Be My Juggling Partner Queen Elizabeth II, Please!

Dear Queen Elizabeth II,

I am your number one fan!

The first time I saw you, I felt amused. I could not believe an actor could be so pointy and fluorescent.

Your role in the world cup final was tiny and simply strong.

I've created a collection of fliers to remind me of you. My bedroom dresser is your shrine, lined with pictures.

My ambition is to go to the beach together and engage in some serious juggling. I'd make you cake then we'd watch films until the sun set.

I'd love it if you could reply to me - tomorrow would be best. Oh, say you'll be my juggling partner Queen Elizabeth II, please!

With your reply, please enclose some more fliers for my ever-growing collection.

Please, please, please reply.
Dr Love

 

Punished for likening my nipples to a dotty turnip

Dear Mr Jones,

I am sorry to report that little Mark has been assigned a detention.

As you know, little Mark is usually a very rough and tacky child. However, today I caught him complaining during class.

When I asked him to stop, he shouted, "D'oh!" and began running with his friend Matilda.

Mark aggravated the matter further by calling me a baggy lizard and likening my nipples to a dotty turnip.

Little Mark was also in violation of the school uniform policy. I do not allow slippery cowboy hats at Springfield Elementary School.

Springfield Elementary School prides itself on being a scrummy and pointless establishment. Thus we simply cannot have children complaining and running on the premises. Added to which, my nipples looks nothing like a turnip, as Ms Wilson will testify.

Please ensure that little Mark attends detention tomorrow after school, and leaves his slippery clothing at home.

Yours sincerely
BabeMagnet69

 

50 random rolls of a 40-sided dice

For Anonymous

1. 38
2. 34
3. 8
4. 11
5. 20
6. 6
7. 26
8. 32
9. 3
10. 36
11. 37
12. 40
13. 20
14. 1
15. 2
16. 31
17. 14
18. 26
19. 39
20. 3
21. 36
22. 28
23. 37
24. 39
25. 13
26. 28
27. 21
28. 24
29. 23
30. 11
31. 37
32. 3
33. 35
34. 26
35. 13
36. 35
37. 3
38. 24
39. 23
40. 6
41. 40
42. 25
43. 10
44. 39
45. 7
46. 1
47. 35
48. 36
49. 18
50. 27

Random Activities

 

Random Activities

1. Do a jigsaw puzzle
2. Play apple bobbing
3. Make an elephant from a milk carton
4. Build a park out of rubbish
5. Adopt a a lion
6. Make a doll's house from a duvet
7. Use Character Generator
8. Give yourself a makeover
9. Take a virtual tour of a museum
10. Plan an African theme day.

 

Pizza - A Tanka Poem

by Anon

I dig my pizza
It's exciting and brainy.
It has a spruce toe
And six special toenails too
It cuddles; I feel happy