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Showing posts with label Drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drama. Show all posts

Sunday 1 May 2022

Cowardly Alien A Screenplay by GHOSTMAN

 

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Cowardly Alien

Cowardly Alien

A Screenplay by GHOSTMAN

INT. HATFIELD HOUSE, ENGLAND - AFTERNOON

Brave private detective MS MOLLY WILSON is arguing with modest police officer PROF SHANE WILLIAMS. MOLLY tries to hug SHANE but he shakes her off.

MOLLY
Please Shane, don't leave me.

SHANE
I'm sorry Molly, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.

MOLLY
I am such a person!

SHANE frowns.

SHANE
I'm sorry, Molly. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

SHANE leaves.

MOLLY sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, helpful author LADY HARRIET NOLAN barges in looking flustered.

MOLLY
Goodness, Harriet! Is everything okay?

HARRIET
I'm afraid not.

MOLLY
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

HARRIET
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien terrorise a bunch of elderly ladies!

MOLLY
Defenseless elderly ladies?

HARRIET
Yes, defenseless elderly ladies!

MOLLY
Bloomin' heck, Harriet! We've got to do something.

HARRIET
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

MOLLY
You can start by telling me where this happened.

HARRIET
I was...

HARRIET fans herself and begins to wheeze.

MOLLY
Focus Harriet, focus! Where did it happen?

HARRIET
Tower Bridge, London! That's right - Tower Bridge, London!

MOLLY springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

MOLLY rushes along the street, followed by HARRIET. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER

JAMES KOWALSKI a cowardly alien terrorises two elderly ladies.

MOLLY, closely followed by HARRIET, rushes towards JAMES, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

HARRIET
What is is? What's the matter?

MOLLY
That's not just any old alien, that's James Kowalski!

HARRIET
Who's James Kowalski?

MOLLY
Who's James Kowalski? Who's James Kowalski? Only the most cowardly alien in the universe!

HARRIET
Blinkin' knickers, Molly! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly alien in the universe!

MOLLY
You can say that again.

HARRIET
Blinkin' knickers, Molly! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly alien in the universe!

MOLLY
I'm going to need stakes, lots of stakes.

James turns and sees Molly and Harriet. He grins an evil grin.

JAMES
Molly Wilson, we meet again.

HARRIET
You've met?

MOLLY
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...


EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young MOLLY is sitting in a park listening to some piano music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees JAMES. She takes off her headphones.

JAMES
Would you like some chocolate?

MOLLY's eyes light up, but then he studies JAMES more closely, and looks uneasy.

MOLLY
I don't know, you look kind of cowardly.

JAMES
Me? No. I'm not cowardly. I'm the least cowardly alien in the world.

MOLLY
Wait, you're a alien?

MOLLY runs away, screaming.


EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON - PRESENT DAY

JAMES
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

HARRIET
(To MOLLY) You ran away?

MOLLY
(To HARRIET) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

MOLLY turns to JAMES.

MOLLY
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

MOLLY runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

MOLLY
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with stakes.

JAMES
I'm not scared of you.

MOLLY
You should be.


INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - LATER THAT DAY

MOLLY and HARRIET walk around searching for something.

MOLLY
I feel sure I left my stakes somewhere around here.

HARRIET
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly stakes.

MOLLY
You know nothing Harriet Nolan.

HARRIET
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, JAMES appears, holding a pair of stakes.

JAMES
Looking for something?

HARRIET
Crikey, Molly, he's got your stakes.

MOLLY
Tell me something I don't already know!

HARRIET
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

MOLLY
I know that already!

HARRIET
I pick my nose and eat it.

JAMES
(appalled) Dude!

While JAMES is looking at HARRIET with disgust, MOLLY lunges forward and grabs her deadly stakes. He wields them, triumphantly.

MOLLY
Prepare to die, you cowardly aubergine!

JAMES
No please! All I did was terrorise a bunch of elderly ladies!

SHANE enters, unseen by any of the others.

MOLLY
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Molly Wilson defender of innocent elderly ladies.

JAMES
Don't hurt me! Please!

MOLLY
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these stakes on you right away!

JAMES
Because Molly, I am your father.

MOLLY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

MOLLY
No you're not!

JAMES
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

JAMES tries to grab the stakes but MOLLY dodges out of the way.

MOLLY
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, JAMES slumps to the ground.

HARRIET
Did he just faint?

MOLLY
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly stakes.

MOLLY crouches over JAMES's body.

HARRIET
Be careful, Molly. It could be a trick.

MOLLY
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... James Kowalski is dead!

MOLLY
What?

MOLLY
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

HARRIET claps her hands.

HARRIET
So your stakes did save the day, after all.

SHANE steps forward.

SHANE
Is it true? Did you kill the cowardly alien?

MOLLY
Shane how long have you been...?

SHANE puts his arm around MOLLY.

SHANE
Long enough.

MOLLY
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed James Kowalski.

SHANE
Then the elderly ladies are safe?

MOLLY
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.

SHANE
You are their hero.

The elderly ladies bow to MOLLY.

MOLLY
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that James Kowalski will never terrorise elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me.

SHANE
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the elderly ladies passes MOLLY a gold talisman

SHANE
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

MOLLY
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

MOLLY
Well, if you insist.

MOLLY takes the talisman.

MOLLY
Thank you.

The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

MOLLY turns to SHANE.

MOLLY
Does this mean you want me back?

SHANE
Oh, Molly, of course I want you back!

MOLLY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

MOLLY
Well you can't have me.

SHANE
WHAT?

MOLLY
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

SHANE
But...

MOLLY
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Harriet.

HARRIET grins.

SHANE
But...

HARRIET
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

SHANE
Molly?

MOLLY
I'm sorry Shane, but I think you should skidaddle.

SHANE leaves.

HARRIET turns to MOLLY.

HARRIET
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

MOLLY
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly HARRIET stops.

HARRIET
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?

THE END



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