as you're against the Squire and those other two layabouts, we're with you.

POLLY: But why don't you trust the Squire?

BLAKE: Word of mouth has it that the Squire rules the smuggling ring, but as yet I have no proof.

BEN: What, can we help?

BLAKE: No, no. This calls for armed men.

POLLY: Armed men? Are you expecting something to happen?

BLAKE: Did you not observe the two men who were with the Squire? Seamen, both.

BEN: Sailors?

POLLY: Bringing goods for smuggling.

BLAKE: Aye, more than likely, and soon. This night or tomorrow, they will land their goods.

BEN: And then you'll be there to nab them.

BLAKE: Only if I can get men in time. Otherwise I can do nothing.

POLLY: But if these two sailors were smugglers, what would they want with the Doctor?

BEN: Who knows? He's got a funny way of landing himself right in it all the time.

BLAKE: This friend of yours, the one you call the Doctor, is he a learned man?

BEN: Oh, not half.

BLAKE: Oh, more's the pity. A soldier or a mercenary at this point would be mighty advantageous.

POLLY: The Doctor may not be a soldier, but he's jolly crafty at getting himself out of trouble. At least, he was when we were in London.

BEN: Yeah.

DOCTOR: Yes, and why not here, my dear?

BEN + POLLY: Doctor!

POLLY: What happened to you? Where did they take you? How did you escape?

DOCTOR: Oh, my dear child, my dear child, control yourself. Let it suffice that I did escape in the company of Kewper. You remember, the innkeeper?

BEN: But he's in with the Squire.

DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Yes, yes.

BLAKE: Kewper is thought to be deeply involved, and he knows me.

(Kewper appears behind the Doctor.)

KEWPER: We came to rescue you, lads. We know who killed the Churchwarden.

POLLY: Who did, then?

KEWPER: Well, the villain they call Cherub.

BLAKE: The villain who is now involved in more villainy with your Squire.

KEWPER: Hey, Mister Blake.

POLLY: It's true. And what's more, Mister Blake knows that Ben and I are innocent and it's you and Squire that are

BEN: No, Polly!

KEWPER: It's a trap you set for me, is it? Did I but know that you were a revenue spy.

BLAKE: No, Master Kewper.

KEWPER: Stand from me, I say. Aye, Doctor, but that you saved me from death I'd slay you now. But the next time we meet, look not for pity then.

(Kewper hurries to his horse.)


[Stable yard]


(Blake dashes after him but ducks back as Kewper brandishes his pistols.)

KEWPER: Take that!

(Kewper gallops from the yard.)

BLAKE: Stop in the name of the law!

(Kewper shoots at Blake.)


[Pike's cabin]


JAMAICA: Captain, they tricked me into it. I swear it was no fault of mine.

PIKE: Aargh, ye black-souled scum! Escaped!

JAMAICA: But, Captain.

PIKE: I'll tear your liver out and feed it to the sharks, ye sea slime.

JAMAICA: It was the old man, Captain. He cast a spell on me, I swear it.

PIKE: I'll cast a spell on ye, me pretty death's-head. A spell that'll run from ear to ear. Escaped!

JAMAICA: 'Twas the black arts, Captain.

PIKE: Aagh.

JAMAICA: Spare me, Captain. Spare me.

PIKE: I'll keelhaul ye from here to Port Royal. Where did they make for?

JAMAICA: I know, Captain. I know.

PIKE: Then speak, boy, while ye still have breath.

JAMAICA: I heard them speak, Captain. They said about going to see the Squire.

PIKE: Ah, that buffoon, what good'll he be to them?

JAMAICA: They said that he was the law.

PIKE: Aye, had he a will he'd call the militia, but I doubt he'll do that.

JAMAICA: Captain, do you think he would lay a trap?

PIKE: It follows, Jamaica.

JAMAICA: So we have to surprise them, Captain.

PIKE: Ye speak straight, Jamaica. They expect us tomorrow night at two of the clock.

JAMAICA: Then, we must go tonight at one.

PIKE: Jamaica, ye'd have made a fine skipper but you're short on guile. Any dark of the night they'll expect us. We'll spike 'em. We'll land by day. Some will go direct to the church and loot the smuggler's horde. Me and Cherub will seek Avery's gold.

JAMAICA: Aye, Captain, plunder the inn, the village, and the Squire's fine hall.

PIKE: Aye, it will be a merry night, but not for ye.

JAMAICA: Captain. Captain. I beg thee. No! No! No! Ahh!

(Pike's hook flashes down.)

PIKE: Fare ye well, Jamaica.

(Wiping his hook clean on a lace handkerchief, Pike leaves Jamaica where he fell and goes in search of Cherub.)


[Black Albatross deck]


PIKE: Cherub! Cherub! Where in blazes of hell are you? Cherub! Where's Cherub? Speak, boy.

SAILOR: Not aboard, Captain. Not aboard.

PIKE: Not aboard? Where in Satan's name is he?


[Inn]


DOCTOR: Pike intends to sack the old church, and at the same time search for Avery's treasure.

BLAKE: Indeed? Strange secrets, these. But when?

DOCTOR: Well, I can't be exact, sir, but pretty soon. I should say tonight or tomorrow night.

BLAKE: Ah, then help is desperately needed if these pirates are to be thwarted.

DOCTOR: Yes, especially if, as Kewper thinks, that the village will be pillaged and burnt too.

BEN: Aye, what for?

BLAKE: 'Tis Pike's way. Death is second nature to him.

DOCTOR: Yes, at least the smugglers will have prior knowledge of Pike's plan now that Kewper has escaped.

BLAKE: If they're at each other's throats, this should give me the time I need to get men and arms.

DOCTOR: Yes, be off with you, sir.

BLAKE: Aye. Stable boy! Here, I say!

POLLY: Perhaps they'll just fight it out between them.

BLAKE: No, no, when their blood is up nothing will stand before them. Stable boy, get me my horse, quickly. Quickly, I say! Pray God I'll be back soon enough.

(Tom brings out the horse. Blake mounts up and rides off at full gallop.)

BEN: Well, we can leave this place anytime we like.

POLLY: We can't get down to the cave until next low tide.

DOCTOR: Oh, my child, explain yourself.

BEN: Well, Doctor, in the crypt at the old church there's this secret passage.

DOCTOR: Oh yes, you mean that place where the Revenue man came out of?

BEN: Yeah, but you don't know where it leads to. Smack down to where the Tardis is. So, all we've got to do is get back to the old church, go down the passage, and we're away, mate.

POLLY: Oh, thank goodness for that.

DOCTOR: Yes.

BEN: What's the trouble, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid, my boy, we can't leave at the moment.

POLLY: What? But why not?

DOCTOR: Yes, well I know it's really difficult for both you to understand, but I'm under moral obligation.

BEN: Well, about what? We've got no ties here.

DOCTOR: No, but it's this village. I feel that I might be responsible for it's destruction, and therefore I must at least try and avoid this danger until Blake comes back.

BEN: Yeah, but you heard what Blake said. We wouldn't stand a chance against Pike's mob. They're a right bunch of yobbos.

POLLY: We wouldn't stand a chance.

DOCTOR: Ah, wouldn't we, my dear?

BEN: Well, what does that mean?

DOCTOR: Well, you seem to forget, young man, that I've already met Pike, and I know something that he doesn't. The clue to the treasure.

POLLY: So, the poor old churchwarden did tell you something.

BEN: Oh, what are you up to now?

DOCTOR: Well, I think if we are able to find that treasure first, we might be able to bargain.

BEN: Well, I don't fancy it. I can't see him standing around chatting.

DOCTOR: Yes, and it's going to give us enough time for Blake to come back here, and the same time to save the people in this village.

POLLY: It would be awful to do otherwise.

BEN: Oh, a right couple of nut cases you two are. Oh well, all right, I'll try anything once.

DOCTOR: Well said, my boy. Now, let's get down to the church and hope that our luck still holds out. Come on, come on.

BEN: Hey Tom. Thanks again, mate.

POLLY: Bye, Tom. (Tom watches his new friends disappear down the road, secretly rather relieved to see them go.)

CHERUB: They've gone, haven't they, Tom. Be a good lad and tell me where, ay?


[Squire's Hall]


KEWPER: I tell you it is Pike.

SQUIRE: I've been tricked, and by him.

KEWPER: At least you've lived to tell the tale.

SQUIRE: To think I've delivered our plans into his evil hands. What are we to do?

KEWPER: We must play them at their own game, only more skillful, as with a fox.

SQUIRE: I do not relish crossing swords with Pike's hook.

KEWPER: If we but stick to clear thought we will not sink. And even better, we may profit.

SQUIRE: How profit?

KEWPER: His real reason in coming here was but to spy out the land. His greater interest lies in treasure.

SQUIRE: Treasure?

KEWPER: Avery's gold, or part of it.

SQUIRE: Here? In these parts?

KEWPER: Longfoot, the Churchwarden, was at one time one of this notorious band. They tracked him to his lair, knowing him to have the gold or secret access to it. They now firmly believe that it is hidden below the church.

SQUIRE: Avery's gold?

KEWPER: A dream to conjure with.

SQUIRE: Indeed, and hidden within our grasp, ay? But don't men say this gold is tainted?

KEWPER: Any villainy would be worthwhile for this end. So we must act.

SQUIRE: But how? And without bloodshed.

KEWPER: Well, by guile, I say. They will come soon, so we must come the sooner.

SQUIRE: Aye, forestall the villains and leave them nothing.

KEWPER: Aye, but later this night they will be upon us without a doubt. Thus, a trap must be laid.

SQUIRE: Aye, we have the time.

KEWPER: Once we have the treasure, we are made men. But they are to be crushed, or we are dead men.

SQUIRE: But I have told him of the shore and the tomb wherein our store is hid.

KEWPER: Then we know the path that they must follow this night. So, twenty hidden muskets and they are done for.

SQUIRE: Aye, and here's a triumph for law and order.

KEWPER: Ah, indeed. But first to the church and Avery's gold.

SQUIRE: Aye, away. Come man. Birch, I say!


[Squire's stable yard]


SQUIRE: Have we no clue, no knowledge of any burial place?

KEWPER: No one I know save the strange doctor knows Longfoot's secret.

SQUIRE: Then we must search even harder.

KEWPER: We ride alone?

SQUIRE: To be sure, to be sure.

(The Squire mounts his horse and then waits impatiently as Kewper's horse is brought out.)

SQUIRE: No, we will admit no other soul into this but ourselves. Avery's gold snatched clean from 'em.

KEWPER: I would see their faces at the empty chests. But sooner I would see them dead.

SQUIRE: Now come on, hyup, hyup.

(Agreed on their plan, Kewper and the Squire ride back toward the church. Meanwhile, riding hard, Blake urges his horse across open fields, determined to fetch reinforcements as soon as possible.)


[Churchyard]


POLLY: Well, here we are. Now where do we start looking?

BEN: What did the Churchwarden tell you, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Oh, for heavens' sake boy, some kind of code and I'm trying to work it out.

BEN: I'm sorry.

POLLY: Let him get on with it. He'll tell us when he's got it.

BEN: Weird lot of tombstones, aren't they?

POLLY: They're rather super, aren't they. Hey, let's try and find the oldest.

BEN: Yeah, OK. Hey Duchess, have a butchers at this one. Fifteen ninety two!

POLLY: That's not old, soppy. Don't forget we're not in the twentieth century. This is sixteen hundred and something.

BEN: Oh yeah, I forgot. Hey, this one's a laugh. Henry Hawksworth, he did die, of drinking too much small beer when he was dry.

POLLY: Some of these old names are fantastic. Hey, listen to this. Lucinda Maltree.)

DOCTOR: What did you say, dear?

POLLY: Lucinda Maltree.

DOCTOR: No, no, before. These names. Yes, yes, that's it!

POLLY: What is?

DOCTOR: Yes, of course. Dead man's secret.

BEN: What?

DOCTOR: Yes, yes, of course. That's the answer to the puzzle. Yes. All these dead people.

BEN: What, here in the graveyard?

DOCTOR: No. No, not here.

POLLY: Hey, in the crypt!

DOCTOR: Yes, my dear. Exactly! Good heavens, well, you are inspired. Come on, quickly.


[Church crypt]


BEN: Well what the heck are we looking for, Doctor?

POLLY: What was the secret the Churchwarden told you, Doctor?

DOCTOR: It was some kind of rhyme. Now, let me see. Dead man's secret key. Ringwood, Smallbeer and Gurney.

BEN: Dead man's secret. Well, that means names on tombstones. But how does that help?

DOCTOR: Well, we must find these names, mustn't we. Yes, that'll be the first step.

BEN: Well look, don't you want to see the secret passage?

DOCTOR: Oh yes, of course, dear boy, well, where is it? Where is it?

BEN: Up here.

(Ben leads the Doctor across to the far side of the crypt and activates the mechanism revealing the hidden entrance.)

DOCTOR: Yes. Oh, that's very clever. Yes. Very clever indeed, yes. Now just shut it up again, will you. Then we can get on.

BEN: Okay, you're the governor.

POLLY: Ringwood! I found Ringwood.

DOCTOR: Oh, good, my dear. Well, continue with the search. And then the sooner we'll have better you know, the sooner we find the secret.

BEN: Hey, Polly. Gurney! That's two of 'em.

POLLY: Only one more to go.

BEN: Come on, Smallbeer. Let's have you.

DOCTOR: Ah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yes!


[Churchyard]


(The vestry door is open.)

SQUIRE: Below the church, aye, in the crypt.

KEWPER: Open? But this is strange indeed.

SQUIRE: Are we forestalled?

KEWPER: We will see. But we'd best proceed with caution.

SQUIRE: Aye, they'd be few in number, I'd say.

KEWPER: Aye, no guards, no horses.

SQUIRE: Pike would be more watchful.

KEWPER: And Blake would be better equipped.

SQUIRE: Could it be this pestiferous Doctor?

KEWPER: If it is, then providence is on our side, for he holds the secret of the treasure, of that I'm sure.

SQUIRE: Then let us find him out.

KEWPER: We will.

(They go into the church.)


[Church crypt]


DOCTOR: Well now, we've found our three names.

BEN: Well I'm blowed If I can see how it helps.

POLLY: Nor me.

DOCTOR: Yes, of course, yes. It would help if we found four names.

BEN: What, another dead man's name?

DOCTOR: Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly.

POLLY: What are you talking about, Doctor? Tell us.

DOCTOR: Well, my dear, I

KEWPER: Aye, Doctor, tell us.

DOCTOR: And what are you doing here, sir?

KEWPER: The same as you, my friends. Seeking Avery's treasure.

SQUIRE: Aye, he may not have murdered the Churchwarden, but this does indeed show you're more than innocent travellers.

DOCTOR: And what name might yours be?

SQUIRE: Edwards, sir, Squire Edwards, local magistrate.

KEWPER: Oh, let's not waste time on formal greetings. The secret, old man.

DOCTOR: For what purpose?

SQUIRE: To forestall Pike, and

BEN: And line your own pockets. Yeah, fine magistrate you are.

KEWPER: Hold your tongue, cur. Riches are for them that takes 'em.

DOCTOR: I hope you don't expect me to help you.

KEWPER: You'll talk, Doctor, or these young sprigs will die for it.

DOCTOR: Here, now. Be careful sir.

SQUIRE: Nay, nay, Kewper, surely not.

KEWPER: Oh, be not lily-livered now. This gold is not for weaklings.

SQUIRE: I will not kill in cold blood.

KEWPER: He knows the secret. He must be made to talk.

SQUIRE: Not by this unholy threat. Let them be bound and we'll make our search ourselves.

KEWPER: What, and waste precious time? This is madness. The threat alone and he will talk.

SQUIRE: Not even that will I stomach, sir. Let us behave like gentlemen.

KEWPER: Gentlemen? Was this gold got by gentlemen? Is it now to be got by kindness?

SQUIRE: I will have my way, sir!

KEWPER: Don't truss up thy temper, I say.

(Unobserved, Cherub steals into the crypt armed with both knife and pistol.)

SQUIRE: Rogue, I could have thee hanged if I wont.

KEWPER: Threaten you me with the rope? Then you shall stand with me on the gallows.

SQUIRE: You grow overbold.

KEWPER: The rope will make more mark on your fine skin.

(A knife flashes through the air, thudding into Kewper's back. There's a gunshot, and Polly screams.)


Episode Four


[Church crypt]


(Cherub has shot the Squire, then knelt to retrieve his knife from Kewper's back.)

POLLY: Ben, do something.

BEN: You maniac!

CHERUB: Is there any more as fancies a free trip to Davey Jones, ay?

DOCTOR: By stabbing your man in the back, sir? You had us all at your mercy. There was no need for you to kill Kewper.

CHERUB: I fancied better odds than five against one, sawbones.

DOCTOR: What is it you want of us?

CHERUB: Why, the secret, of course. Where Avery's gold lies.

DOCTOR: And suppose we refuse to tell you?

CHERUB: Do you fancy these lads of yours meeting their maker so young, ay sawbones?

DOCTOR: I'm not going to barter with you, sir. Where is your captain?

CHERUB: Oh, you fancy you'll twist him round to your way, would you?

DOCTOR: He would at least listen.

CHERUB: Not here, matey. There's only one skipper here. Me.

BEN: You're alone, then?

CHERUB: That's right, matey. But I'm no fool, so one false move and I'll split you in two.

DOCTOR: Leave this to me, Ben, my boy.

CHERUB: That's right. Let the old fellow do the talking cause he knows the answers.

POLLY: But what about the Squire? He's badly wounded. He needs help.

CHERUB: Let him rot, the blockhead.

POLLY: But he needs water.

DOCTOR: Have some mercy.

CHERUB: Mercy. Why not? What's a moment's kindness? Here, give him this pannikin. Come.

(As Polly moves, Cherub grabs her, pressing his pistol to her head.)

CHERUB: That's better. Now sawbones, talk or the young lad dies.

(Unaware of the new threat facing his friends, Blake rides on towards the militia outpost. The Doctor draws Ben to one side.)

DOCTOR: We must play for time now. Trust me.

BEN: All right, you're the gov'nor.

CHERUB: Enough jabbering, sawbones. Where's it hid?

DOCTOR: Well, I must admit the Churchwarden did tell me something, but to be quite honest with you, I am baffled.

CHERUB: What's the puzzle?

DOCTOR: The dead man's secret key. Er, Ringwood, Smallbeer and Gurney. Were these names of villages around here?

CHERUB: No, no. I know those names. Old Jack Ringwood. He had a wooden leg. He was the finest master gunner that never served his king.

DOCTOR: And Gurney, what of he?

CHERUB: Old Zeb, the ship's chandler. A fellow that sewed many a merchant into a sailcloth nightgown.

POLLY: What?

CHERUB: A sailor's shroud to you, boy. And Daniel Smallbeer, there was a man. Fight along the side of him and he was like a killer whale.

DOCTOR: Good men, I take it?

CHERUB: All four of them, aye.

POLLY: Four?

CHERUB: Four. Tim Desmond, he were Avery's galley boy. Now what else did he tell ye?

DOCTOR: Nothing, I'm afraid, nothing.

CHERUB: Nothing? Did you say nothing?

DOCTOR: Now don't be hasty, please. I said I needed your help. Now this is how.

CHERUB: And that's all he told ye? Four names? Four names to Avery's gold?

SQUIRE: Avery's curse, what of that, ay?

CHERUB: Avery's curse. You can have that for the sharks.

SQUIRE: It's a curse men fear. Remember Avery's end? Did he not die a pauper?

CHERUB: Aye, rotten with rum and madness in his tongue.

SQUIRE: They say he bargained for his life. His soul in return for the souls of those who come after, seeking and finding the cursed treasure.

CHERUB: And if you so believed it, why did you seek the gold, ay sir Squire?

SQUIRE: Because I was a fool and ill led. Answer enough lies there, surely.

CHERUB: Enough of this. Old man, you know more and I will hear it said. Tell me now what the riddle means or in one minute's time.


[Beach]


(Pike and his men land in force. They drag their longboats high up onto the beach, above the tide line.)

GAPTOOTH: Quietly, my beauties, quietly.

PIKE: Spaniard, find Cherub for me, wherever he is.

(The Spaniard leaves and the remaining pirates swarm up the cliff path towards the church.)


[Church yard]


(Scouting ahead, Pike finds the graveyard silent and apparently deserted. Once he's sure it is safe, he signals to his men with a bird call. Warily the pirates emerge from hiding one by one and gather around Pike. The captain leads his men to the huge sarcophagus revealed earlier by the Squire as the smuggler's secret store. Pike searches for the lever that releases the lid of the tomb. At last he is successful and shoves the lid aside to reveal a generous stash of silks, spices and rum. One or two of the men have trouble containing their greedy instincts.)

PIKE: Belay there. Gaptooth, there's your loot.

GAPTOOTH: Aye, aye, Captain. Is it to be carried back straight away?

PIKE: Nay. Unload the tomb. Set the goods upon the shore. We go at my signal.

GAPTOOTH: It'll be dry work, Captain.

PIKE: Broach a cask, then.

GAPTOOTH: Aye, aye, sir.

PIKE: When it be finished.

GAPTOOTH: Aye aye, sir. Er, Captain, inside. Is there more loot there?

PIKE: Did I say there was?

GAPTOOTH: No, no!

PIKE: Do as ye bid, ye dog, or I'll leave ye in the coffin as a souvenir.

GAPTOOTH: Aye, aye, Captain. Get to it, lads.

PIKE: Cherub. Fie, where's Cherub?

(Pike enters the church.)


[Road]


(BLAKE and a squad of militia men are now approaching the outskirts of the village. Church Cove.)

BLAKE: Hurry along, you men.

SOLDIER: Idle dogs. On, men.


[Church crypt]


(Pike silently creeps down the steps behind Cherub.)

CHERUB: Your time's up. sawbones, so speak.

PIKE: What would you have him say, Cherub boy.

CHERUB: Oh, here at last, Captain. I've got him for ye.

PIKE: For me, you say?

CHERUB: Of course, Captain.

PIKE: Cherub, you deserted the ship.

CHERUB: Nay, Captain. I knew there was some trickery afoot. Didn't I say so, time and again?

PIKE: I never did trust that tongue of yours, Cherub. It was a might too like the archangel's.

CHERUB: But I found the sawbones, didn't I?

PIKE: Aye, and you'd have found the gold too, eh?

CHERUB: But I was making him talk, Captain. See? He spoke of Holy Joe's riddle. He was going to spill the whole cargo. I wasn't going to let no one do you down, Captain.

PIKE: No, Cherub?

CHERUB: Well, he'd have nabbed it all for himself, see? He'd have done for us both.

PIKE: Would he now? Do for Pike, would he? So that's the game, ay sawbones?

BEN: Look, the Doctor wouldn't cheat no one.

(Cherub brings his pistol to bear on Pike but the pirate captain knocks the weapon away with his sword.)

PIKE: By the Black Albatross, ye met your doom now, my Cherub.

CHERUB: Not from such a black pig as ye.

(Pike launches himself at Cherub and the two pirates begin duelling, cutlasses flashing.)

PIKE: I'll quarter ye, ye rat faced smiler. Only watch the hook, boy, for when it whistles then it is the end of ye.

(As the two pirates circle each other, the Doctor, Ben and Polly move aside.)

POLLY: Doctor, it's just like the Squire said. Avery's curse.


[Churchyard]


(The tomb is nearly empty and a keg of rum has been opened.)

GAPTOOTH: Come on now, you bilge breath. Get on with it.

SPANIARD: Ah stow it, Gaptooth.

GAPTOOTH: And you, Spaniard, do as you're bidden. If Pike finds you idling here you'll lose your ears as well as your tongue.

PIRATE: Go on, cut him, Will.

GAPTOOTH: Stop. Beware of Pike. Now you've earned your jot and you shall have it. But you Spaniard, and you David, to the beach with you.

(With extremely bad grace, the two pirates head off, loaded down with as much booty as they can carry between them.)

GAPTOOTH: Here.

(The remaining crew watch them go, passing the rum between them.


[Church crypt]


(The duel continues. Focused on each other, Pike and Cherub have no thought for the Doctor and his companions.)

BEN: Right, now's our chance. Down the tunnel.

DOCTOR: Yes, get Polly back to the Tardis, and I will follow immediately Blake returns with the men.

POLLY: But I can't leave you here alone.

DOCTOR: There is no other way, child. Without either of you they can't hold a hostage for me to force my hand.

BEN: Yeah, that's true. But, suppose they start on you?

DOCTOR: Ah, I've done it before, my dear boy. We must play for time.

(As Polly and Ben edge towards the tunnel, Cherub snatches up Kewper's fallen pistol and fires wildly at Pike.)

BEN: Right. Come on, back to the Tardis.

DOCTOR: Quickly. Quickly. I somehow don't think that master Cherub will be the winner.

(The Doctor watches as Cherub edges forward, scanning the gloomy crypt for Pike who has ducked out of sight. Meanwhile, Ben has opened the entrance to the secret passage. He ushers Polly inside ahead of him.)

BEN: Right, I'll give you fifteen minutes. If you're not back by then I'm coming for you.

DOCTOR: Yes, yes.

(The Doctor retreats into the shadows. Cherub moves warily past a large tomb, still looking for Pike who suddenly leaps from hiding. He catches Cherub by surprise, knocking the cutlass from his hand. In desperation Cherub throws his knife at Pike who dodges aside easily. Now unarmed, Cherub backs away, then slips and falls back, tumbling to the ground beneath a large stone angel. Mercilessly Pike closes in for the kill.)

PIKE: Well, my Cherub, you'll not need prayers in this company, ay?

(Pike runs Cherub through with his sword.)

PIKE: Back to your hell hole, Cherub!

(Cherub lies dead at Pike's feet.)

PIKE: Now, old man, the time has come.

DOCTOR: I think we agreed on that point previously.

PIKE: The secret.

DOCTOR: My dear Captain, I had every intention of telling you.

PIKE: And that's why ye fled me ship?

DOCTOR: I had no choice. My friends are in danger.

PIKE: Aye, those two lads. Where are they stowed away, sawbones? Is there another passage out of this crypt?

SQUIRE: Tell him nothing.

PIKE: Still alive, ay, gentleman Squire?

SQUIRE: Aye, I'll live to see you hanged.

PIKE: Think ye so?

DOCTOR: Stop! I made a bargain with you, sir, gave you my word. Don't you want me to keep it?

PIKE: Aye. That sounds like the foolishness of an honest man. Speak on.

DOCTOR: I wish to keep my side of the bargain, but I want to change the terms of my plan. That is, if I may.


[Beach]


(The Spaniard and David dump their haul of goods in an untidy pile and sit down to wait for the others. They quickly become bored and wander up the beach to explore the caves under the cliffs. They are perplexed to discover a strange tall blue box. Then venturing deeper into the caves they find the entrance to a tunnel.)


[Church crypt]


PIKE: Strange terms indeed.

DOCTOR: I prefer to call them humane, sir.

PIKE: And ye want none of the gold?

DOCTOR: I would rather not touch it.

PIKE: Ha. Heard of Avery's curse, ay?

DOCTOR: I have given you all my reasons. I want no part of the gold, though perhaps I can deliver it to you immediately.

PIKE: If I keep my lads out of the village?

DOCTOR: There is no need for innocent people to suffer.

SQUIRE: Well said, Doctor. Well said.

PIKE: I like my lads to be happy, sawbones. That way they work well.

SQUIRE: You'd have Avery's gold and our stores, would you, villain? Will nothing satisfy you?

PIKE: We have an uneasy conscience, have we, Squire? Ye lily-livered rogue. Ye dare to call to call me villain?

SQUIRE: Oh, I've been a rogue, I frankly admit it. The generosity of this stranger has shamed me. But I never spilled blood in my villainy. I beg you as a fellow rogue, if you must, spare my poor villagers.

PIKE: When the fever is in the lads' bones, nothing but blood will slake it.

DOCTOR: Senseless destruction.

PIKE: Tis by way of being a pastime with us gentlemen of fortune. Why should I stop them?

SQUIRE: So, you admit it to be difficult, at? You'd rather let them run mad than test their obedience, ay, Captain?

PIKE: No man defies me and lives to speak of it.

SQUIRE: No, but you'll not give that one order, ay? A highly disciplined crew, in truth.

PIKE: They'll do as I bid or die of it.

SQUIRE: Would they?

PIKE: Aye, they would.

DOCTOR: Prove it!

PIKE: Aye, I will. When I have the gold.

DOCTOR: I suppose we must trust you?

PIKE: Aye, ye must. And take heed of Cherub yonder, ay sawbones?

DOCTOR: Have no fear, Captain. I am not likely to try and cheat you just as he did.

PIKE: Out with it, then. Show me the gold.

(Blake and the militia finally sight the church along the cliff top. Allowing the men a few minutes to catch their breath, Blake divides them into two groups.)


[Tunnels]


(Ben leads Polly through the darkness towards the Tardis.)

BEN: Come on, ducks, we're nearly there.

POLLY: Oh, good. Ow! Oh!

BEN: You okay?

POLLY: Ow, yes. How much further is it?

BEN: I told you, we're nearly there. It's only about another hundred yards.

POLLY: Well, look. You go back and get the Doctor then.

BEN: But will you be all right?

POLLY: Yes, I'll be fine. Look, hurry. I'll see you back at the Tardis.

BEN: Okay then. Polly.

POLLY: Yes?

BEN: Put the kettle on.


[Cliff top]


(Having briefed the militia men, Blake wastes no time putting his plan into action.)

BLAKE: All right, Sergeant, off you go. The rest of you come with me.

(Blake plans to trap the pirates in a pincer manoeuvre. The Sergeant departs, taking one group of men along the road to the church. Blake will take the other group up into the crypt using the secret passage. Eager for action, the Revenue man leads his party towards the cliff path and the beach.)


[Church crypt]


DOCTOR: Now, let me see. The Churchwarden set me a riddle which involved four names. Ringwood, Smallbeer, Gurney and Deadman, which should be on that wall, sir.

PIKE: Four names of Avery's crew in the old days.

DOCTOR: Ha! Yes, it's there. Just there.

PIKE: How come those names here? They died on the seven seas, all of them.

DOCTOR: The original names were changed by the Churchwarden.

PIKE: Aye. Like a marker, ay?

DOCTOR: Yes, that is correct. And unless I am very much mistaken, sir, this flagstone is at the intersection of those fateful names.

PIKE: Aye, and 'tis loose. Stand aside.

DOCTOR: Indeed, I think that is what you seek.

(Wedging his hook into the gap between the flagstones, Pike hauls up the slab, struggling for a moment before removing it to reveal a dark, square hole in the floor.)

PIKE: What's this? I see nothing.

DOCTOR: Well, how deep is it?

(Pike reaches down into the hole.)

PIKE: Still nothing, blast your eyes.

(Pike's hook delves deeper.)

PIKE: Nay, nay, what's this?

(It emerges trailing a string of pearls.)

PIKE: Ha! Ha! What now? Ha! What price your damned Avery now? What now, Squire?

(The sounds of shouting and gunfire come from outside.)

PIKE: What's that? If that is a trap, sawbones, I swear you'll lie beneath that slab yourself.

(Surrounding the churchyard, the militia have succeeded in catching the pirates totally by surprise. Befuddled by rum they are no match for the heavily armed soldiers.)

PIKE: Ahoy there. What's afoot! What in hell's name? Gaptooth, answer!


[Churchyard]


(The militia continue to press their advantage, picking off the drunken pirates one by one. Before long, the seafarers are forced to retreat into the church as the militia charge forward.)


[Cave]


(Limping out of the tunnel, Polly is delighted to see the Tardis, but before she can reach safety she is ambushed by David and the Spaniard. Twisting free, Polly scrambles back towards the tunnel, screaming.)


[Tunnel]


POLLY: Ben!

(The Spaniard catches Polly, grabbing her arm and throwing her to the ground. Hearing noises from the tunnel, David advances into the gloom, his knife drawn. Up ahead, Ben has heard Polly's screams. As David creeps past, Ben springs on him from behind. They struggle for a moment before David is knocked unconscious. Polly fights back, biting and scratching. Suddenly Ben appears, launching himself at the Spaniard and knocking him off his feet. Polly twists away, the pirate rises and turns on Ben, knife in hand.)


[Beach]


BLAKE: Come on.

(Blake urges the last of his men down the cliff path. They gather at the mouth of the cave.)

BLAKE: All right, come on. Now quietly.


[Tunnel]


(Weapons drawn, Blake and his men move past the Tardis into the cave. Up ahead, the Spaniard has got the better of Ben and stands over him, knife raised. There's a gunshot, and the Spaniard falls dead, shot in the back by Blake.)

POLLY: Mister Blake, thank heavens.

BLAKE: Now stand aside, boy. Our work lies above. Keep close and in command.

BEN: Hang on, Blake. I'm with you. Polly, go on back to the Tardis and wait for us there, okay?

POLLY: All right.


[Church crypt]


(The last of the pirates have been forced to retreat towards the crypt, where a mass of men now fight on the steps. Below the, Pike struggles to retrieve Avery's treasure from it's hiding place, shouting encouragement to his men.)

PIKE: Fight, ye black-hearted sons of traitors. There's gold for ye all if we can but board the Albatross.

(At the back of the crypt, the Doctor tries to locate the mechanism to open the secret passage. Unexpectedly, the tomb slides aside, revealing Blake and the rest of his men.)

BLAKE: Pray, stand aside, good old man. In the King's name!

(Blake leads his men to join the fighting. As Pike realises what is happening, he stands and brandishes his cutlass at the Doctor.)

PIKE: Sawbones, ye Neptune's curse! Ye've laid a trap and for that you'll die by the pike.

(The Captain lunges towards the Doctor, trying to shove his way through the fighting.)

BEN: Come on, Doctor, now let's get out of here.

DOCTOR: No, I must try and help the Squire.

(The Doctor edges around to where the Squire is propped up against a pillar, his clothes bloodied and his face very pale.)

DOCTOR: Oh, thank heavens you're still alive, sir. Let's try and get him out of here.

BLAKE: Captain Pike, surrender I say.

(The last of Pike's are being cut down around him.)

PIKE: And give over this treasure? Never!

(He darts over to where the Doctor is tending the Squire's wounds.)

PIKE: Sawbones, I'm coming for ye. See if your magic will help you now.

(With the last of his strength, the Squire struggles to his feet to help fend Pike off. The Captain looms over the Doctor.)

PIKE: Here's an end to ye, sawbones, damn your eyes.

(The hook flashes. Blake's bullet finds its target, thanks to the Squire who managed to grab Pike's arm before it delivered the killing blow. As Blake and the Squire watch Pike draw his last breaths, Ben and the Doctor manage to slip into the secret passage unnoticed. The pirate Captain falls heavily, his haul of Avery's treasure scattering around him. The route is dark and treacherous, but by now Ben knows the tunnel very well and helps the Doctor down towards the Tardis. Blake helps the Squire to his feet.)

BLAKE: Thank ye, Squire. The day is ours.

SQUIRE: Yes, quite so, quite so. I think we've managed very well, you and I.

BLAKE: But where's the old man? I would offer my gratitude to him.

(Looking around him, Blake realises that the Doctor and Ben must have left using the secret passage.)

BLAKE: Godspeed, old man.


[Cave]


POLLY: Thank heavens you're both safe. Doctor, are you all right?

DOCTOR: Oh, a little exhausted, my dear, otherwise I'm all right. Come along, let's get off.


[Tardis]


BEN: Here, I thought the Doctor nearly had it when old Pike got going.

POLLY: What happened? How did you all escape?

BEN: Well, Blake's mob beat them.

POLLY: So they're all dead then, the ones who wanted the treasure.

DOCTOR: Yes, superstition is a strange thing, my dear, but sometimes it tells the truth.

(The Tardis dematerialises.)

POLLY: Where will we go to now, Doctor. Will we go forward or back in time?

DOCTOR: I have no idea. I have no control over such matters.

BEN: Well, it better be 1966 or I'm in dead trouble, Doctor. Well, anyway, wherever it is, it can't be as bad as going back to them days.

DOCTOR: My dear boy, it could be a great deal worse.

POLLY: What's happened, Doctor. I'm freezing!

BEN: Yeah, it's getting right parky in here.

DOCTOR: Just look up at that scanner. We have arrived at the coldest place in the world!


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