Sunday, 8 March 2020
TOI LET PAPER APOCALYPSE A POEM BY MARK ANTONY RAINES
I did my shopping trip although I was feeling weak and Weary,
I wondered down the brightly light aisles on my quest for the holy grail;
I heard the screaming of delight and the scrumish of fighting,
Only this and nothing more
It was like a bleak December with its dying ember making it like a ghost town outside the supermarkets sliding doors,
Eagerly I wished the treasure I seeked to be upon the shelves;
But I heard a group of women crying ;
No more.
My heart became broken I felt fantastic terrified in the sub conscious of my brain,
I willed and wished for to be able once again to glance at my desire at its rare white radiant beauty,
Still it hear cries echo no more.
So I departure was just around the corner when I heard a rumour that entreated me to go to the other supermarket in my deserted town,
I was like the last vistor allowed to enter it's door s;
I came upon a shop assistant and said
dear madam truly my forgiveness I implore,
I beg of you have you any of the white gold in seek ;
But in the shop assistant eyes there was darkness and nothing more.
Deep into the darkness in my soul i peered,
Doubting was I just dreaming dreams of a living nightmare,
Then a whisper in my ear said I have what you seek ,
I turned and saw a dark figure it not seen before,
Gesturing with its bony hands to follow it's path for it had the white gold i required.
I reached my destination a shelf with one white pack of toilet roll sitting lonely on the cold tin shelf,
Soon as group of other s appeared all yearning this prestigious award,
With guardians surrounding it were were to to take part in a bidding war ,
As this was the last one on planet earth thier be no more.
So I engaged in the frenzy,
with absurd sums of money placed bids, one was for one billion pounds. The Dark figure began a smiling then broke into a cracking manically laughter at all our expense,
For you see it was all a elborate ruse just to get rich quick for this dark figure,
You see it was but a cardboard tube painted white
All the people around this planet earth cried
No more Toilet Paper is to be found.
So I journey home forlorn and bitterly disappointed,
I sit now on my porcelain throne peering at the empty jaws of cheap tin metal where my toilet paper stood prided in place;
How I lothed this toilet paper Apocalypse,
I ponder it was said to be ,
Of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the one named War has gone - at least for a while. But Famine, Pestilence and Death are still charging over the earth. Hunger is a silent visitor who comes like a shadow.
This is the true apocalypse now,
So I have finished doing my body function s and have no choice but to use newspaper instead.
Friday, 6 March 2020
HORROR THEATRE _TALES FROM THE CRYPT BY MARK ANTONY RAINES
Thunder roars and echoing
Lighting lit's up the plutonian darkness of this night.
Footsteps crush one by one on the gravel path ;a rusting creaking cast iron gate opens.
The footsteps continue up the gravel path as it approchs it's destination.
A crypt is open ,the guests enter the crypts and sit down at the table placed in the middle.
A shadow figure appears dressed in a black habit and its face covered by its cowl.
"Welcome Gentleman and Ladies I intestested to learn your tales of woe this night "
Margaret a wife of a prosperous husband speaks first .
"My husband is an insomniac who keeps me awake on and off during the night disturbing my slumber.
So I decided I must do some thing about this before it drives me to madness.
We travelled to Sweden to a clinic at Kurhus ;a sanitorium for insomniac s.
During our stay my husband would begin to sleep and then regale to me his unearthly nightmares of mysterious lost souls like witches ;vampires and this dream he had ever night until it drove him and myself out .
We wandered in the night in the labyrinth of the paths of the dark foreboding woods until we came upon a deserted gamekeepers hut.
We decided to rest in this cabin until daybreak. We entered the cabin and liked upon the wall upon it were the spoils of hunts but shock and awe struck as among the poor unfortunate souls of the animals heads beside these were a woman's head placed upon it was a witch's head;the other was that of a man displaying his vampiric fangs, I turned to run ;upon my husband s face was a maniac smile as he raised the axe through my head. The last few words I heard were now I have a human being to add to my collection as he cracked in his insanity "
The shadow host moves to the next guset sitter a Mr Arcularis.
Mr Arcularis begins to relate his tale.
" On was on a voyage to Europe from America to journey to my new employment as Professor at Cambridge in England.
I learnt by speaking to the motley crew to pass the time on board was a corpse bound for Ireland.
My ship became fogbound and the captain ordered the dropping of theach anchor due to the surrounding iceberg s.
I began to sleepwalk on the deck among the stars above the dense fog and I felt constantly cold.
On these sleepwalks I began to meet people people who I knew a woman in met in hospital; my father .
I come across a clergyman playing chess each piece on the board looking like someone I had known.
I hear music of moans of the dead over and over again.
The clergyman looks my and asks if I am enjoying this trip of the walking dead"
The shadow figure moves to the next guest seated.
Andrew relates his tale.
"I am am a music publisher who took my partner to the seaside town resort called Beverston where due to my years of suppressed hatred I killed my partner.
I am arrested and found guilty of murder.
I sit in my cell awaiting my appointed hour of my execution .
I let my mind create an alternative reality in which I have taken writing my memoirs of my colonial service.
As the Governor I am required as my last post to open a railway station in Beverston.At the cutting of the ribbon is set the figure of my former partner as he rushes towards me at full speed forcing me into the path of the oncoming train."
The shadow figure turns to the next guest seated.
My name is Oscar and am a renowned concert violinist and he began to relate his tale.
"I found I needed the services of a manicurist to keep my nails in trim for holding of the strings.
I found I was irresistibly drawn to my Manicirists and we become lovers .
She became pregnant and my fingers became infected and started to rot one by one then this spread to my body until I was just a withered cadaver. My Manicurist baby was born and crawled to my former self and openetrating it's tiny mouth to reveal sharp razor teeth then it set about eating me"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Amelia and this is my tale.
"Whilst on my honeymoon with my new husband; we went for a walk along the Yorkshire moors and due to a snowstorm.
Luckily we came upon a mail coach and it's passengers which stopped and offered us a ride back .
We got chatting among the other four occupants of the mail coach to pass the time .
One of the four passengers then related a tale of an mail coach accident nine years ago to this date in which all six people on board and the driver were killed.
The coach is said to be heard in the night on its journey with its lost souls destined never to be able to leave this mortal coil"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Stanley and I am a food critic.
"I was invited to try out the latest new restaurant in town Sbirros .
The restaurant s amberance was not pretentious and the food on the whole was irresistible and the clientele seemed very select.
The house speciality was a dish named Namuh and was said by the waiter is the most delicious meal created and best served rare .
I was intergued so I ordered this special as a treat and before I could finish typing up my five star revue I was bashed over the head .
I awoke strapped to a table unable to move or talk ;it then heard Dinner is served"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is August and I am an artist and this is my tale.
"I was sitting in the court room as part of my job to do a portrait of the accursed.
This was a stifling hot summer s day and it was a long day as the case of the man who was on trial was difficult .
The jury as well as myself were required to visit the man on trail monumental mason to see his work s .
Sitting in the library are a series of gravestone s and one of these had my name inscribed on it .
I was shaking and shocked and subconsciously shouted out how can that be I here alive.
The accused man just smile so manically at me and says he has been haunted by the voices in his head who tell him to to prepare gravestones for the next ones to die in his collection.
In a deserted court room sits the decomposing cadavers of all the people who attended the trail of a man proudly putting them on display for the dark tourists"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Laski and I am unsure why I am at this table for my tale is of Sacrifice.
"I belonged to a Renaissance Satanist group who believed that 2020 is the time that our master will rise .
To make this possible I with several other s drove to the nearest highest tower and climbed it's winding narrow steps and then jumped falling to the ground with my brains spattered "
The shadow figure turns to his next guest.
My name is Waddell and this is my tale.
"I was on holiday at Southend _on_Sea when I decided to walk along its once world record holding pier .
I walked slowly for its a mile long and I stopped at the end to admire the scenery when I suddenly slipped and fell under a girder .
I saw a little girl and asked her to seek help but she just swims towards me and as she approachs her mouth expands and I feel the saliva from the inside of it as my head is bitten off .
I was the latest in line of the little girl eater "
The shadow figure turns to his very last guest s.
My name is Edith and this is my tale.
"Me and my husband thought it be kinda cool to move into a grand dilapidated Dorset house hopeful on meeting a nice friendly ghost town brag about at our lavish social gathering s .
But for months and months not a murmur or a creak was heard ;we fault the concept of the paranormal experience was just nonsense.
Then one night we heard footsteps and our door knob rattling.
I send my begunted husband who I had awoken from a deep slumber to see who or what was trying to in.
But when he opened the door nobody was thier.
This carried on for months until it suddenly stopped.
We heard the roar of some strange machine from downstairs so we went down to invesigate and saw a lady dressed in a white shirt and black shirt .
I went over to ask who she was but as I got close enough I walked right though her as if I were a ghost.
I was bewildered and found this most beguiling until out of the corner of my eye I spotted a plaque on a door I swear was the room is had just departed from.
I stepped a little closer to read what the plaque said .
Ladies and Gentlemen this room is believed to be haunted by the spirit s of Edith ando Marcus Smith who died when caught in the great fire of 1820 ;their servants tried to rescue them but the door was locked from the inside "
The shadow figure let's out a almighty howl and removes his cowl to reveal a figure dressed in a werewolf mask with a silver topped cane by his side.
He turns to you the reader and says
"Well my fiends I hope you enjoyed our tales from the crypt tonight I hope to here yours very soon ".
The haunted music plays ;the scene is closed for Horror Theatre.
Lighting lit's up the plutonian darkness of this night.
Footsteps crush one by one on the gravel path ;a rusting creaking cast iron gate opens.
The footsteps continue up the gravel path as it approchs it's destination.
A crypt is open ,the guests enter the crypts and sit down at the table placed in the middle.
A shadow figure appears dressed in a black habit and its face covered by its cowl.
"Welcome Gentleman and Ladies I intestested to learn your tales of woe this night "
Margaret a wife of a prosperous husband speaks first .
"My husband is an insomniac who keeps me awake on and off during the night disturbing my slumber.
So I decided I must do some thing about this before it drives me to madness.
We travelled to Sweden to a clinic at Kurhus ;a sanitorium for insomniac s.
During our stay my husband would begin to sleep and then regale to me his unearthly nightmares of mysterious lost souls like witches ;vampires and this dream he had ever night until it drove him and myself out .
We wandered in the night in the labyrinth of the paths of the dark foreboding woods until we came upon a deserted gamekeepers hut.
We decided to rest in this cabin until daybreak. We entered the cabin and liked upon the wall upon it were the spoils of hunts but shock and awe struck as among the poor unfortunate souls of the animals heads beside these were a woman's head placed upon it was a witch's head;the other was that of a man displaying his vampiric fangs, I turned to run ;upon my husband s face was a maniac smile as he raised the axe through my head. The last few words I heard were now I have a human being to add to my collection as he cracked in his insanity "
The shadow host moves to the next guset sitter a Mr Arcularis.
Mr Arcularis begins to relate his tale.
" On was on a voyage to Europe from America to journey to my new employment as Professor at Cambridge in England.
I learnt by speaking to the motley crew to pass the time on board was a corpse bound for Ireland.
My ship became fogbound and the captain ordered the dropping of theach anchor due to the surrounding iceberg s.
I began to sleepwalk on the deck among the stars above the dense fog and I felt constantly cold.
On these sleepwalks I began to meet people people who I knew a woman in met in hospital; my father .
I come across a clergyman playing chess each piece on the board looking like someone I had known.
I hear music of moans of the dead over and over again.
The clergyman looks my and asks if I am enjoying this trip of the walking dead"
The shadow figure moves to the next guest seated.
Andrew relates his tale.
"I am am a music publisher who took my partner to the seaside town resort called Beverston where due to my years of suppressed hatred I killed my partner.
I am arrested and found guilty of murder.
I sit in my cell awaiting my appointed hour of my execution .
I let my mind create an alternative reality in which I have taken writing my memoirs of my colonial service.
As the Governor I am required as my last post to open a railway station in Beverston.At the cutting of the ribbon is set the figure of my former partner as he rushes towards me at full speed forcing me into the path of the oncoming train."
The shadow figure turns to the next guest seated.
My name is Oscar and am a renowned concert violinist and he began to relate his tale.
"I found I needed the services of a manicurist to keep my nails in trim for holding of the strings.
I found I was irresistibly drawn to my Manicirists and we become lovers .
She became pregnant and my fingers became infected and started to rot one by one then this spread to my body until I was just a withered cadaver. My Manicurist baby was born and crawled to my former self and openetrating it's tiny mouth to reveal sharp razor teeth then it set about eating me"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Amelia and this is my tale.
"Whilst on my honeymoon with my new husband; we went for a walk along the Yorkshire moors and due to a snowstorm.
Luckily we came upon a mail coach and it's passengers which stopped and offered us a ride back .
We got chatting among the other four occupants of the mail coach to pass the time .
One of the four passengers then related a tale of an mail coach accident nine years ago to this date in which all six people on board and the driver were killed.
The coach is said to be heard in the night on its journey with its lost souls destined never to be able to leave this mortal coil"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Stanley and I am a food critic.
"I was invited to try out the latest new restaurant in town Sbirros .
The restaurant s amberance was not pretentious and the food on the whole was irresistible and the clientele seemed very select.
The house speciality was a dish named Namuh and was said by the waiter is the most delicious meal created and best served rare .
I was intergued so I ordered this special as a treat and before I could finish typing up my five star revue I was bashed over the head .
I awoke strapped to a table unable to move or talk ;it then heard Dinner is served"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is August and I am an artist and this is my tale.
"I was sitting in the court room as part of my job to do a portrait of the accursed.
This was a stifling hot summer s day and it was a long day as the case of the man who was on trial was difficult .
The jury as well as myself were required to visit the man on trail monumental mason to see his work s .
Sitting in the library are a series of gravestone s and one of these had my name inscribed on it .
I was shaking and shocked and subconsciously shouted out how can that be I here alive.
The accused man just smile so manically at me and says he has been haunted by the voices in his head who tell him to to prepare gravestones for the next ones to die in his collection.
In a deserted court room sits the decomposing cadavers of all the people who attended the trail of a man proudly putting them on display for the dark tourists"
The shadow figure turns to the next guest.
My name is Laski and I am unsure why I am at this table for my tale is of Sacrifice.
"I belonged to a Renaissance Satanist group who believed that 2020 is the time that our master will rise .
To make this possible I with several other s drove to the nearest highest tower and climbed it's winding narrow steps and then jumped falling to the ground with my brains spattered "
The shadow figure turns to his next guest.
My name is Waddell and this is my tale.
"I was on holiday at Southend _on_Sea when I decided to walk along its once world record holding pier .
I walked slowly for its a mile long and I stopped at the end to admire the scenery when I suddenly slipped and fell under a girder .
I saw a little girl and asked her to seek help but she just swims towards me and as she approachs her mouth expands and I feel the saliva from the inside of it as my head is bitten off .
I was the latest in line of the little girl eater "
The shadow figure turns to his very last guest s.
My name is Edith and this is my tale.
"Me and my husband thought it be kinda cool to move into a grand dilapidated Dorset house hopeful on meeting a nice friendly ghost town brag about at our lavish social gathering s .
But for months and months not a murmur or a creak was heard ;we fault the concept of the paranormal experience was just nonsense.
Then one night we heard footsteps and our door knob rattling.
I send my begunted husband who I had awoken from a deep slumber to see who or what was trying to in.
But when he opened the door nobody was thier.
This carried on for months until it suddenly stopped.
We heard the roar of some strange machine from downstairs so we went down to invesigate and saw a lady dressed in a white shirt and black shirt .
I went over to ask who she was but as I got close enough I walked right though her as if I were a ghost.
I was bewildered and found this most beguiling until out of the corner of my eye I spotted a plaque on a door I swear was the room is had just departed from.
I stepped a little closer to read what the plaque said .
Ladies and Gentlemen this room is believed to be haunted by the spirit s of Edith ando Marcus Smith who died when caught in the great fire of 1820 ;their servants tried to rescue them but the door was locked from the inside "
The shadow figure let's out a almighty howl and removes his cowl to reveal a figure dressed in a werewolf mask with a silver topped cane by his side.
He turns to you the reader and says
"Well my fiends I hope you enjoyed our tales from the crypt tonight I hope to here yours very soon ".
The haunted music plays ;the scene is closed for Horror Theatre.
Wednesday, 4 March 2020
Tuesday, 3 March 2020
Last Will by Mark Antony Raines
In case of coronvirus I am writing this if I am not one of the survivors in a world that will forever be changed.
If this is truly the end of Human life I have done most of the things I wished to do in my short time on Planet Earth; good or bad I have been what I am.
Private and Confidential
Last Will and Testament
of
Mark Antony Raines
Last Will and Testament
THIS WILL is made by me Mark Antony Raines _Glebelands Holsworthy North Devon Ex 22
1. Revocation
I revoke all earlier Wills and testamentary dispositions.
2. Appointment of Executors
2.1 I appoint my wife Enid Raines to be my Executrix and Trustee.
2.2 If my wife Enid Raines is unable or unwilling to act as my Executrix and Trustee or if she
dies before proving my Will I make the following appointment instead.
2.3 I appoint Shane Thompson to be my Executor and Trustee.
2.4 The expression "my Trustees" means my personal representatives and the trustees of this
Will and of any trust that might arise under it.
3. Funeral Directions
I wish my body to be cremated and my ashes scattered over the back garden or southend on sea beach
5. Money Bequest
I make the following gift of all my effects to all my stepchildren and grandchildren to be shared among if so wish if not just place in a black plastic dustbin bag and put out on day of collection.
6. Specific Bequest of Personal After my cremation please just treat yourself s to some fish and chips and remember the good and bad of who I was, no flowers,Music I like to be played no matter what by Boyzone the rest is up to you.
6.1 I request my Trustees within three months of my death but without imposing any binding trust
or legal obligation and without conferring any interest on any other person to dispose of the
same in accordance with any memorandum of wishes of mine which may come to my
Trustees' attention within one month of my death.
7. Further Specific Bequest
A thanks to all the people in my life that was that accepted me for who I was .To .I wife Enid I love you good night,Big kiss
8. Definition of My Estate
All my worldly possessions
14. Declaration excluding section 33 of the Wills Act 1837
Section 33 of the Wills Act 1837 (as substituted by section 19 of the Administration of Justice
Act 1982) shall not apply to any of the foregoing clauses.
15. Standard Provisions
The Standard Provisions of the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (1st Edition) shall
apply with the deletion of paragraph 5. Section 11 Trusts of Land and Appointment of
Trustees Act 1996 (consultation with beneficiaries) shall not apply.
Attestation
Dated this day of Two Thousand and
SIGNED by the above named Andrew Example
as and for his last Will in our presence and then
by us in his
.............................................
Signature of Testator
...............Mark Antony Raines.................................................. .................................................................
Signature of first Witness Signature of second Witness
................................................................. .................................................................
Full names of first Witness Full names of second Witness
................................................................. .................................................................
Occupation Occupation
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
Address of first Witness Address of second Witness
If this is truly the end of Human life I have done most of the things I wished to do in my short time on Planet Earth; good or bad I have been what I am.
Private and Confidential
Last Will and Testament
of
Mark Antony Raines
Last Will and Testament
THIS WILL is made by me Mark Antony Raines _Glebelands Holsworthy North Devon Ex 22
1. Revocation
I revoke all earlier Wills and testamentary dispositions.
2. Appointment of Executors
2.1 I appoint my wife Enid Raines to be my Executrix and Trustee.
2.2 If my wife Enid Raines is unable or unwilling to act as my Executrix and Trustee or if she
dies before proving my Will I make the following appointment instead.
2.3 I appoint Shane Thompson to be my Executor and Trustee.
2.4 The expression "my Trustees" means my personal representatives and the trustees of this
Will and of any trust that might arise under it.
3. Funeral Directions
I wish my body to be cremated and my ashes scattered over the back garden or southend on sea beach
5. Money Bequest
I make the following gift of all my effects to all my stepchildren and grandchildren to be shared among if so wish if not just place in a black plastic dustbin bag and put out on day of collection.
6. Specific Bequest of Personal After my cremation please just treat yourself s to some fish and chips and remember the good and bad of who I was, no flowers,Music I like to be played no matter what by Boyzone the rest is up to you.
6.1 I request my Trustees within three months of my death but without imposing any binding trust
or legal obligation and without conferring any interest on any other person to dispose of the
same in accordance with any memorandum of wishes of mine which may come to my
Trustees' attention within one month of my death.
7. Further Specific Bequest
A thanks to all the people in my life that was that accepted me for who I was .To .I wife Enid I love you good night,Big kiss
8. Definition of My Estate
All my worldly possessions
14. Declaration excluding section 33 of the Wills Act 1837
Section 33 of the Wills Act 1837 (as substituted by section 19 of the Administration of Justice
Act 1982) shall not apply to any of the foregoing clauses.
15. Standard Provisions
The Standard Provisions of the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (1st Edition) shall
apply with the deletion of paragraph 5. Section 11 Trusts of Land and Appointment of
Trustees Act 1996 (consultation with beneficiaries) shall not apply.
Attestation
Dated this day of Two Thousand and
SIGNED by the above named Andrew Example
as and for his last Will in our presence and then
by us in his
.............................................
Signature of Testator
...............Mark Antony Raines.................................................. .................................................................
Signature of first Witness Signature of second Witness
................................................................. .................................................................
Full names of first Witness Full names of second Witness
................................................................. .................................................................
Occupation Occupation
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
Address of first Witness Address of second Witness
Tick ;Tock; Tick by Mark Antony Raines
Tick Tick Tock
GOES THE EARTH S CLOCK
ONE MINUTE TO MIDNIGHT REMAINS
Tick Tick Tock
THE SECOND KISSES THE TWELVE
BLACKNESS WIPES OUT THE SUN
IT S DEATHS TIME TO SHINE
SCREAMS ;TEARS TO TO NO AVAIL
PLUTOIAN DARKNESS COVERS EACH OF THE LAST HUMANS SOUL,
ALL IS SILENT
NOTHING REMAINS TO BE SEEN
OF A PROUD RACE CALLED HUMAN BEINGS
GOES THE EARTH S CLOCK
ONE MINUTE TO MIDNIGHT REMAINS
Tick Tick Tock
THE SECOND KISSES THE TWELVE
BLACKNESS WIPES OUT THE SUN
IT S DEATHS TIME TO SHINE
SCREAMS ;TEARS TO TO NO AVAIL
PLUTOIAN DARKNESS COVERS EACH OF THE LAST HUMANS SOUL,
ALL IS SILENT
NOTHING REMAINS TO BE SEEN
OF A PROUD RACE CALLED HUMAN BEINGS
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