The Celestial Toymaker
Original Airdate: 2 Apr, 1966
Transcriber's note - this story only exists in audio form for episodes 1 to 3, and contains a word no longer acceptable in the 21st century.
Episode One - The Celestial Toyroom
[Tardis]
STEVEN: We're landing now Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good. That means the gravitational bearing must have rectified itself.
(DODO enters.)
DODO: Hey, look at this!
(Dodo has raided the ship's wardrobe for a trendy new dress.
DODO: Ain't it fab?
STEVEN: Yes, very nice.
(The Doctor sneezes.)
STEVEN: Bless you.
DODO: Oh Doctor, don't say you're catching a cold now.
(But as the young friends turn towards the Doctor, he's nowhere to be seen.)
STEVEN: Doctor? Well, where are you?
DOCTOR: What do you mean, dear boy? I'm still here.
STEVEN: What?
DODO: Doctor, you've vanished!
DOCTOR: What? Oh, nonsense, child. Nonsense.
DODO: You have. Do you think this is something to do with the Refusians?
STEVEN: Well, it must be.
DOCTOR: You're wrong. This is something far more serious. We're in grave danger. This is some form of attack!
STEVEN: But we're still in the Tardis!
DOCTOR: That may be, my boy, but wherever it is, it has great power and can penetrate our safety barrier.
(The Tardis has materialised in the centre of an empty octagonal room.)
DOCTOR [OC]: Don't just stand there, dear boy, turn on the scanner.
DODO: But Doctor.
DOCTOR [OC]: Don't ask questions, child. There isn't time. Turn on the scanner.
STEVEN: It isn't working.
DOCTOR [OC]: Yes, it is. When it isn't working, the screen is not as clear as that. This is part of the same trick.
DODO: But what are we to do? Let's take off at once.
DOCTOR [OC]: That might be worse, my dear. Besides, I'm not only invisible, I'm intangible, which means that I can't pull the switches.
STEVEN: Well, I'll do it if you tell me what to do.
DOCTOR [OC]: No! Whatever it is, we shall have to face up to it. Open the doors.
STEVEN: But, Doctor!
DOCTOR [OC]: Open the doors!
(Reluctantly, Steven obeys.)
DODO: We should go.
STEVEN: We can't.
DODO: Hey, if the Doctor's intangible, why did he need to open the doors? He could have just walked through them.
STEVEN: Habit, I suppose. Come on, we should follow.
DODO: You won't get me out there.
(Steven steps outside.)
[Toymaker's office]
(In a striking office a man is dressed in the bejewelled robes of a Chinese Mandarin. His surroundings, a strange mixture of ultramodern and ornate, include a large desk incorporating a control panel and an elegant triangular gaming table. Everyone say Hi! to the wonderful Michael Gough.)
TOYMAKER: You'll serve my purpose admirably. You're very good at games. Clowns always are. You can show Steven and Dodo some of your tricks into the bargain.
(The man has selected a pair of toy clowns, one happy and one sad, from the nursery of a large Victorian dolls house. The happy one is a girl dressed in a harlequin costume. The sad one is a boy in a white baggy suit with ruffles and a cone-shaped clown hat. Now, before his eyes, the dolls begin to grow.)
[Toyroom]
DODO: If you want to go, then you go, but I'm sure that the Doctor would. Doctor!
DOCTOR: Hmm? What is it?
DODO: There you are!
STEVEN: We can see you! Everything's all right.
DOCTOR: Oh, you can see me?
STEVEN + DODO: Yes!
DOCTOR: Well, splendid. Splendid.
DODO: Oh, let's go now. It must have just been the Refusian influence after all.
STEVEN: What's this extraordinary place?
DOCTOR: Well, I'm not quite sure, dear boy, but it's, it's somewhat familiar.
DODO: It looks dead boring to me. Come on.
DOCTOR: No, wait, child, wait.
DODO: Why?
DOCTOR: Well, I don't think it was the Refusian's influence that made me become intangible. No, I think it was something here, and I don't like the feel of the place anymore than you do but we have to face up to it. You know, I think I was meant to come here.
STEVEN: Hey! Look! That's me!
DODO: What is?
STEVEN: Here, on this screen!
DODO: What screen?
STEVEN: Here! That's me on the planet Kemble.
(To Dodo the screen is blank.)
DODO: There's nothing there.
DOCTOR: But I believe I now know where we are.
STEVEN: It's changed again. There I am in Paris.
DOCTOR: Now turn around this instant! Turn away from it, dear boy! We're now in the world of The Celestial Toymaker, and that screen is hypnotic. He's trying to dominate your mind.
STEVEN: But, Doctor.
DOCTOR: There is nothing there. Do you understand me? There is nothing there at all. You must believe me.
STEVEN: What was it? What happened?
DODO: What's the matter, Doctor? I couldn't see anything on the screen.
DOCTOR: Come here, child. Now whatever you do, you must not allow yourself to be trapped into looking at it.
DODO: Who's the Celestial Toymaker?
DOCTOR: He's a power for evil. He manipulates people and makes them into his playthings. Whatever you do, neither of you must look at that screen. It's a trap.
(In place of the Tardis now stands the Mandarin.)
TOYMAKER: What a spoil-sport you are, Doctor. They like my memory window.
DOCTOR: You! I might have guessed.
TOYMAKER: Of course. I've been waiting for you a long time.
DODO: Where's the Tardis?
TOYMAKER: Don't worry, my dear. Just watch over there.
(As Dodo looks at the screen, an image appears of a young girl wearing a school beret.)
DODO: It's me the day my mother died!
DOCTOR: Turn away from it this instant!
STEVEN: Look away.
(Steven pulls Dodo to himself.)
TOYMAKER: What a shame. I thought my little invention would amuse you.
DOCTOR: You and your inventions, ha! Now, both of you, be very careful. This place is a hidden menace. Nothing is just for fun.
STEVEN: What's the idea of it?
DOCTOR: He's trying to get us into his power. That's why we've got to fight him.
DODO: Well can't we just go? I hate this place.
DOCTOR: My dear, but how? That is the question.
DODO: In the Tardis, of course, as always.
TOYMAKER: There are many of them. Take your choice.
(On screen, rows of Tardises are filing past as if on a conveyor belt.)
STEVEN: There are hundreds of them!
TOYMAKER: Yes, hundreds. Come, Doctor.
DOCTOR: No!
(Steven and Dodo turn round. The room is completely empty.)
STEVEN: Doctor!
DODO: Have you gone invisible again?
STEVEN: No, he's gone. That man has taken him away.
DODO: I don't like it. We should never have stayed.
STEVEN: It's too late now.
DODO: Who was that man?
STEVEN: I don't know. But we've got to find the Doctor.
(The only door in the room suddenly opens and two clowns enter the room on tiptoe.)
STEVEN: What on Earth?
DODO: Shhh! Shhh! Steven.
STEVEN: But why have I got to be quiet?
(Joey, the sad clown offers Steven his hand which comes away in Steven's own, as Clara, the happy clown pops a balloon with a hat pin. The newcomers mime convulsive laughter. Dodo giggles.)
STEVEN: Very funny. Don't see what you've got to laugh about.
DODO: If you could only see your face with that hand.
(Joey presents Dodo with a bouquet.)
DODO: For me? (honk) Oh thanks. No one's ever given me flowers before.
(As she leans in to smell them, a jet of water squirts in her face. It's Steven's turn to be amused.)
STEVEN: If you could just see your face.
DODO: I'm not sure that I like these clowns.
STEVEN: Look, can either of you talk? (honk) Well, how about you?
CLARA: (very high pitched) Yes, I can talk. How are you?
(Carmen Silvera long before 'Allo, Allo.)
STEVEN: I'm fine. But what do you want with us?
TOYMAKER: They're here to entertain you. Play a game with you.
STEVEN: Well, thank you very much. We've been entertained. We don't want to play your games. Now where have you taken the Doctor?
TOYMAKER: Taken the Doctor? Nowhere, my dear chap. The Doctor and I are going to play a little game together. You can watch the results on that board.
(He points to the screen.)
TOYMAKER: But you must win all your games before he does.
STEVEN: Look, we're not interested in your games. We want to go back to the Tardis.
TOYMAKER: That's impossible.
STEVEN: Impossible?
TOYMAKER: Well, not quite impossible, but you'll have to win a few games first. After each game, if you win, you will find a Tardis, which may or may not be the real one.
STEVEN: What do you mean, the real one?
TOYMAKER: As you have seen, I have many copies.
DODO: So we have to win a game before we can get to the Tardis.
TOYMAKER: Right. Several games, in fact.
STEVEN: And if we lose?
TOYMAKER: Then you both stay here as my guests.
DODO: We'd better play his silly games, Steven.
STEVEN: I don't see why we should humour him. He's obviously around the bend.
DODO: That's just it. If we don't do as he says, we may never get out of here.
TOYMAKER: Well?
STEVEN: All right, we'll play your little games. But if we win, we get the Tardis back, okay?
TOYMAKER: Agreed.
STEVEN: And if we lose?
TOYMAKER: You'll never see the Tardis again.
(The Toymaker vanishes.)
STEVEN: Wait!
DODO: You never asked him about the Doctor.
STEVEN: Oh, he's probably got his game to play. I'm glad we're not playing that one.
DODO: What are we playing?
CLARA: Blind Man's Buff!
[Toymaker's office]
(The Toymaker and the Doctor face each other across the triangular table.)
DOCTOR: You will kindly cease this practical joking, and let us go at once.
TOYMAKER: Patience, Doctor, patience. You've only just got here. Relax. It's so nice to see you again.
DOCTOR: And now you have, so let us go.
TOYMAKER: You're so innocent, Doctor. The last time you were here, I hoped you'd stay long enough for a game, but you had hardly time to turn around.
DOCTOR: And very wise I was, too. You and your games are quite notorious. You draw people here like a spider does to flies.
TOYMAKER: How absurd. It amuses me to give amusement.
DOCTOR: And should they lose the game they play, you condemn them to become your toy forever.
TOYMAKER: That is one of my rules, certainly. But if they win, they're perfectly free to go.
DOCTOR: And if I refuse?
TOYMAKER: Then you lose by default. Is that what you choose?
DOCTOR: No, I do not. I should never have left the Tardis.
TOYMAKER: You're so insatiably curious. That's why I ensured that the scanner would be blank. I knew that would bring you out.
DOCTOR: Another one of your conjuring tricks. What game is it you want me to play?
(The Toymaker indicates the table.)
TOYMAKER: This.
(Each of the three corners is inlaid with a letter, A B and C.)
DOCTOR: The trilogic game?
TOYMAKER: The trilogic game. A game for the mind, Doctor, the developed mind. Difficult for the practiced mind. Dangerous for the mind that has become old, lazy or weak.
DOCTOR: You infer that my mind is getting weak and old?
TOYMAKER: Well now, we shall see. Perhaps it is merely lazy.
DOCTOR: How dare you.
TOYMAKER: So you still think that you can pit your mind against mine?
DOCTOR: Of course I can.
TOYMAKER: Good. I hope that the time you have spent dabbling in your researches round the universe hasn't dulled you. I need you.
DOCTOR: You need me?
TOYMAKER: Yes. I'm bored. I love to play games, but there's no one to play against. The beings who call here have no minds and so they become my toys. But you will become my perpetual opponent. We shall play endless games together, your brain against mine.
DOCTOR: As you said, if I win the game, I can go.
TOYMAKER: So you can, Doctor, so you can. But I think you will lose. Can you remember how to play?
(Ten triangular playing counters stacked in a pyramid now appear on corner A, with number 1, the smallest, at the top.)
DOCTOR: I am only allowed to move one piece at a time.
TOYMAKER: That is right. And you must rearrange them in the same order that they are now on point C.
DOCTOR: And I am not permitted to put a larger piece on a small piece.
TOYMAKER: Correct. And you have 1,023 moves to do it in. That is the exact amount. If you make one mistake, you lose. And to help you count, there.
(He indicates a tally recorder.)
TOYMAKER: When the two rows of numbers match, the game is over.
(The top row reads 1023, the bottom 0.)
DOCTOR: I see. Can I begin?
TOYMAKER: Don't be so impatient, Doctor.
(He points to a monitor on the wall.)
TOYMAKER> There. We mustn't forget them.
DOCTOR: You are not asking them to play this game.
TOYMAKER: Good heavens, no. They are on the competitive quest.
DOCTOR: Competitive? And who are the others?
TOYMAKER: Two clown friends of mine. They are the home team. They will play against your friends and win the quest.
DOCTOR: Quest? What quest?
TOYMAKER: The hunt for the Tardis. Win the games, and you get it back.
[Toyroom]
(Thanks to the efforts of the two clowns, the floor of the toyroom now resembles a huge board game with a series of obstacles laid out between Start and Home.)
DODO: It's rather like a Snakes and Ladders set I used to have.
STEVEN: Looks crazy to me.
DODO: Oh, go on, have a go. It looks fun.
STEVEN: What, me on that? Not on your life.
DODO: But this is the game we have to play, right?
CLARA: This is your game.
STEVEN: Right, then you play it.
CLARA: Oh no! You must play it. It's all quite simple. You start here, blindfold.
STEVEN: You must be joking. Kids game.
DODO: Steven! Go on.
CLARA: You have to cross these obstacles without falling down. And if you get home without falling down, you win the game.
STEVEN: And what's old What's-His-Name there going to be doing all this time?
CLARA: His name is Joey. I'm Clara. He will play it too, of course.
STEVEN: And if he loses? No answer that time. And what happens if we both manage it?
CLARA: Then we play it again until someone loses.
STEVEN: Oh, it's a great future the Toymaker's got mapped out for us. All right, chum, you want to show me how it's done? (honk, bell, honk, bell) That means yes, I suppose. (honk)
(Clara ties a blindfold over Joey's eyes and guides him onto the start position. The first obstacle is a set of pinnacles over which Joey must swing on a rope.)
CLARA: You must come with me.
(She leads Steven and Dodo into a glass-fronted booth. Inside is a control panel.)
CLARA: This is where we control them. One buzz for right turn, two for left, three to stop, four to start.
(Buzz buzz buzz buzz. Joey feels for the rope, unties it and swings across the pinnacles, landing sure-footedly on the first of a series of stepping stones, the second obstacle. He steps confidently from one stone to the next.)
[Toymaker's office]
(Watching the monitor alone, the Doctor finds a communication switch.)
DOCTOR: Dodo? Steven? This is the Doctor. The game you're going to play is not so innocent as it looks. Be on your guard.
[Toyroom]
DOCTOR [OC]: If you lose this game, we shall be here forever. So watch out for
[Toymaker's office]
TOYMAKER: That was unwise of you, Doctor.
(The Toymaker's flicked the switch.)
DOCTOR: I must warn them.
TOYMAKER: Attend to your own game. Go from move 152.
(Seemingly of their own volition, the counters and tally move as the Toymaker has commanded.)
TOYMAKER: Keep playing, Doctor. And to stop you interfering, I shall have to dematerialise you again. There.
(Once again, the Doctor is intangible.)
DOCTOR [OC]: You are overreaching yourself, Toymaker. How can I play this game?
TOYMAKER: Let's see. Suppose we leave you one hand, there. I suggest you resume the game.
(The Doctor's disembodied hand hovers over the table. With great dignity he takes counter 1 from B and places it on C, then moves counter 2 from B to A.)
TOYMAKER: I thought you'd see it my way, Doctor.
[Toyroom]
(Joey has completed the third and fourth obstacles, and reaches Home.)
CLARA: We won! We won!
STEVEN: Just a minute. I haven't had a go yet.
DODO: But the Doctor warned us.
STEVEN: It's all right, I can manage it. Rope, five stones, steps, plank, tube. Now I can do it if you can guide me. After all, he can do it. And you remember the directions?
DODO: Right, one buzz. Left, two buzzes. Four to start and three to stop.
(Leaving Dodo in the booth, Steven positions himself at the start of the course. Clara ties on his blindfold.)
CLARA: Can you see?
STEVEN: Not a thing. Right, I'm ready.
(Clara joins Dodo whilst Joey hovers nonchalantly around the course.)
CLARA: Ready now.
(Buzz buzz buzz buzz. As Steven prepares to rope swing across to the stepping stones, Joey nudges the first stone out of position.)
DODO: Look what he's doing! Cheat! You cheat! Steven, look out!
CLARA: He can't hear you! The door's self-locking!
(Buzz buzz buzz.)
STEVEN: Dodo, be careful. You nearly made me fall that time.
(Steven swings across but his feet find nothing on the other side.)
STEVEN: What have you done now, you clown, you?
(Honk, buzz)
STEVEN: One right. One right?
(He swings again, this time landing safely.)
STEVEN: Phew, that was close. (honk) Yes, you'll honk when I get this blindfold off. Now he's moved another. He moved the first to the right, he's moved the second to the left.
(Buzz buzz buzz.)
STEVEN: No, what now? (buzz) To the right? (honk) You wait!
(With Joey continuing to disrupt the course, Steven is forced to listen carefully to Dodo's signals as he gingerly negotiates the other stones. Buzz buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Eventually Steven steps off the final stone onto a stepladder and sits down to mop his brow.)
DODO: I don't see how he has a chance of winning if you cheat all the time.
CLARA: Cheat? Oh no. It's just a few variations. It makes it more fun.
(For the next stage, Steven must cross a plank mounted between two sets of steps. As he's edging along, Joey tries to distract him.)
STEVEN: What was that? (honk) You again. I warn you! (honk) Games with clowns.
(He reaches the end and begins to climb down. The final obstacle is a large flexible tube which he must pass through in order to reach home. Buzz buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.) DODO: He's far too big to squeeze through that tube.
CLARA: Joey did.
DODO: But suppose he gets stuck half way, what then?
(Once Steven has entered the tube, Joey drags the other end round to form a U shape.)
DODO: Look what he's done! It's not fair!
CLARA: He goes back to the start!
DODO: And you think that's fair? Let me out of here! Open the door!
CLARA: I can't!
DODO: Oh, you're just like a doll! A rag doll! I don't think this funny at all.
(Emerging from the end of the tube, Steven feels for the table marking Home. Instead, he finds the steps again.)
STEVEN: Oh, no!
(He tears off the blindfold.)
STEVEN: Look, I warned you!
CLARA: We won! We won!
DODO: You cheated. Steven completed the course.
CLARA: We won! Now you'll never find the Tardis!
STEVEN: Look, it's a draw. Now let's do it again, this time with him in the booth!
CLARA: The winner!
DODO: Steven, look at this! You can see right through it. It's not a real blindfold at all!
(The two clowns look crestfallen.)
STEVEN: No wonder you were able to run round the course so easily. And now we'll try it again, only this time with a real blindfold. Not so fast! Here, put that on him. You'd better go in the booth to guide him.
(Clara obeys whilst Dodo ties the genuine blindfold round Joey's head. The room has grown darker and the clowns are suddenly sombre.)
STEVEN: Right. Now we'll play The Toymaker's little game fairly. Go on, Dodo, start him off.
(Buzz buzz buzz buzz. Joey begins the course once again, guided by Clara's signals.)
DODO: Steven, I'm frightened. Have you noticed he's not funny anymore?
(Buzz buzz. Buzz. Buzz. The clown teeters precariously on the plank.)
DODO: Steven, you'd better stop him. He'll fall.
STEVEN: We can't stop him. It's him or us. Go on. You can't stop now!
(As Joey continues, his movements grow still and slow, until finally he topples over. In the booth, Clara is slumped lifeless over the controls. Suddenly all the lights go off, there's a loud thunderclap, and there illuminated at the far end of the room is the Tardis.)
STEVEN: Come on.
DODO: It can't be empty!
STEVEN: It is.
(There's only a blank cupboard behind the doors.)
STEVEN: Look.
DODO: What's that?
(It's a piece of paper. Dodo reads.)
DODO: Four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back. Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice. What does it mean?
STEVEN: A riddle. Look, here's a way out.
DODO: Perhaps this is to tell us where the Tardis is.
STEVEN: Or perhaps it's just another game. Anyway, we've got to find out.
(An exit has opened up at the back of the cupboard. Before following Steven through, Dodo glances back at the clowns. Twisted wooden dolls return to their proper size. With a shudder, she runs from the room.)
Episode Two - The Hall of Dolls
[Cupboard]
(Steven and Dodo face yet another panelled door, this one heavily bolted and with a sign saying 'Pull to open.' One panel shows a numeric display.)
DODO: This is the next game?
STEVEN: No. We'll find the next game behind this door.
DODO: How can you be sure?
STEVEN: Look.
DODO: The Doctor's move recorder for his game.
STEVEN: Yes, I know. This door's here to delay us. I think we're meant to try to get it open. The Toymaker's hoping that we'll waste time.
(They undo all of the locks.)
STEVEN: That should do it. It won't open.
DODO: But it must. What's wrong with it? I know, let's pull instead.
(They do so, and the door flies open, offering them a view of the first Chair Room.)
[Toymaker's study]
(The Doctor's hand makes his 417th move.)
DOCTOR: I haven't made a mistake yet.
TOYMAKER: Let's hope not, Doctor. I would hate you to end up in my dolls' house. I reserve that fate for your two friends.
DOCTOR: They'll win, too.
TOYMAKER: No, they will lose one game, and then, like the clowns, they'll become my toys, and we shall be able to amuse ourselves through all eternity.
DOCTOR: What do you mean?
TOYMAKER: You remember the agreement? They must find your Tardis before you finish your game. If they don't, then you will have to stay here and you'll be in my power forever. Look, they've already reached their next test.
DOCTOR: That game? I might have known.
(The hand presses a communicator.)
DOCTOR: Steven! Dodo! Take care. It's chair number
TOYMAKER: You fool! Now I have been forced to make you dumb as well as intangible. You cannot speak until you have reached the second to last move of the trilogic game. Now then, let them play their games whilst you play yours. Go from move 444. And no more clever tricks, if you please.
(As the counters move themselves into new positions, the Toymaker spreads a pack of playing cards on his desk.)
TOYMAKER: Your friends managed to outwit my clowns. I shall have to find more worthy opponents for them. There. I think perhaps the Heart family. They have great experience in a great variety of games.
[First Chair room]
STEVEN: The Doctor was trying to warn us.
TOYMAKER: I'm seriously annoyed with your friend. Once again, he tried to talk to you, so I've had to deprive him of his voice. Let it be a warning to you. Play the games according to the rules I set, or give up now.
STEVEN: The rules you set? Your own players break them. They cheat!
DODO: How can we believe anything you say? Everything here is so strange.
STEVEN: We can't even be certain that that was the Doctor's voice we heard at all. It could have been you leading us toward another trap.
TOYMAKER: I'm glad to see you're at last treating me with respect.
DODO: Only as long as you have the Doctor. After that, we'll see
STEVEN: Forget it, Dodo, he's gone.
(The room contains three elaborate numbered thrones.)
STEVEN: What odd looking chairs. Perhaps these are what the Doctor was trying to warn us about.
QUEEN: Is this the room? Is this the room, I said.
(Carmen Silvera in another role.)
KING: Oh, er I think so, my dear.
(Joey the clown reborn)
QUEEN: And I suppose these are the people we have to play against.
KING: Hmm? Oh! Oh! Peasants, my dear.
QUEEN: Peasants!
STEVEN: Just a minute. Who do you think you're calling a peasant?
DODO: Steven, don't you see who they are?
STEVEN: Well, yes, they do look familiar.
DODO: They're playing cards. We shall play our next game with a couple of playing cards.
STEVEN: The Toymaker's warped sense of humour, I suppose.
QUEEN: None of these look in the least like your throne.
KING: Hmmm? No, no, no, they don't, do we my dear. Although the Toymaker did say we'd find them in here, didn't he?
STEVEN: What was that riddle again?
DODO: Er, four legs, no feet, of arms no lack, it carries no burden on its back.
STEVEN: That must be these chairs.
DODO: But what about the rest of it? Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice.
STEVEN: Hmmm. Well that can't be the chairs. There are only three of them.
QUEEN: You're not paying the least attention again. I warned you, if we don't find that throne, he'll keep us here. We shall remain playing cards for the rest of eternity.
KING: Ah! Very good point, my dear. Yes, yes, we must find the throne.
DODO: What do you make of them? They seem almost like real people.
STEVEN: Oh, ignore them. They're sent here to distract us. Let's take a look through here.
QUEEN: Where's that Knave? Cyril! Cyril! Tormenting the Joker again I'll be bound.
(The Knave of Hearts, Cyril, enters with the Joker.
JOKER: Did you have to give him that sword?
QUEEN: Quiet, Fool. Cyril, what are you doing?
CYRIL: Nothing. Just playing with the Fool. I'm hungry.
(This ought to be Gerald Campion aka Billy Bunter, but it's not. Looks and sounds very similar though. Younger readers, think Christopher Biggins. If you must.)
KING: Ho, ho! The boy's always hungry.
JOKER: He's a pig.
QUEEN: What did you say?
JOKER: I said, give him a fig. I thought there was a throne to find.
QUEEN: So there is. Where have those peasants gone?
KING: Hmm? Oh, through that door, my dear.
QUEEN: Why didn't you tell me?
KING: Well, you never asked, me dear.
QUEEN: We must follow them at once.
KING: Oh.
QUEEN: Fool, you stay here and look after these chairs.
KING: Oh, but, now that the Fool is here, don't you think we could have a joke or two?
QUEEN: No! Come on.
KING: Oh, well, then, a riddle then? Or a merry quip?
QUEEN: Are you coming?
KING: Oh, yes, my dear.
[Second Chair room]
(Steven and Dodo have slipped away down a side passage. They find themselves in a second chair room containing four more chairs numbered from four to seven. Set into the walls are four familiar looking cupboards.)
STEVEN: Dodo! Four in here, three in there. It must be the chairs. What is it? Six deadly sisters, seven for choice. I suppose that means six of them are dangerous.
DODO: And only one is the right one.
STEVEN: We'll have to find out which one by elimination. But how? And how dangerous are they?
DODO: No, Steven, don't.
STEVEN: Why? What's wrong?
DODO: Don't risk it. None of the Toymakers' toys are just jokes. Six of these chairs will destroy us.
STEVEN: It's a charming thought, but you're probably right. But Dodo, have you noticed all these cupboards? They're all exactly the same shape as the Tardis.
DODO: Yes, but they could be as dangerous as the chairs.
STEVEN: No, I don't think so. There are only four, and there weren't any in the other room.
(He opens the first cupboard. Dodo screams.)
STEVEN: It's all right, they're only dolls.
DODO: I've got it. We'll use the dolls to sit in the chairs. If we've got enough that is. That's four here, and these three make up the seven.
STEVEN: Don't touch them!
DODO: Why? What's wrong?
STEVEN: Well, they may be dangerous, too.
DODO: But the riddle said six deadly sisters, and some of these are men dolls.
STEVEN: What was the last line again?
DODO: Erm, call the servants without voice. But you can't call someone without speaking.
STEVEN: But they haven't got voices. We have. Dolls, come out! Look, they must be the servants. Maybe it's some poetic term, the call bit.
(When none of the mannequins stir, Steven pulls four of them out onto the floor.)
STEVEN: Nothing's happened yet. Well, if we can get them all out before the king and queen get here, we can test the chairs.
DODO: Wait. With seven dolls in three cupboards, what's the other one for?
STEVEN: Perhaps that might be the real Tardis.
(Whilst they're examining the cupboard the other door slides shut, leaving three dolls still inside.)
DODO: It won't open.
STEVEN: Of course, the Doctor's got the key. Come on, look!
(He points to a game tally.)
STEVEN: The Doctor's more than half way through his game already. We've got to find out what we've got to do here first, quick, before the others arrive.
QUEEN: Ah, the peasants again. Caught you in the act. What are you up to?
KING: Oh, they seem to be playing with dolls, my dear.
QUEEN: I can see that. The point is, what are they doing with them?
DODO: They seem very real. We're going to use the dolls to test the chairs.
QUEEN: To test them?
DODO: Yes. Six of them are dangerous and only one is safe. You know, I feel very foolish talking to a playing card.
QUEEN: A playing card?
DODO: Well, aren't you?
STEVEN: Dodo, it's useless talking to them. They're just products of the Toymaker's imagination.
QUEEN: We're as real as you are. Henry.
KING: Oh, er, yes, my dear?
QUEEN: Come here.
KING: Yes, my dear.
QUEEN: Let this wretched child feel your arm.
KING: Feel my arm?
QUEEN: There, child. Isn't that an arm? Not much of one, I grant you, but nevertheless, a real arm.
DODO: It is, Steven, these are real people. Feel his arm.
STEVEN: No, I'll take your word for it. Look, if you're real people, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing those ridiculous clothes?
KING: Ah yes, well, it would take a little too long to explain, my boy. The fact is that we are victims of the Toymaker, the same as you are. For instance, if I were to sit in this chair.
QUEEN: Henry, no! We don't know.
KING: Oh! Oh, no, no, no, we don't, do we?
QUEEN: We must use the dolls. We'll each choose a doll in turn, and then we'll take it in turn to test the chairs, that way we'll find the answer even quicker.
DODO: We found the dolls. They're ours. And we're supposed to be playing against you.
QUEEN: But that doesn't seem right. There are four dolls and four of us. We must be meant to have one each. That's only fair.
KING: And then we can test the dolls sitting in the chair before doing so ourselves?
DODO: What do you mean, one each? What about
STEVEN: It's all right, Dodo.
DODO: Yes, but what about
STEVEN: It'll be all right. Now never mind and keep quiet. All right, go ahead. Choose your dolls.
DODO: But I don't understand. What about the others?
KING: Oh, no no no, don't fuss yourself, m'dear. The point of the game is to see who picks the chair which isn't dangerous, and whoever does that is the winner. If it's you, you'll get your Tardis back, and if it is us, we get our liberty.
STEVEN: Now, he's right Dodo. Now go on, choose your doll, and keep quiet. We'll try our luck in the other room.
DODO: Oh, very well.
KING: Oh, are you going, m'dear?
STEVEN: We'll see you later.
QUEEN: I thought we were all supposed to play this game together?
STEVEN: Well as there are seven chairs, I thought that Dodo and I might try our luck in the other room. That way we'll all have an equal chance.
KING: Ah, yes, yes, yes, certainly my boy, yes, anything you like. Yes, well, good luck.
STEVEN: Come on, Dodo.
DODO: All right, I'm just coming. They're so big.
(Armed with a doll each, Steven and Dodo take their leave.)
KING: Charming couple, aren't they?
QUEEN: It isn't very charming to be told you're not real. We were not amused. Well, which chair do you suggest?
KING: Yes, well, none of them look like the throne, do they m'dear?
QUEEN: Well, then you must pick one at random.
KING: Ah, yes of course, random, yes, yes. Ah, now.
(The King closes his eyes and is about to sit in chair seven.)
KING: Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a n*gger by the toe. Ah!
QUEEN: No, Henry! Put the doll in it.
KING: Oh, the doll, yes, quite right, yes, my dear, of course, the doll. Ah, here we are then. Now then, we'll take the doll and then. Oof. I say, it's rather heavy, my dear. Nearly as heavy as I am, I've no doubt that this will be perfectly good test for the
(A metal clamp secures the doll and it begins to vibrate furiously.)
QUEEN: Henry!
[First Chair room]
(The Joker and Cyril are asleep in the first room.)
STEVEN: Oh, no. Not more playing cards.
DODO: They look rather sweet, don't they? A Jack and a Joker.
STEVEN: Leave them alone and concentrate. You nearly gave the game away in the other room. They think that there are only four dolls. Now if everyone chooses the wrong chair with those dolls, we're going to need the extra ones to find the right chair.
DODO: Is that fair? They seem quite nice and friendly.
STEVEN: Can't you understand? We've got to win every game, otherwise we'll never see the Tardis again. This isn't a children's party.
DODO: Well, I'm sure if you explained that then the King and Queen would help us.
STEVEN: Oh, Dodo, they belong to the Toymaker, remember that. He wants to keep us here. At any rate, the Doctor.
DODO: Why?
STEVEN: I don't know, and it doesn't matter. But we've got to find the Tardis before the Doctor finishes the game he's playing. Right. Throw your doll into a chair.
DODO: Throw it?
STEVEN: Yes. Six of these chairs are deadly, remember that. I don't want to see either of us caught out by one of those. Now throw it.
DODO: Very well.
(As the doll makes contact with chair number three, there's a blinding flash.)
DODO: What happened?
STEVEN: It was some sort of electrocution! That could've been us.
DODO: Yes. I see what you mean about this not being a children's party.
CYRIL: A party? Is it tea time, already? Mmmm, I smell crumpets toasting. What's that?
DODO: Oh, don't be scared of us.
(Seeing the burnt doll, the awakened Cyril takes flight down the passageway.)
STEVEN: All right, stand by. I'm going to try chair number one.
(STEVEN throws his doll onto the chair. As it hits, a fearsome blade shoots across the back of the chair, cutting the toy in two. Part of it topples to one side and falls to the floor.)
DODO: It's horrible! The Toymaker must be mad! Do you really think he means to kill us?
STEVEN: What do you think?
DODO: Well, what do we do now?
STEVEN: Well, we've got to get the other dolls. We've got to get out of this place.
DODO: We can't go in there!
STEVEN: Why?
DODO: Or they'll know about the three extra dolls then.
[Second Chair room]
(The King's doll is being shaken to pieces.)
QUEEN: Henry, turn the thing off.
KING: I don't think I can get near enough, my dear.
CYRIL: I wish you'd stop this silly game!
KING: Father's a very nice chair here for you, my boy.
CYRIL: Mother! Did you hear what he said?
QUEEN: Henry!
KING: Well, just a harmless little joke, my dear. Yes, well, I suppose we'd better try the doll in it, don't you think? Now then, upsa dazy. We shall try the doll in this chair now.
(He throws the remaining doll onto the chair number four. Both it and the chair slowly fade away.)
KING: Oh dear! It's, it's disappeared!
QUEEN: I can see that! Well, that leaves us with chairs number five and six. What do you propose we do now?
KING: Well, I suppose we'd better see how that young couple are getting on in their room.
QUEEN: Well, they can't have succeeded. We'd have had a visit from the Toymaker if they had.
KING: Ah, yes, yes. Oh, we need two more dolls. Ah, yes, a pity. I know, the Fool!
QUEEN: Oh really, Henry. How you can think of entertainment at a time like this? Oh yes, of course. I see. The Fool!
KING: Precisely, my dear.
(The King offers his arm to the Queen, and they leave the room. Left alone, Cyril glances fearfully at the chairs before scuttling after the other cards.)
CYRIL: Mother! Mother!
[First Chair room]
DODO: Be careful.
STEVEN: No, it's no use. I can't tell a thing just by looking at it. We'll have to get those other dolls.
DODO: The King and Queen are coming.
STEVEN: Good, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll try to distract them. You step into the other room and test the chairs. If they're both deadly, then this must be the right one.
KING: Ahh! Still one chair left to try, I see.
QUEEN: Why don't you try it, girl?
DODO: Why don't you?
STEVEN: Haven't you had any luck either? And no more dolls. Well it looks like stalemate, doesn't it?
KING: Ah! Not quite, my boy. Oh no, I still have one card to play, if you'll excuse the expression.
(He nudges the Joker awake with his foot.)
JOKER: Oh, what goes up the chimney down, and can't come down the chimney up?
KING: Down the chimney. Oh no, no, no, my dear fellow, no, no not work. We want your advice, don't we my dear?
QUEEN: Advice? From a Fool?
KING: We still have to pick a throne, my dear. Ah, now then, my dear fellow, for instance, what do you think of this chair?
STEVEN: No, you don't. Not this one.
DODO: Steven, the cupboard with the other three dolls. It's locked. I can't open it.
STEVEN: But you must. It was open before.
QUEEN: Three more dolls?
KING: And you kept them from us?
QUEEN: Cheats!
KING: Oh, dear, dear.
STEVEN: Oh, you can talk after what you were about to do to this poor fellow.
JOKER: Poor fellow? What's that?
KING: Oh, nothing, my dear chap. Now, er, come with us. We can't leave you in such company.
QUEEN: Certainly not.
KING: Come on, my dear fellow.
QUEEN: Come, Cyril!
(The four playing cards proceed to the second chair room.)
STEVEN: Now you've done it. You've handed them the game right on a platter. If this isn't the real chair, we've lost the game.
DODO: I don't see that.
STEVEN: Look, they've got two more chairs to test. They get the Joker to sit on one. If this isn't the right chair, then the other one must be.
(Steven turns away in disgust. Dodo looks at him sadly, then moves over to chair number two and starts to sit down.)
[Toymaker's office]
TOYMAKER: You've been moving along very satisfactorily. It's especially commendable considering that young Dodo has chosen to sit in the wrong chair. The freezing chair.
[First Chair room]
STEVEN: Dodo, you fool!
DODO: Steven, I feel cold all the way through.
STEVEN: Stand up.
DODO: Help me. I'm freezing. I can't move.
STEVEN: Stand up.
DODO: I can't!
STEVEN: Look, try. You must. You must try.
DODO: I think I'm turning to ice, Steven.
STEVEN: Fight the cold. Fight it, Dodo. You've got to get out of that chair. Now fight it!
DODO: It's no use.
STEVEN: Look, you must try. We've got to concentrate together.
DODO: We can't.
STEVEN: We must. Now!
(She grasps his outstretched hand, and he too begins to freeze. Yet with great effort he manages to pull Dodo away.)
DODO: Oh, thank you. You did it.
STEVEN: Oh, we did it together.
DODO: Oh no, I couldn't do a thing. I couldn't move.
STEVEN: Thank goodness you're safe. The Doctor would never have forgiven me if anything had happened to you.
DODO: But, Steven, we've lost.
[Second Chair room]
KING: Well, there's a much better choice in here. Now give us your honest opinion. Which is the better chair?
JOKER: Well, sire, I think, er, perhaps that one.
KING: Number six? Good, good. Well, it is not possible really to test a chair by just looking at it. QUEEN: Well, come on, Fool. We haven't got all day.
JOKER: Oh, poor fellow. Poor fellow.
(The Joker stops and turns to look at the giggling Knave.)
JOKER: What's he laughing at?
QUEEN: He wasn't laughing, were you?
JOKER: And they call me a fool.
KING: Well, look, sit down, my dear fellow.
JOKER: Oh, not on your life, sire. A joke's a joke. I'm giving notice. You can try out your chairs for yourself.
(The Joker leaves hurriedly. The King moves threateningly towards Cyril, who takes flight after the Joker.)
KING: Huh, Your son, I think, my dear.
QUEEN: Well, what do you propose we do now?
KING: Well, there's nothing else for it. You'll have to try out the chair.
QUEEN: I?
KING: Well, one of us will have to. I know, we'll draw matches.
QUEEN: No, I don't trust your matches. We will toss for it. Heads! Ah!
KING: You forget, my dear. I know that coin. It's got two heads.
QUEEN: Then.
KING: We will both sit in it.
QUEEN: And if we go, we go together.
KING: My love.
(Hand in hand, they walk across to chair number six and sit down.)
KING: Nothing happened.
QUEEN: It's all right.
KING: We worried for nothing.
(Suddenly the chair collapses inwards. Steven and Dodo return to find the Hearts imprisoned.)
DODO: Oh, the poor things. We must help them.
STEVEN: No, not now.
DODO: You mean?
STEVEN: That must be the one.
(He sits on chair number five. There's a thunderclap.)
DODO: We've won! There's the Tardis! As soon as the Doctor wins his game, we can go! We're safe! Oh, no, it can't be. It's got to be the real one. Look! It's happened again.
STEVEN: It's another of those that the Toymaker's made. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, what now?
DODO: You know, we never really solved that last riddle. Call the servants without voice.
STEVEN: No. Let's try again. You never know. Dolls, dolls, wherever you are, come out!
(The telephone in the police box rings. Steven answers it.)
TOYMAKER [OC]: You're doing better than I thought, but don't rest on your laurels. The Doctor is succeeding even faster than you. Time and luck are running out. Here is the next clue. Hunt the key to fit the door that leads out on the dancing floor, then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet.
STEVEN: But.
DODO: He's gone.
(Dodo looks around. All that remains of their opponents is two playing cards.)
DODO: Steven, look.
STEVEN: I said that's all they were. Never mind that now. The next game. Come.
(They dive into the darkened passage which has appeared beyond the fake Tardis. As they go, Dodo calls out.)
DODO: Dolls, dolls, wherever you are, come out!
(All four cupboard doors suddenly slide open, and the three remaining dolls follow jerkily through the waiting police box door.)
Episode Three - The Dancing Floor
[Toymaker's office]
TOYMAKER: I congratulate you, Doctor, on your choice of friends. A very astute couple. Neither of my teams have been able to beat them yet. I think they have earned a little amusement. Now, what have we here to amuse them?
(The Toymaker selects two figures from the dolls house kitchen.)
TOYMAKER: Ah. Sergeant Rugg and Mrs Wiggs. These then are who Steven will find behind the door.
[Corridor].
(Steven and Dodo are indeed up against a solid door.)
STEVEN: Useless. No sign of a door handle, latch, or lock. We're stuck here.
DODO: Steven, the servants, they're following us!
STEVEN: Huh?
DODO: The servants without voice, they've come! They scare me.
STEVEN: They're only dolls.
DODO: We called them. Perhaps we can make them go back to their cupboard. Dolls, go back. Go back to your cupboard!
STEVEN: I'll stop them.
DODO: Steven, be careful. You don't know what they might do. After all, we helped destroy the other four dolls.
STEVEN: Perhaps we can edge past them.
(The three dolls spread out across the tunnel.)
DODO: We can't get past them now.
STEVEN: At least they've stopped. I'm going to try. You follow me.
DODO: Look!
(The heavy door has swung open. With the dolls now stock still, Dodo and Steven edge into the next room. )
[Kitchen]
(They find themselves in a large, old-fashioned kitchen occupied by a ruddy-faced policeman and a familiar looking household cook.)
STEVEN: Be careful, Dodo, it might be a trap.
RUGG: A trap? In here? In Mrs Wiggs' kitchen? Hey, you want to watch your language young fellow, me lad.
WIGGS: Here, what do you want in my kitchen?
(Guess who, again.)
DODO: We're looking for the next game. Perhaps you could help us. The clue goes, Hunt the key to fit the door that leads out on the dancing floor. Then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet.
WIGGS: The only dancing floor what I know of is through there.
DODO: Thank you.
(She's pointing to an old oak door with a large lock and keyhole.)
RUGG: All right, young fellow me lad, no loitering! Pick your feet up then! Hup two three four, hup two three four.
STEVEN: Why don't you go back in your box?
RUGG: What's that? Why, you young whipper snapper, I'll er
STEVEN: You'll what?
RUGG: Well, I'll er, well you need a good hiding, me lad.
STEVEN: And who's going to give it to me?
WIGGS: And no fisticuffs in my nice clean kitchen, Sergeant, if you please.
RUGG: Oh ho, it's a good thing you spoke just then, Cook. No tellin' what I mighten' a done to him if you hadn't stopped me.
WIGGS: Oh, you're a terrible man when you're riled, Sergeant.
RUGG: Well, army trainin', Cook. Six years with the Iron Duke.
DODO: We've got to get in there. That's what the clue says. The Tardis must be on the dance floor.
STEVEN: How the Toymaker expects us to play his crazy games when he locks all the doors, I don't know.
RUGG: I'd like to have 'im in my mob. Just give me a month. I'll make a man of him.
STEVEN: What was that?
RUGG: Er, well, er, not that he needs makin' a man of, but, er, sharpen him up a bit like.
STEVEN: Look, I warn you.
DODO: Honestly, Steven. If they're not real, how can you lose your temper with them? You can't have it both ways, you know.
STEVEN: Oh, all right. I'll ignore them. They're just sent here to get my goat. But where do we go from here? We're stuck.
RUGG: Ha, ha, the Iron Duke wouldn't have been stuck over a little thing like that.
STEVEN: All right, I'm ignoring him.
DODO: What would the Iron Duke have done?
RUGG: Well, 'e'd have had another look at the riddle, I expect.
DODO: The riddle? Then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet.
WIGGS: No, not that bit, duck. The first bit.
DODO: Hunt the key to fit the door, that. Steven, that's it.
STEVEN: Then the game is -
RUGG: Hunt The Thimble!
DODO: Only it's a key. And a rather large one at that.
STEVEN: The only problem is, where do we start looking?
[Toymaker's office]
(The trilogic tally reads 734.)
TOYMAKER: You've stopped playing, Doctor. You know that isn't allowed. Go from move 770!
(Once again, the game rearranges itself.)
TOYMAKER: Now play on.
(The Doctor's body-less hand takes it's own turn.)
TOYMAKER: You're still not playing fast enough. Go from move 813! Your friends have reached their third game. Hunt the Key!
[Kitchen]
(Cyril is asleep on a chair beside the range.)
DODO: Steven, haven't we seen him before?
STEVEN: I don't know.
DODO: Wasn't he the Jack of Hearts?
STEVEN: Possibly, but does it matter? I mean all the Toymaker's creations look alike to me. We have to find the Tardis before the Doctor reaches move 1,023, so we haven't got long to find that key. It's hot!
WIGGS: So what'd you expect? You come away from me pots and pans.
DODO: Look, we've got to find the key to that door.
WIGGS: Well, he won't find it there.
DODO: How do you know?
RUGG: Because Mrs. Wiggs always knows what's best, that's why.
(Steven picks Cyril up off the chair - this is no mean feat - and checks underneath him for the key. Dodo meanwhile sidles over to Sergeant Rugg.)
DODO: You'll help us find the key, won't you?
RUGG: Er, ahem, well, er, I don' know, em
DODO: You look so marvellous in that uniform. You must be very brave.
RUGG: Well, er, I try to do my duty, girl.
DODO: Then you'll help us, for my sake.
RUGG: Well, er, alright, but for you, mind, not for him.
DODO: Where do you suggest we start looking?
RUGG: Ah, well, er, let's see now, er, what about this old dresser here, hey?
WIGGS: Here! You watch what you're doing with my dresser.
(Whilst they rummage through drawers, Steven examines the cuckoo clock.)
WIGGS: What do you think this is? A bloomin' fair ground? Oh! Here, you put them things back in the drawer.
RUGG: It's all right, Mrs Wiggs. I'm just helping the young lady. Here, er, what's your name, me girl?
DODO: Dodo.
RUGG: Dodo. Oh, what a lovely name, Dodo. Oh, I like that.
WIGGS: Well, you go and like it somewhere else, and take your friend with you.
RUGG: Oh, come, Mrs Wiggs. The girl's been and gorn and lost her key.
WIGGS: Well, she won't find it here.
STEVEN: Take no notice of them, Dodo. They've been sent here by the Toymaker to put us off. This time we're getting warm.
(Mrs Wiggs returns to her pastry board unaware that Steven is searching under the table.)
WIGGS: Ahhh! That's me foot! You come out from under there!
STEVEN: It isn't under the table.
WIGGS: When you've quite finished.
STEVEN: Dodo, take a look behind that thing. I'll take a look over here.
(Dodo climbs onto a chair in order to search behind the top of the dresser.)
RUGG: 'Ere, now, wait a minute, girl. You don't want to get up there. You'll fall and break your leg. Eh, let me look for you.
DODO: That's very kind of you.
RUGG: Oh, not at all, ma'am. Happy to be of - oop - service.
WIGGS: Sergeant Rugg! What do you think you're doing of up there?
RUGG: Now don't you worry, Mrs Wiggs. I'll be all right.
WIGGS: I'm not worried about. It's my best china! (smash) Oooh! Oh! Me best plate!
RUGG: A little accident, Mrs Wiggs.
WIGGS: Accident? That was no accident! You dropped that plate deliberate like!
RUGG: I hope you're not calling me a liar, Mrs Wiggs - oop!
WIGGS: Oh! Another accident, I suppose!
DODO: Oh! Oh, perhaps you'd better come down, Sergeant.
RUGG: Oh don't you worry, miss. It's perfectly all right.
(More crashing sounds.)
WIGGS: Oh! Sergeant Rugg! You come down here this instant!
RUGG: Soldiers don't take orders from civilians, Cook. Now you just pipe down!
WIGGS: Pipe down? You great oaf. You couldn't fight a pussycat!
RUGG: You didn't ought to have of said that, Cook.
(More smashing sounds. The ensuing orgy of destruction wakes Cyril, who takes refuge under the table.)
WIGGS: Oh! Oh! Oh Sergeant Rugg! Just you wait till I make you sorry for that. If you think I'm going to stand for you throwing my best china about you're very much mistaken! Take that!
DODO: Oh, please, please stop. This is all my fault.
(The argument carries on in the background.)
STEVEN: Dodo, ignore them! This is all being done to prevent us from finding the key. They don't really exist, remember? It's not real.
WIGGS: What did he say?
DODO: Are you sure about that?
STEVEN: Oh, come on. We've got to find that key. That is supposing there is one. We've looked everywhere, haven't we?
DODO: But I'm afraid it's all my fault/
STEVEN: Nonsense! This is another distraction laid on by the Toymaker to stop us finding the key.
DODO: Oh, where? You said it was just a distraction, and
STEVEN: They seem to get rougher as they go along, but we've looked everywhere. Do you suppose there really is a key?
(At opposite ends of the kitchen table, the Sergeant and Mrs Wiggs are using food as missiles.)
WIGGS: Take that, and that, and that, and that, and that!
DODO: Oh, look! You've thrown just about all the buns there are to throw. Couldn't you both call a truce?
WIGGS: A truce? After he broken me best china?
DODO: Well, I'm sure he'll apologise.
RUGG: Apologise?
MRS. WIGGS: Oh!
DODO: Oh, well, you did break her plates, you know.
RUGG: Soldiers never apologise. It's a rule.
DODO: But a gentleman would always apologise to a lady.
WIGGS: Huh! Soldiers! A gentleman!
DODO: Sergeant Rugg is, I'm sure of that.
RUGG: I apologise.
DODO: There. Now will you accept his apology?
WIGGS: Oh, all right then. But he has to pay for my china!
RUGG: Pay for the ch? Now then, you see why soldiers never apologise? Give the old trout an inch.
WIGGS: Old trout, is it??!! Just you wait for that, Sergeant Rugg! Old trout!
RUGG: Now then, careful with that broom, Mrs. Wiggs Careful.
(As hostilities resume, Steven catches Cyril trying to sneak off.)
CYRIL: Argh! Let me go.
STEVEN: Where do you think you're going?
CYRIL: N-n-n-n-n-n-nowhere!
STEVEN: Come on, I think that you know where that key is, don't you? Oh, so we're getting somewhere at last, are we?
(Cyril locks himself inside the pantry.)
STEVEN: Hey, you, come back here!
DODO: I'm sure you'll hurt him with that broom!
RUGG: Well, if she does, then this pie'll get hurt as well.
WIGGS: What? Not that pie. Not that pie! Put it down!
RUGG: Oh? Well then, you put that broom down, Missus.
STEVEN: What's she so worried about this pie for? Look at the rest of the mess.
DODO: Steven, that's one place we haven't looked.
STEVEN: Where?
DODO: In the pie!
STEVEN: I see what you mean.
(In the excitement the pie is smashed at Dodo's feet.)
DODO: Steven, the key! I've got it!
STEVEN: Come on, Dodo, be quick!
DODO: Goodbye! Sorry about your kitchen.
(They disappear into the next room as the Toymaker appears beside his quarrelling pawns.)
TOYMAKER: Wretched pair! I give you a chance of life, and this is what you do with it. Look at the kitchen!
RUGG: My fault, sir, not her's.
TOYMAKER: Such gallantry from a mere doll. Now listen to me, the pair of you. Clean yourselves up, and get out onto that dance floor. At the far end you will find a Tardis. Steven and Dodo must be prevented from getting to it at all costs. Do you understand? If you fail me, I will break you in pieces like this.
(He smashes the last remaining plate.)
[Ballroom]
(The next room does indeed have a dancing floor, a raised triangular dais on which three ballerina dolls are nearing the end of their dance. The dance ends, the dolls take their bows then relapse stiffly, mere mannequins once more. Beyond the dance floor the familiar police box form is revealed.)
STEVEN: The Tardis!
(Steven is about to step onto the floor.)
DODO: Steven, be careful. This could be as dangerous as those chairs.
STEVEN: But there's no other way of getting to it.
DODO: It can't be as simple as that, can it. There must be a catch somewhere. Then escape the rhythmic beat, or you'll forever tap your feet. What does it mean?
(Steven holds out his hand cautiously over the dance floor and music is heard. He pulls his hand back.)
DODO: How strange. I can do it, too.
STEVEN: Yes. The Doctor's game won't wait for us, though. We've got to take the chance.
(Rugg and Wiggs enter the room, all nice and clean again.)
DODO: Hello. Ah, you made it up.
RUGG: Well, Mrs. Wiggs' got much too warm an heart to keep a quarrel going, miss.
WIGGS: Oh, Sergeant's going to take me to the ball.
DODO: The ball?
RUGG: Yeah, right here, girl. No lack of partners, as you can see. Oh they never get tired of dancing, them dolls.
STEVEN: Well, it seems all right. I'm going to make a dash for it.
(He steps on the rostrum and immediately the music begins.)
DODO: Steven, this is no time for a dance.
STEVEN: I can't help myself!
(The dolls also begin to dance, advancing towards him in a line.)
DODO: Steven, this is what the riddle meant!
[Toymaker's office]
(The trilogic game is at move 878.)
TOYMAKER: You're doing very well, Doctor. Let's hope you haven't made a mistake. Still, we'll find that out when you reach your 1,023 move.)
(The Doctor's hand moves counter 2 onto counter 5 and then 1 onto 2.)
TOYMAKER: I see that Steven has taken time off from the quest to go dancing. Oh, keep on playing, Doctor.
(The Doctor moves the 3 onto the 8, and the tally clicks on to 881.)
[Ballroom]
(Steven is dancing helplessly with one of the dolls.)
DODO: Get away from it. You must! The riddle warned us it would be forever.
STEVEN: I can't! It's holding me in a grip like steel! Get away from the floor, Dodo. Go back!
DODO: But then we can't reach the Tardis!
STEVEN: I'll try to dance nearer to it!
RUGG: Not a bad dancer for a civilian.
WIGGS: Make a lovely partner for you, ducks.
DODO: Can't you dance down to it, Steven?
STEVEN: I can't lead! I'm just being carried round and round.
DODO: Then I'm going to try and reach it.
STEVEN: What are you doing? Go back.
DODO: I can't!
(Dodo is also caught up in the dance.)
RUGG: Now that we're dancing, what was it the Toymaker wanted us to do?
WIGGS: Reach that big cupboard up there before them.
RUGG: Ah, well, what about that doll there, then.
WIGGS: Ah, that's the game, duck. You dance with her, while I run for the cupboard up there.
RUGG: Oh, beggin' your pardon, Mrs W, this is man's work. You dance, and I'll run. Well, to be quite frank with you, Mrs W, soldiers don't dance. Well, officers, perhaps. But sergeants, no. Here, why don't you try the floor?
(She does. The dolls change partners.)
STEVEN: Dodo, keep close to me.
DODO: Why?
STEVEN: Don't ask questions.
WIGGS: Oh, hurry up, Sergeant, I can't keep it up for long.
RUGG: Just on my way, Mrs W.
(But Rugg finds that his feet are not his own.)
STEVEN: Dodo, come here.
(Steven grabs Dodo and they dance together.
WIGGS: I'm surprised at you, Sergeant Rugg. Put that hussy down and get to the cupboard!
RUGG: I can't!
STEVEN: He's going, Dodo. We must get nearer the Tardis.
DODO: He's bound to try and stop us somehow.
STEVEN: Well, we'll be ready for them. We're almost there. Concentrate now. Here we are!
(Dancing in each other's arms, Steven and Dodo reach the police box first. The door flies open and they dive inside, the door shutting behind them. The Sergeant and Mrs Wiggs dance on.)
[Cupboard]
STEVEN: Huh, it's another fake. I wonder how many of these things he made?
DODO: Far too many. I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever see the real one again. We might be shut in here forever.
STEVEN: No, of course we'll find it. Come on, don't lose heart now. We've been through too much. How on earth do we get out of this thing?
DODO: I wonder if we'll ever see the sergeant and the cook again? They were rather funny, you know.
STEVEN: Look, you still believe in these creations of the Toymaker, don't you? You can't see that they're just phantoms, things created in his mind.
DODO: If that's so, why do they lose to us? And always through doing something silly and human?
STEVEN: Oh, I don't know. Maybe they get out of his control.
DODO: There, that's just what I meant.
STEVEN: What are you talking about?
DODO: Look, he can bring them to life, but they have wills and minds of their own. I'll never be able to look at a doll or a playing card again with an easy mind. They really do have a secret life of their own.
STEVEN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We've got to get you out of here and quick!
DODO: Why? What do you mean?
STEVEN: This place is beginning to get you.
DODO: Oh, rubbish! Just because you can't see it.
STEVEN: We've got to find the next clue. Now there isn't even a telephone here. It must be in here somewhere.
DODO: Still, can't help wondering what happened to them.
(Still dancing, Sergeant Rugg and Mrs Wiggs have become as jerky and expressionless as the ballerinas around them.)
[Toymaker's office]
(The invisible Doctor is apparently chuckling.)
TOYMAKER: You forget that I can see you, even if no one else can. But you laugh too soon. The game is not yet over, either for you or for your two clever friends. They still have a game or two to play yet. But they must not win the next game.
(The Toymaker throws his dolls into the chest, one by one.)
TOYMAKER: Clowns! Nursery characters! Playing cards! I was foolish to trust you to play my games for me. You're all too human, too kind. I must find a more deadly character.
(He takes out the Cyril doll.)
TOYMAKER: Ah! The most deadly character of them all because he looks so innocent. A fat, jolly school boy. I wonder what your friends will make of him, Doctor? And I see you only have 123 moves to go.
[Cupboard]
DODO: Hey, what do you think that is?
(A note is attached to the cupboard wall.)
STEVEN: This could be the next riddle, or the next warning.
(The wall falls away to reveal another passageway.)
STEVEN: Not again.
DODO: Well, there's the way out.
STEVEN: Let's read this first. Lady Luck will show the way, win the game or here you'll stay.
DODO: Well, that's shorter than the others were.
STEVEN: Doesn't mean it's going to be any easier. Come on.
[Passageway]
DODO: I can't see.
STEVEN: Don't do anything till we know exactly what's happening.
(Dodo screams. Up ahead, now dressed in school cap and uniform, Cyril is leering horribly at them.)
CYRIL: Hello, remember me? I'm Cyril, known to my friends as Billy. Had you that time! Scare ya?
DODO: Yes, it did.
STEVEN: We've seen you before, haven't we?
CYRIL: Yeah, that's right. You're Dodo, aren't you? And you're Steven?
(Steven shakes his hand.)
STEVEN: I got a shock!
CYRIL: You should see your face!
STEVEN: You'll feel my hand in a minute. What have you got there?
CYRIL: Hey, careful! I'll show you. Look.
(There's an electrode attached to his wrist.)
STEVEN: Take the thing off.
CYRIL: Oh, all right. There.
STEVEN: Any more of these schoolboy jokes on you?
CYRIL: I don't know why you're carrying on like this. I'm just trying to be friendly.
STEVEN: Well, it's charming way to make friends.
DODO: I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.
CYRIL: Of course not. Here, have some sweets.
DODO: Oh, no thanks.
CYRIL: Oh, go on, do.
STEVEN: Dodo, go on, take them. We'll be here all day.
CYRIL: If I eat any more, I shall be sick, I expect.
(Dodo puts some sweets in her pocket.)
CYRIL: You know, you're one of my heroes. When I grow up, I want to be just like you.
STEVEN: When you grow up?
CYRIL: Yes.
STEVEN: You look pretty grown up to me already.
DODO: Steven, look. The Doctor's reached move 902.
STEVEN: We'll have to hurry. Come one, where's the next game we have to play?
CYRIL: Yaroo! It's right over here. You won't find it so easy this time, you know, because you see, you'll be playing against me!
Episode Four - The Final Test
it so easy this time, you know, 'cause you see, you'll be playing against me.
[Episode Four - The Final Test]
From the Lost in Time DVD
[Game room]
(The floor is laid out with raised numbered triangles, leading towards yet another Tardis.)
CYRIL: Well, here we are. Here's the next game. Tardis Hopscotch.
STEVEN: What are we supposed to do with it?
CYRIL: Well, it's very simple, really. You see, each player takes one of these dice, and throws them onto the triangles, and the number that you've thrown will appear up at the end there, on the dice indicator. (a rotating barber's pole) That's to make absolutely certain that no one can cheat. And you move forward the number that you've thrown. The first one to reach triangle fourteen's the winner. Easy, isn't it?
STEVEN: It's too easy. What's the catch?
CYRIL: No catch. First one home's the winner.
STEVEN: That gives us a two to one chance over you.
CYRIL: Why, so it does. Well, there you are. You just jump from triangle to triangle and the first one home wins.
STEVEN: Why do we have to jump?
CYRIL: Well, you can walk if you like, but I shouldn't if I were you.
STEVEN: Why not?
CYRIL: Well, you see, all the area between the triangles is electric, and you'll be killed.
[Toymaker's office]
TOYMAKER: I don't think your friends will do so well now, Doctor. Cyril hates to lose, so he makes sure that he never does. Oh, don't stop playing, Doctor. You're so near the end. Soon you'll discover whether or not you've got the sequence right.
(The Doctor moves counter 1 onto 2, 3 onto 4, and 5 onto 8.)
TOYMAKER: I think you need help. Go from move 930.
(The pieces move again. On A are counters 6 and 1, on B are 7 and 2, on C are counters 10, 9, 8, 5, 4 and 3. Now the Doctor takes his next turn. 1 onto 2 again and 3 onto 6.)
TOYMAKER: At this rate, you'll finish your game long before Steven and Dodo find the Tardis. It will be fun having you here. and your friends will make charming dolls. It may interest you to know that their chairs are ready and waiting for them in the doll's house.
[Game room]
CYRIL: Now, you all know what we have to do.
BOTH: Yes.
CYRIL: Ladies first, if you don't mind.
(Dodo climbs onto platform one and throws her die. )
DODO: Three.
STEVEN: Careful, Dodo.
DODO: One, two, three.
CYRIL: You next.
STEVEN: You're just too good to be true, aren't you. Four. One, two, three, four.
(A buzzer sounds.)
STEVEN: It says go on to number seven. Do I?
CYRIL: Yes, go on.
STEVEN: One, two.
CYRIL: Oh, by the way, I should have told you. If you land on a triangle that's already occupied, the first player has to go back to the starting post.
STEVEN: Now I see why you let us go first. All right, go on, don't keep us in suspense.
CYRIL: It's all part of the game, old chap. Two. One, two.
(So, we have Cyril on 3, Dodo on 4 and Steven on 7.)
DODO: Now it's my turn. I think I'm going to enjoy this game. Three. Oh, I'm sorry, Steven. Do I have to send you back to the start?
STEVEN: Look, surely we can't send each other back. We're supposed to be playing together.
CYRIL: If you don't abide by the rules, you can't possibly win the game.
DODO: He's right, Steven. We must play fair. After all, we are two to one.
STEVEN: All right.
(With Dodo now occupying number 7, Steven reluctantly returns to the start.)
STEVEN: Watch him.
(When Steven gets to number 1, the buzzer sounds and it's miss a turn.)
STEVEN: What's that mean?
CYRIL: He's pretending he doesn't understand the rules. Wizard sense of humour. You go back a turn. My turn now, I think. Ah! A three. One, two, three. I'm still right behind you.
[Toymaker's office]
TOYMAKER: Only seventy two moves to go. Cyril seems to have the game well in hand. Your friends are tiring, Doctor. I don't think they're going to get your Tardis back.
(The Doctor makes two more moves.)
TOYMAKER: As you are certainly going to lose, I feel I should be kinder to you. You're no longer under the ban of silence. There! I have given you back your voice. Now you're sulking. Or have you forgotten how to speak?
DOCTOR: Throughout this game you have spent a great deal of trouble in trying to break my concentration. And it's very unlikely that you will succeed now.
[Game room]
(Dodo turns round to be confronted by a gorilla mask. She screams.)
CYRIL: It's only me, Cyril.
(Steven comes dashing over.)
STEVEN: Look, I've told you before about these idiotic jokes. She nearly fell off.
CYRIL: It's all part of the game, old chap. Now you can go back to the start for cheating.
DODO: That's not fair, is it?
CYRIL: Certainly! He moved out of his triangle and it wasn't his turn. And I've landed on your triangle, so you can both go back to the start.
STEVEN: I've had enough of this. He makes up the rules as he goes along. Come on, Dodo. I'm going to the finish line. I want to see if that's the real Tardis or not.
(An image of the Toymaker appears in front of him.)
TOYMAKER: Don't you like my little game?
STEVEN: No, I don't.
TOYMAKER: What a pity to give up now, having overcome so many obstacles.
DODO: We're not giving up.
TOYMAKER: Are you sure?
STEVEN: I just want to get to the end of this.
(He tries to leap to the next triangle, but encounters an invisible wall.)
STEVEN: It's no good. It's some sort of invisible barrier.
TOYMAKER: Precisely. A barrier that yields only to those who play the game according to the rules. So perhaps you'll go back to the platform where you started?
(The Toymaker image disappears.)
STEVEN: Come on, Dodo.
CYRIL: (targeting Steven with his catapult) Yah! One up to me. My turn now, I think. Oh! A two. One, two.
STEVEN: I'm going to see if there's any invisible barrier around his backside.
DODO: Better not. Who's turn is it?
STEVEN: Mine. Ah, that's better. Six. One, two (and wobbles on landing) three, four, five, six. Do I get a second turn for a six?
CYRIL: Eh? Certainly not.
STEVEN: No, I thought not somehow.
[Toymaker's office]
(The Doctor is concentrating hard. Another ten moves.)
TOYMAKER: I think they'll abide by the rules now, Doctor. Don't you agree? There's no point in giving you back your power of speech if you're going to just sit there silent and solemn.
DOCTOR: You seem to say quite enough for both of us. In any case, I'm busy.
TOYMAKER: Your friends are not doing very well.
DOCTOR: I think your friend Cyril won't do so well when Steven catches up with him.
TOYMAKER: Poor Steven. Little does he know. You're playing too slowly, Doctor. Go from move one thousand. (Pyramid on C is almost complete. Counter 4 is on A and counter 5 is on B)
TOYMAKER: Only twenty three moves to go. And look, your friend Steven has had to miss a turn.
[Game room]
STEVEN: (on 5) Oh, no. Not another miss a turn.
CYRIL: You can't possibly win now. Why don't you both give up?
STEVEN: It's up to you now, Dodo. Come on, give it a good shake.
DODO: Six!
(Cyril puts a slippery powder around the edge of his number 11.)
DODO: One.
STEVEN: Careful.
DODO: Two, three, four, five, six. (She's on 10) Now I only need four to get home.
CYRIL: And I only needed three and it's my turn now. Too bad, isn't it. Oh, two. One, two.
(The indicator buzzes.)
DODO: Steven, look. He has to go back to nine!
STEVEN: Come on. Look who's trying to cheat now.
CYRIL: Give a chap a chance to do up his shoelace, will you? One, two, three, four.
STEVEN: That's better. Now come on, Dodo, you must throw a four.
(Cyril wails.)
DODO: Steven, do you think he's really hurt?
STEVEN: It's another trick. Roll the dice.
DODO: Look, he's bleeding. He's hurt his foot. We can't just leave him.
STEVEN: Play!
DODO: No! I'm going to help him.
STEVEN: Dodo!
DODO: Oh, look! You'd better take your sock off. Hey, That's red ink!
CYRIL: Of course it is. You're so easy to fool, you are. Now you can go back to the start for getting out of your triangle, and miss a turn. That means it's my turn now!
DODO: Well, of all the spiteful things!
CYRIL: Teach you to think you can beat me at a game! A five! Hooray, I've won! Yaroo! Hoorah for me!
(In his eagerness, he goes too fast and slips on the powder he put on number 11. He falls off the triangle into the death trap, vanishing in a flash. When the smoke clears, his charred doll-like remains can be seen on the electrified floor.)
DODO: What happened?
STEVEN: I don't know. Poor old Cyril. Hey, this triangle's covered in slippery powder. He must have put this here himself and forgotten all about it. He was caught in his own trap. It serves him right. Come on, Dodo. The game's over.
DODO: No, we've got to play the game to the end. You heard what the Toymaker said. I'm sure I can throw that four.
STEVEN: All right, well, hurry. Look at that tally. (1,014) The Doctor's almost finished his game.
DODO: Four! We've won, Steven! (and nearly falls off number 11 herself.)
STEVEN: Dodo, I told you about the powder. Now, take it easy. We mustn't lose now. Now, go on. I'll follow you over.
(They both arrive at number 14, the Tardis.)
DODO: Perhaps it's just another fake.
[Toymaker's office].
(Move 1022, and a now visible Doctor moves level 2 from A to C.)
DOCTOR: Well, I was right.
TOYMAKER: Make the last move, Doctor.
DOCTOR: No. Not yet. Excuse me. (switches on the monitor) Yes, I see Steven and Dodo have found the Tardis. One little trick, and your little trick is broken. I am now visible.
TOYMAKER: You are indeed, Doctor. Well done. The three of you have won your little games.
DOCTOR: I am glad you take it so calmly. Well now, if you will excuse me, I will go and see if the Tardis is all right.
[Game room]
DODO: Just suppose this isn't the real one.
STEVEN: Look, it must be! If it wasn't, something would have happened by now. And listen.
DODO: What?
STEVEN: It's humming. Only the real Tardis does that.
DODO: Are you sure the Toymaker couldn't have made one of his a humming one?
STEVEN: Why didn't he make the others do it?
DOCTOR: Well done, my boy.
STEVEN: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm back with you. Well done. I'm very glad to hear that you're bringing logic into your guesses.
DODO: Oh, you're safe. You've won your game.
DOCTOR: Yes, my dear, and I think it was high time that we were off.
STEVEN: I can't wait to leave this place. I don't want to play another game ever.
DOCTOR: Well, I don't think that's going to be likely, dear boy.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: I hope I do not interrupt the council of war.
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear friend, don't waste our time on trivial formalities. You have been defeated, so now leave us alone.
DODO: You know you must lose in the end.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: Only I can win. If I lose, the Doctor and I go down together.
DOCTOR: Now don't start red herrings, you charlatan.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: Go on, young people, go on. Ask your elderly friend if he can win completely.
STEVEN: Is it true, Doctor? Are we bound to fail?
DOCTOR: No, my dear boy. He's just tricking us into despair. Take no notice of him.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: Tell them the truth, Doctor. Hide nothing.
DODO: You must tell us. We ought to know.
DOCTOR: Well, I am compelled to tell the truth. It is possible that the Toymaker can drag us down in defeat with him, unless
STEVEN: Unless what?
DOCTOR: Well, it's all very simple. It's a matter of the battle of our brains.
DODO: Well, do we have a chance to escape?
DOCTOR: Yes, we still have a chance, but we must proceed with cunning.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: An impossible task.
STEVEN: As long as we defeat you, that's all I care. You can't beat us now.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: We shall see.
DOCTOR: Well said, my boy, well said.
TOYMAKER [on monitor]: Well said? He doesn't even know what he is saying. These adolescent expressions of loyalty. Before you make puerile promises, remember the past, your little adventures. Remember my power.
STEVEN: Your power? We won through, didn't we?
(The Toymaker is there in person.)
TOYMAKER: Perhaps, but would you dare to play those little games again?
STEVEN: Not until I've laid hands on you.
DOCTOR: Oh, it's no use, Steven. Leave him.
DODO: Are you all right?
STEVEN: I couldn't touch him.
DOCTOR: He's using his mind to turn your strength against yourself. Now, go back into the Tardis. I will deal with him.
(Dodo and Steven leave.)
TOYMAKER: Doctor, I offer you power. Power to corrupt, to destroy. Think of the exhilaration of that power. Serve me and live.
DOCTOR: Never! Never, my friend. You have been defeated.
(The Doctor goes into the Tardis.)
TOYMAKER: We will see, old man. The game is not yet over. We shall see.
(The Toymaker sits down next to the trilogic board, and the Doctor comes out of the Tardis.)
DOCTOR: What have you done? Stop meddling with my ship!
TOYMAKER: It isn't what I have done, but what you have not done. You must finish the game. You cannot leave here until you have.
DOCTOR: Your infantile behaviour is beyond a joke. No. Of course, I mustn't. You very nearly caught me then.
TOYMAKER: Make your last move, Doctor. Make your move.
DOCTOR: But if I do, this place vanishes.
TOYMAKER: And then you have won completely.
DOCTOR: And if this place vanishes, then the Tardis and the rest of us, will vanish also.
TOYMAKER: Correct. That is the price of success. Make your last move, Doctor. Make your last move.
[Tardis]
STEVEN: What can be keeping him?
DODO: Something the Toymaker has done to the Tardis. The Doctor has to persuade the Toymaker to let us go.
STEVEN: We won his games, we have the right to go. The Toymaker said that.
DODO: Now I'm here, I don't mind. I know I'm safe.
STEVEN: I think I'm going to take. Oh, here he is.
(The Doctor enters.)
DOCTOR: Close the doors, my boy.
STEVEN: So what's happened?
DOCTOR: It's no use.
STEVEN: What's he done?
DOCTOR: If we destroy the Toymaker, we destroy this world.
STEVEN: Well, is that bad?
DODO: Surely, that's a good thing. This is really a very sad place.
DOCTOR: I don't think neither of you understand. As the games are over, and won by us, everything outside the Tardis disappears. And if we are there, we disappear also.
DODO: But we have won and it hasn't happened yet.
DOCTOR: But it will, my dear, the moment I go out there and make the final move of the trilogic game.
STEVEN: Why doesn't he just let us go? He can't want to be destroyed.
DOCTOR: Oh, he won't be.
DODO: But if everything disappears, why not him?
DOCTOR: If the Toymaker loses the game, his world will vanish, but he has the power to build a new one.
DODO: How?
DOCTOR: The Toymaker is immortal. He's lasted for thousands of years. Very occasionally, of course, he loses a game, and then he has to pay the price.
STEVEN: And that price is the loss of his world?
DOCTOR: Yes, but he himself is not destroyed. He goes on forever.
STEVEN: So we can't leave.
DOCTOR: There must be a way.
(The Doctor turns on the scanner.)
[Game room]
DOCTOR [OC]: Will you leave my ship alone? Do you hear me? Will you leave my ship alone?
TOYMAKER: Let me have it, Doctor. It will be such an amusing toy.
DOCTOR [OC]: Let me have the trilogic game in here.
TOYMAKER: Of course not. Be reasonable, Doctor. If I allow you to make the last move in there, then you can preset your controls and dematerialise at the same moment that my world vanishes. Then you will escape.
DOCTOR [OC]: It will make no difference to you. You can build a new world.
TOYMAKER: Of course. And I look forward to that. I'm bored with this one. But I'm a bad loser, Doctor. I always destroy the destroyer.
[Tardis]
DOCTOR: I will not come out and make that final move.
TOYMAKER [on scanner]: Then you must stay there forever.
STEVEN: Doctor, let me go out and make that move for you.
DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense, dear boy. You don't want to disappear.
STEVEN: At least you and Dodo would get away.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, that's very noble and kind of you, but I absolutely forbid it. You've done quite enough in getting the Tardis back.
STEVEN: All right, but something's got to be done. We can't just stand here and talk our way out of this.
DOCTOR: We can! That's just it. That's just what we can do. Listen to me. I will make that final move.
[Game room]
TOYMAKER: How sensible of you, Doctor.
DOCTOR [OC]: Go back to the trilogic game. Are you ready?
TOYMAKER: Whenever you are, Doctor.
[Tardis]
DOCTOR: Very well. (whispers) Preset for dematerialisation. (loud) Go to move 1,023! (nothing, so he imitates the Toymaker's voice) Go from move 1,023! Master switch!
(The Tardis dematerialises as piece number 1 moves from B to the top of the pyramid on C and the planet explodes.)
DODO: You did it! You did it! We won!
STEVEN: Doctor, but how was it done?
DOCTOR: My dear boy, it was your very idea. Your very idea. Don't you see? When the Toymaker wanted to move the pieces, he had to command them in a certain tone of voice to make them move at all.
DODO: But you had to do it twice.
DOCTOR: Yes, but in the first place, you see, I couldn't, because I used my own voice.
DODO: I don't see.
STEVEN: I do. The Toymaker wasn't playing.
DOCTOR: Exactly, dear boy, exactly. Therefore, I had to imitate the Toymaker's voice to make them obey me, and they did.
DODO: We'll never see him again, will we, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear, don't talk too soon. The mind is indestructible. So is the Toymaker.
STEVEN: What, you mean he can never be destroyed?
DODO: But you defeated him.
DOCTOR: Yes, just at this moment, but there will be other meetings in an other time.
DODO: Then your battle with him will never end.
DOCTOR: Yes, you're quite right, my dear, but anyway, let us cheer up. After all we did win the games.
DODO: Hey, let's celebrate with these.
DOCTOR: With what?
DODO: Here, these.
DOCTOR: What are those?
DODO: They're Cyril's sweets. He gave them to me just before the race game.
STEVEN: Oh, throw them away, Dodo. I only told you to take them so that we wouldn't waste anymore time.
DODO: Oh, all right.
DOCTOR: This is really interesting. The last present from the Toymaker. I wonder.
(The Doctor bites into the hard sweet, and cries out in pain.)
DODO: Doctor, what's wrong?
Next Episode - A Holiday for the Doctor
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